Mild autism traits in women

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Hello! I'm a 19 yo girl and I want to ask what are autistic traits in girls? I have some weird mannerisms that are scaring me. I often find myself rocking from side to side, also holding my hands holding my hands up in front of my waist with the wrists limp (like a trex) I also forget things really really fast, in a second but I have really good photographic memory. I can literally remember the positioning of a word on a random page. My smell is really weak. I'm really attached to objects.. I don't know hoe much that matters. I also repeat a word a lot,there are words I use in most of my sentences 90% of the time that have nothing to do with the subject. I also have bad balance. (maybe because i'm 5'11 really tall for a girl) I am clueless and I wanna know more about this topic. Should I go to a doctor? Sorry if I offended anyone with my dumb question.

Hello, and welcome to wrong planet.

Not a dumb question at all. I don't know the answer but I think there is enough strange behaviour to consider the possibility of being on the spectrum. No one here will be able to give you a yes or no. There are two options; one is to interact online with others who are on the spectrum on lots of different issues, this will give you a good idea. The second is to push for an assessment. This can take a long time depending where you are.

Welcome to WrongPlanet.

It does sound like you could be autistic.

Generally autistic women experience similar symptoms to men but perhaps in slightly different ways, particularly in childhood. For example, special interests might be more typical of girls.

I can’t tell you whether you should see a doctor. That is a decision for you to make for yourself based on how much you want to be diagnosed, how easy it is to access diagnostic services for you, and so forth.

^To get an assessment you have to persuade a doctor to refer you and then you go on a waiting list that can be as long as two years but I am in the UK, so it may be different for you. Persuading a doctor can be difficult, they can often be quite ignorant of what autism can look like particularly in females and in what difference a diagnosis can make. The key is perseverance and not saying that you are sure you are autistic as they often don't think there is any point in an assessment if you already know. An assessment by someone experienced with the full spectrum is the best way to know though particularly for those in less common areas of the spectrum (it's very broad).

It's nice to meet another oddball whether you're on the spectrum or not.

If you think you could be autistic and are female my advise would be to really research the traits in females and if you want to find out if you are indeed autistic you need to have a lot to back it up. My own therapist didn't agree until my mum came in with a bunch of facts. Some of what you describe does sound a bit like stimming so there may be something. Welcome to WP by the way!

^My mum had to fill out a really long questionnaire. I told her before she did so that she could send it off direct afterwards so I would not see what she put. I wanted her to be as honest as possible. I did not know if I was autistic, it was simply where I started my search so if I wasn't I wanted to know. She sent it off but was happy to tell me what she had put. She had remembered things from my childhood that I hadn't probably because I did not know they were odd at the time so I think her input helped. However she told me not to worry as she hadn't put in anything about *******(I honestly can't remember what it was but it was odd and apparently I did it as a child) I said 'why didn't you put that in?' when she finally answered it turned out she thought I wouldn't want them to know I was THAT weird. I can laugh about it now but at the time and a bit because I was worried it might affect the results.

There are some good youtubers out there (stick to the positive people). I like Sarah Hendrickx and Yo Samdy Sam for specific info related to females. But autism is a spectrum and can show itself in a variety of ways. Both women are professionals who themselves are autistic. I also like The Aspie World, which has more general info. Watch, and see if you can relate.

This list helped me, but then I have many decades to reflect on. I am a "hyper" ASD type (expressive, sensitive, sensation seeking) so related right away. My BFF is a "hypo" ASD type (non-expressive, not sensitive, avoidant) and isn't sure. So the list might not "work" for some types.
https://the-art-of-autism.com/females-a ... checklist/

I also found some very good memoirs at the library of both "hyper" and "hypo" types so could relate myself to the former and relate the latter to my BFF.

The more I researched and became self aware, the more I realized I am not just mild, I have areas that are moderate. My ASD coach explained that some people have low impulse and low impulse control --- I am like a person with high impulses and high impulse control.

Anyhow, now that I know I am learning better self-care and it's been good!

Wishing you well as you explore your way of being (whatever it may be).

(part 1)

if you google you can find a lot of articles on autism in females and you will probably recognize a lot of stuff that you had not thought about before.

There is a lot more knowledge out there nowadays...I went through psychiatry first and I have so many (sometimes conflicting) psychiatric diagnoses it is ridiculous. They really do want to usher females into the psychology bin first if they can, it seems, to me it's good you have the physical tics that you can talk about, and other stuff you will recognize.

