Losing Hope

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I used to have hope that I'd be able to forge out a life for myself that I was satisfied with. I used to have hope that eventually, I would be able to get my first girlfriend. I used to have hope that I'd emerge victorious over my core life challenges. But as I near my mid 20s, that hope that I once had is quickly being replaced by feelings of alienation and suicidality.

I was only 12 when I first started to seriously desire a romantic relationship, and more than a decade later, I'm no closer to being in one than when I was that bright-eyed 12 year-old boy. That cuts deep, and I think having endured this has done irreparable damage to my life and self-image. It's certainly lead to me doing things that have caused irreparable damage to myself. And just the mere idea that its the norm for others much younger than me to get a relationship while I've spent the last 10 years suffering because of my inability to get a relationship chips away at my will to live.

I'm sincerely starting to believe that it's more likely that I'll end up orchestrating my own death than succeed at the areas of life that are meaningfully important to me. One of the two will definitely end up happening.

Trust me when I say I know how easy it is to fall into a pit of despair and have negative thoughts dominate how you feel your future will turn out. I was older than you are when I met the woman of my dreams and I wasn't even looking for her, it just happened by coincidence. Before I met her I had similar thoughts about being alone forever, though I didn't completely fixate on those thoughts which I think helped me when the relationship turned romantic in nature. So try to stay hopeful, you're a smart guy and not bad looking so all that has to happen is running into someone that you click with.

Yeah, I spent the entire age range you’ve outlined pretty similar.
Pining after one girl or another, convinced I would be single & miserable forever, convinced I deserved to be single & miserable forever.
And it was when I was your age I gave up on even thinking about romance, buried myself in Uni work.
Since then a small number of women (5) have found me attractive, none of them I sought out or pursued: the last of which asked me to marry her. (That was when I was 32)

I have a little germ of a theory that we come into our own in that regard later than NT men, but can be all the better for it in the long term: maybe we’re more mature at every stage and less likely to take them for granted... not sure of my thoughts there, but I offer them for your consideration.

Hope you find peace and contentment with yourself regardless of what happens on the romance front.

I don't know what to say to express my empathy, but please know that I care.
I hope you can find hope.

(( Hugs from Is ))

You’re a young man, Inquisitor. You’re a smart man, too.

And you’re losing weight.

I wish there was a way to know how you would look should you trim or shave off your beard.

I had a beard just like yours when I was about your age. It didn’t look good on me. I shaved it.

There is definitely hope for you.

^ Dude, The Grand Inquisitor has an awesome beard! I wish I could grow a beard as nice as his.

I never came close to his....

I forgot to shave so I have a beard.

Now is probably a time that many are feeling the culminating pressures of a changed world and its bringing our underlying challenges to the surface.

I still see potential in you TGI.

Like many autistic men, like my partner who is autistic too, the big milestones seem to come later to those who are in the right place when the opportunities do come along.

I see lots of potential in you as well.

I wish you could go to University.

Seem here,but I'm much older than you.Women just don't never seen me as relationship material or even friendship material.In fact,I don't remember a single girl/woman outside of family who have ever liked me in anyway,shape,or form.

At your age, 36, I didn’t have my drivers license yet.

(((TGI)))

I wish I could package up and send you hope. Hang in there. It does get better. And like other posters here have pointed out, you may meet the person you click with when you least expect it.

37 years old and I lost all hope a long time ago

What kind of hope

False hope