Severe rage last night. In danger of being evicted

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Last night my anxiety and anger due to Covid-19 led to me throwing a huge rage, and I smashed things while screaming my head off. I accidentally hurt myself, which led to me screaming and raging even worse. Naturally this woke up everyone else in the building but I didn't care. Then I swept up all the smashed pieces of teacups and went to bed, and it took hours to fall asleep, and when I finally did I had bad dreams. I slept in until almost 1 pm but got a phone call from my mother saying the landlord called her and told her about my bad night, She started making all these suggestions but none of them will work and her talking just makes my anxiety and depression worse.

Talking about my fears doesn't help. My hobbies don't help. Medication and therapy definitely does not help. I seriously want to kill myself, but I can't.

I am a failure at everything and this pandemic just emphasizes it even worse. I am a total worthless piece of human waste. My anxiety is horrible and it gets 100 times worse than the average person. I will just have to try not to have my rages and meltdowns late at night when most normal human beings are asleep. Why can't I just kill myself?

There has been a freeze on evictions in many places, including the US and Canada.

I’m sorry you’ve been going through all this.

I wish you can find a way to talk to people and to allow them to try to help you.

It's not your fault there's a stupid unseen virus out there. Nor is it your fault that you have a condition that many of us battle with. Virtually the entire world is in the same situation - lockdown etc except for various remote islands etc. If you are also in lockdown it can feel very weird. A friend from a town just under an hour's drive away is feeling lonely but we can't go anywhere non-essential at the moment until after Easter.

It feels as quiet as a scene from a post apocalyptic movie. Hardly any movement. But our nation's flag was still flying proudly at the top of its mast. We will get through this together!

You're not worthless. I used to feel that way and have also survived PTSD. If i got through that, which was the worst time of my life, I know we can survive the panic and difficulty most of us are experiencing.

I think you'll find your mom and the landlord to be more understanding at this time, as Kraftie says.

Have you tried any of the natural calming stuff out there, such as camomile tea?

Get your diagnoses documented


Get a lawyer and claim


disability discrimination

I'm glad you can talk about it here. I hope you find a way to help you unwind, like watching less news and maybe watch a few comedy shows instead. If you are safely at home it doesn't help to focus on the news too much.

I don't think you will be evicted, as in time other people might start to scream out of depression and anxiety of having no freedom for weeks. Families will soon be at each other's throats.

I had a meltdown last week, but it was in the day. I just couldn't accept the fact that I could not take a normal trip to the supermarket and buy the groceries I wanted, and not getting any slots online just tipped me over the edge. I went into full meltdown mode; ran around the apartment screaming, then threw myself on the bed and cried and cried. It was an overwhelming feeling of helplessness.

I've come to accept it a bit more now, as we have worked out ways around the things that were making me anxious, and the supermarkets are more controlled now so that people aren't emptying all the shelves like there's no tomorrow. So I do feel a bit more chilled. The only thing I'm suffering with now is depression of not being able to enjoy the beautiful springtime or spend my birthday with my family. All that makes me feel sad.

We will be here for you so you can have a bit of a virtual birthday online! When is it?

It's tough at the moment. My country's in full lockdown and it feels unbelievably quiet - which is actually very peaceful and the birds are free to sing without interruptions! I've been through tough times such as prolonged PTSD and mental issues - which led to my diagnosis in the first place so a blessing in disguise - so I know we can get through this together. if you don't have any pets of your own to bond with, watch some animal videos!