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starfishkat
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24 Mar 2020, 7:46 pm

Hi everyone. I will try to make this short :)

Last month I went to get an adult autism evaluation. I decided to go after my regular psychologist mentioned that some of the issues I was having were due to the fact that I "was like my other autistic family members" (dad, nephew, cousins). When I pressed her on it she brushed me off saying that she didn't believe in "labels" and that I was so high functioning that no one would believe me anyhow, especially as a woman. I started reading about autism spectrum (non-stop for a month) and suddenly my entire life made sense.
Anyhoo, I made an appointment with a neuropsychologist for an evaluation and I was hoping to get some feedback on it. It was incredibly awkward. The appointment was 45 minutes long. He asked me general questions but then started to ask me really uncomfortable questions about sex and personal hygiene. Is that normal???? At the end he told me that he wanted to make sure that I wasn't bullshitting him to get a diagnosis (why the hell would anyone do that??), but he could tell by the answers to the "sex"/hygiene questions that he believed I had aspergers and that he would put me through the 10 hours of testing. He gave me two questionaires to fill out and told me he would call to schedule testing. I haven't heard from him since.
Weird? Normal? I don't know what is going on.... clearly with the whole corona crisis everything is messed up anyhow. Just surprised I never heard anything from the office. Part of me is sad because I was looking forward to finally having some answers . I didn't expect to get blown off
Also, in my heart of hearts I am SO lonely during this stay in place order. I would give anything to want to connect to someone. i could easily go and stay with my mom or a friend or my partner, but the idea of that much closeness is literally painful to me. I can't do it. I don't know how to be close to people and it makes me sad :cry: Do others feel this way? I just want to feel like I belong somewhere..
Thanks for reading. I hope everyone is staying well and safe :heart:



SharonB
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24 Mar 2020, 8:28 pm

I'm a TMI ASD type so I was also very excited by my evaluation - I was frustrated that I was embarrassed by my responses and didn't share more. I also had difficulties managing the delays and communication; for me: trying to find the appropriate frequency --- wait two days? four days? one week? at each step, when my instinct was to call and leave a message or email EVERY day. My assessor was also dismissive, but he was highly recommended for being able to diagnose adult women. He didn't ask directly about hygiene and sex, but I had already dropped clues about both. As I prepared and researched I realized I appeared "high functioning" (enough) on the outside but the internal experience and effort was grueling and I began to suspect I was closer to moderate. I did not share my suspicions with him as I wanted an unbiased evaluation. Sure enough he diagnosed me as "mild to moderate ASD" --- and credited my very superior IQ for my ability to compensate. In the end it took two months to have the final report and final meeting (that I requested). I heard from other women that for some it took even longer (they must have waited longer that I before barraging the provider with voicemails and emails ;).

I have to step away so don't have time to respond to the 2nd part of your post. I'll be back. Hugs.



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26 Mar 2020, 7:34 am

Asking questions about sex and hygiene issues is relevant given that ASD folks have differences in the way they think about such things (so long as the interview wasn't solely about that). Given the corona situation it may take a while before the assessor would be able to to the assessment proper as most health care services are now moving to a videoconferencing format because of social distancing. They may not be blowing you off, but are entitled to ask for an approximate waiting time for your assessment.

Everyone need a place where they belong. Loneliness sucks when you want to be close to people.



SharonB
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26 Mar 2020, 7:53 am

starfishkat wrote:
At the end he told me that he wanted to make sure that I wasn't bullshitting him to get a diagnosis (why the hell would anyone do that??)

I've heard of similar stories about that also, but don't recall the details. Both of the other adult women in my ASD group were asked by their assessor what they would do if they didn't get the diagnosis. I don't recall being asked that --- probably b/c I told him I was so excited to talk and then was unable to. I have a very, very hard time regulating my emotions: the energetic "warm" ASD type, but the other two women --- one in particular are the calm, "cool" ASD type. I can imagine them thinking: "why would you ask me that?". They were also taken aback b/c they brought it up at group.

starfishkat wrote:
I don't know how to be close to people and it makes me sad :cry: Do others feel this way?

For me it's more a fear. I have an impulse to call a friend, but I know it would be "out of the blue" or awkward on the phone, so I don't. Or I have an impulse to visit my sister, but I know she'll be disgusted by me as she always has been, so I don't. Here's the rub --- now that I know about myself, I can do those things and find the people who will accept my style (unmasked), and assert myself (kindly) with the others. Musing for myself: In my old age I have accumulated some friends (including an ASD-like BFF) and at least one assures me that I am not so awful. :wink: I often get called "cute", but do people want "cute" (volatile) friends? Perhaps not many, but some.



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26 Mar 2020, 8:34 am

Hello.
Still waiting to be assessed as the assessment team have lots of people waiting and they are doing their best.
Yes. This contriband virus thing has slowed any process of assessment etc.

All you can do is be patient and keep yourself amused. I have a funny sort of humour so it keeps me amused! Haha.

I hope all goes well for you. And remember, even if you don't get any results back, the learning about yourself in the research you have already done is priceless. (Uhmm. Priceless? Does this mean it is free? Interesting word).


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Empathy 11/80. AQ 39. May make sense to some. :)


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26 Mar 2020, 4:17 pm

Welcome to Wrong Planet!


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starfishkat
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28 Mar 2020, 8:21 pm

Thank you everyone for all of your kind replies. I really appreciate the feedback. Sorry for not commenting sooner, I have been under the weather for the past week. Definitely puts things in perspective.
Still hoping at some point to get a definitive diagnosis though.
I'm past feeling lonely. Part of me doesn't mind just "staying in my head" at home. If that makes any sense .



I love belko61
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28 Mar 2020, 10:03 pm

Hi Starfishkat, welcome! I recently did a month of research too and came to the conclusion I have autism. What an eye opener! High functioning in most ways so it goes unnoticed. If you do get a diagnosis please let us know either way - it might give me the courage to get assessed myself. The more time goes by the more I want to know because I am totally identifying with it. I hinted at my difficulties with several people and it has calmed so many of my inner stresses. I don't feel like a deer in the headlights anymore.
Good luck :)



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Today, 12:43 pm

Welcome here,glad to have you


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