The Lost Opportunity - NOT living alone during COVID-19

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ScrewyWabbit
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20 Mar 2020, 11:48 am

So I am in California where as of last night we are on lock down over the virus. And, obviously, pandemics are terrible, I don't want people to get sick or die, but it feels like for an autistic, as terrible as it is, there could be a silver lining...

Like many of you, I think in a lot of ways I am a loner at heart. On one hand, I don't want to be alone, but on the other hand, there's a part of me that could stay at home for weeks or months on end with no human contact and be very happy. And there's so much I could be doing right now - reading, catching up on shows I've been meaning to watch, online learning, etc. It feels like a once in a lifetime opportunity to live the Autistic dream!

But, of course, I can't actually spend any time alone doing these things because I am (lucky enough) to be married and while I've been fortunate enough to be working at home since this all started, the moment the work day ends, my NT wife pretty much wants my undivided attention. So opportunity lost. :cry:



magz
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20 Mar 2020, 11:54 am

A wife and mother of two here! We're managing. Encourage your wife to hang on her phone with friends as much as possible. Work on creating routines for both of you. If you're into any kind of art, make it - helps keep you sane.


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IsabellaLinton
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20 Mar 2020, 11:57 am

I agree with you that it's like paradise (other than the unfortunate reasons).

I've heard a lot of people on this forum and elsewhere saying that their needs for quiet time are being usurped by partners who are home. I really hope that anyone who needs and thrives on solitude will set boundaries with their partner. I keep hearing "but my partner wants .... (to talk) (to watch TV) (to spend time together) ...." and it seems few of us are telling our families that we have needs too. I would recommend making your wishes and needs a priority just as much as theirs. Set aside x number of hours per day for uninterrupted time away from your partner, for the good of your relationship.

I'm concerned that most autistic people aren't voicing their needs and will end up resenting whoever shares their quarantine, because they won't have time to themselves.

Your needs matter too.



underwater
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20 Mar 2020, 12:05 pm

I'm going slightly bonkers staying home so much. I would be despondent without my family, but trying to homeschool and do my own job and take care of my family in this difficult situation is making me so stressed I have trouble sleeping and I get angry about just about anything. Really need some alone time.


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magz
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20 Mar 2020, 12:15 pm

underwater wrote:
I'm going slightly bonkers staying home so much. I would be despondent without my family, but trying to homeschool and do my own job and take care of my family in this difficult situation is making me so stressed I have trouble sleeping and I get angry about just about anything. Really need some alone time.

Can you take a solitary walk every evening?


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underwater
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20 Mar 2020, 12:17 pm

magz wrote:
underwater wrote:
I'm going slightly bonkers staying home so much. I would be despondent without my family, but trying to homeschool and do my own job and take care of my family in this difficult situation is making me so stressed I have trouble sleeping and I get angry about just about anything. Really need some alone time.

Can you take a solitary walk every evening?


I think I'll give it a go. How are you surviving?


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magz
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20 Mar 2020, 12:48 pm

underwater wrote:
magz wrote:
underwater wrote:
I'm going slightly bonkers staying home so much. I would be despondent without my family, but trying to homeschool and do my own job and take care of my family in this difficult situation is making me so stressed I have trouble sleeping and I get angry about just about anything. Really need some alone time.

Can you take a solitary walk every evening?

I think I'll give it a go. How are you surviving?

I don't work so I put all my energy into family management.
My husband is an introvert so it's easier. He shuts himself in our bedroom and works remotely all day.
Every other day he wakes up at 5am and goes to make nature shots. That seems to keep him sane.
I require my kids to do their schoolwork before they can play video games. It takes us a few hours sometimes.
Then I clean the apartament and either watch tv series or play guitar. The kids interrupt me, there is food to prepare, etc. but still it's my rest time.
If the kids get too irritable, I arrange dancing or drawing activities. That helps.
If the sky is clear in the night, I skywatch from my balcony. That's really relaxing.
Staying sane is on my priority list just under staying safe.


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darkwaver
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20 Mar 2020, 1:03 pm

Same here, both me and my extroverted wife are working at home right now, and I feel more responsible for taking care of her interaction needs. I don't want her to get depressed. We both work at processing health insurance claims, so there is likely to be lots of overtime. I'm lucky to still have a job, but can't help wishing for some free time.



kraftiekortie
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20 Mar 2020, 1:15 pm

Glad you got the overtime!



IstominFan
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20 Mar 2020, 2:31 pm

I am the Asperger person who got a taste of what normal was like, but now I'm back in my old life before 2011. Any setbacks before this were easy to deal with by comparison. I knew what I needed to do to come back. I could do all the right things and my life won't come back any faster. I will try anyway.