I will share some of the most prevalent things I have, that are ASD related:

problems with perception, i.e. reading people, figuring out situations (other people will know 'the plot' and I will miss a lot of what is going on around me w/regard to people's intentions and motivations), people have called me 'naive' or say I have no 'common sense', some people call it 'child-like' to, it's common with autistics

sensory issues: bright lights, loud noises, tactile issues like not being able to deal with strong textures in clothing or any kind of discomfort like zippers, buttons, binding clothing. autistic females are also said to prefer plain clothing and little or no makeup and simple hairstyles, it may not be true of all of us but it is with me

not being able to interact socially in a competent way, especially in groups of females (pecking order issues)...this is torture for me and at this point in life I just refuse to put myself in those situations where I have to be in an all female group, I can't do it, no way, no how, not going there.

vocal intonation-i'm way too quiet when i speak and people used to always tell me to speak up and many times get mad because I couldn't seem to raise my voice loud enough

eye contact-either i'm looking down at the floor ( I can't tell you how many times someone has lifted my chin with their hand to get me to look at their face while i'm talking) or I'm staring when I shouldn't be, it's like too much or not enough

(continued in next post

part 2 of my post (it wouldn't post the whole thing)

too direct behaviors that a lot of people interpret as being overly blunt or harsh, no verbal filter which is offensive sometimes

hyper-emotionalism sometimes, I've been diagnosed 'borderline' once (BPD) which even an MSW friend of mine said was b.s...I just read an article that called it 'emotional dysregulia', first time I'd heard that terminology but I know it applies to me, I am way over emotional at times and people think I'm insane. I'm not talking about screaming and yelling but the intensity of my emotions, I shake and stutter and get choked up and can't breath when I am upset.

clumsiness, lack of coordination-there is a long phrase for this which I can never remember but I am never oriented in the world right, I fall a lot, walk into a lot of doors, etc, have zero athletic ability etc

obsession with music and languages (and word origins etc) I think in music in terms of I can think of a song for every situation, I just found out the languages thing is actually common in ASD people, I thought it was just me

this is just my personal list, none of these are psychiatric, they are neurological deficiencies except the last one...I do have legitimate PTSD though and a history of severe trauma though so this is why I got shepherded into the psychiatric diagnoses so much but none of them explained my basic sensory and perception issues which are the ones that have absolutely wrecked my life and made it almost impossible for me to earn a decent living in life. I've had spurts of stability but am now on disability though I am trying to go to work, it helped when I figured out that I need to work manual labor repetitive jobs (a common preference among aspies, asd people) and work alone as much as possible.

also issues with getting over-stimulated by the sensory issues and by being around too many people or too much sensory stimulation, like I love music but I have been to very few concerts because the thought of that is actually pretty miserable to me. If I go to concerts it is when they are held outside so I can control how close other people get to me and get away if I have to.

over time my anxiety has increased and that is like secondary to the issues above, it is like cumulative at having so many failures in life and how long it took me to get a truly accurate diagnosis and not some psychiatric label that didn't address the neurological stuff that was hanging me up so much and making me hate life.

-or you might not. I was obsessed with trains, planes, tropical nature, and particularly insects growing up.

I've always wondered if I was somewhat more immune to gender-based expectations of me as a kid, because of being on the spectrum. I don't really know for sure.

You definitely seem like you could be autistic.

I would avoid the online lists of female autistic traits. Some might come from experienced doctors, but some of them seem to have been manufactured by self-diagnosed non-experts with dubious motivations. I've seen some that were so vague they could apply to anyone, autistic or not.

If you want to research whether your traits are autistic, the best way is to look up the diagnostic criteria and see whether you fit it.

I couldn't tell if I fit the diagnosis, b/c my normal was normal (for me) - we all have strengths and weaknesses - I couldn't see that I had diagnosable "deficits" relative to others. (Can I diagnose the rest of the population as having deficits relative to me?) I had to know what others considered "normal" and didn't know. So when I took the assessment tests and discovered I was 4% of normal (for others) for social motivation etc. I was like "huh, who knew?" I suppose my mom yelling at me that I had "no friends" was a clue, but again, it didn't bother me in itself, her shaming me did. I didn't think of myself as rigid or EF challenged until I realized how it was relative to others in certain areas. I can be very flexible solving one type of problem, but not so much another. That's why the books and lists were helpful for me --- I could see that ASD is what I considered normal -for those diagnosed (to starkid's point).

This did not work for me. Just from reading those criteria I would never have even guessed that I could be autistic.

I researched autism for a project at my school (I used to be a teacher) for a few weeks and didn't think it had anything to do with me until I happened upon a list of female Asperger traits. Reading those was like reading a description of myself.

That lead to me seeking a diagnosis.

I would also encourage you to try and get a diagnosis. I didn't talk to my doctor because I was sure that he wouldn't take me seriously. I searched the internet for "austism organisations" in my area and asked them where I could get an assessment.

Maybe they did describe you well, but that doesn't mean that they describe autism well. Like I said, some of those traits can apply to almost anyone.

I meant, that not everyone can see themselves in the "official criteria" because they don't give specific examples.

Are you trying to imply that I'm not really autistic when you say "Like I said, some of those traits can apply to almost anyone."?