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Loborojo
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04 May 2020, 7:25 am

I have heard, many a time, when getting into a debate or discussion. I wind myself up, near a meltdown...I 'lose' the plot? My emotions take over..and that is when they hurl abuse at me by saying; "You act like an 8-year-old. I have seen it recently in a Netflix movie, and I went down memory lane, so I began to wonder, what is it that makes them call us childish? And is this typical an insult for an Asperger..how many of you here, have been called childish. And maybe I am a split personality, I just cannot seem to separate the immature self from the mature intellectual that I am...when they say that, it really stings...The last time I was called that was when I was an English instructor.

A colleague and I debated about noise-he made some, and kept me on my toes. Is it the emotional thing that they cannot handle and think is the temperament of a child that throws tantrums. Is that why so many children are attracted to me because they feel I still am a kid inside? Are neurotypicals more mature or is it all pretend?

Last year my sister called me childish, because I had dare to ask for an explanation as to why she finished her letter with 2 kisses xx, and I had sent 3...wheter she had actually opted for 2 kisses and not 3 and why...and so on...details, yes...


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Joe90
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04 May 2020, 11:51 am

I hate being called childish. It feels like a true insult to me and often triggers off a bad response.


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06 May 2020, 6:19 pm

Children have not yet learned how to handle their emotions, so they get really upset and have outbursts and tantrums. So yes, if your emotions "take over" and you have a meltdown, people see that as something a child would do. They don't understand that a meltdown is not the same thing as a tantrum, they don't understand that something called alexithymia can make it difficult to handle emotions, etc.



I love belko61
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06 May 2020, 8:50 pm

Another aspect is that you might be insisting on being right. Try to listen to someone else's point of view, don't interrupt, don't talk over someone so they get to speak. I have done all these things in the past and some people used to get angry with me.
Another thing you might be doing that isn't appreciated is being overly prepared. You have your whole argument already formed in your mind and nobody is going to change your opinion. So the debate is one-sided - so to someone else, it is a waste of their time. You end up talking at them, not to them. Again, I've been guilty of this in the past.



skibum
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07 May 2020, 7:14 pm

Loborojo wrote:
I have heard, many a time, when getting into a debate or discussion. I wind myself up, near a meltdown...I 'lose' the plot? My emotions take over..and that is when they hurl abuse at me by saying; "You act like an 8-year-old. I have seen it recently in a Netflix movie, and I went down memory lane, so I began to wonder, what is it that makes them call us childish? And is this typical an insult for an Asperger..how many of you here, have been called childish. And maybe I am a split personality, I just cannot seem to separate the immature self from the mature intellectual that I am...when they say that, it really stings...The last time I was called that was when I was an English instructor.

A colleague and I debated about noise-he made some, and kept me on my toes. Is it the emotional thing that they cannot handle and think is the temperament of a child that throws tantrums. Is that why so many children are attracted to me because they feel I still am a kid inside? Are neurotypicals more mature or is it all pretend?

Last year my sister called me childish, because I had dare to ask for an explanation as to why she finished her letter with 2 kisses xx, and I had sent 3...wheter she had actually opted for 2 kisses and not 3 and why...and so on...details, yes...
It could perhaps be because you might have the limbic system of a child. There was an autopsy research project done by Dr Margaret Bowman (might be spelling that wrong) where they had studied Autistic brains next to non Autistic brains. They found that the limbic systems of the Autistic brains had too many neurons and they were too small making them like the limbic systems of children. They Limbic system is a huge part of the emotional brain and that is why we stay very young emotionally.


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Loborojo
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07 May 2020, 8:56 pm

Hi. Thank you all for the responses...which I find to be somewhat clarifying. Especially the last one. Ralph, I never heard about the limbic thing. But what I know is that in furiates a lot of people.


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skibum
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07 May 2020, 10:13 pm

Loborojo wrote:
Hi. Thank you all for the responses...which I find to be somewhat clarifying. Especially the last one. Ralph, I never heard about the limbic thing. But what I know is that in furiates a lot of people.
the limbic system is located in the center of the brain. It is like the control center for our emotional responses. What they found is that in Autistic people the limbic system does not develop like it does for neurotypical people. Because of this, we are much younger emotionally than our chronological ages. Many Autistic adults that I know personally have an emotional capacity of between around six and twelve years old. One of my Autistic friends is 36 but her emotional capacity is about 15. That is actually pretty high compared to many Autistics. My emotional capacity is about 4-6 years old even though I am chronologically 53. But the limbic system being underdeveloped, this all happens in the second trimester of the pregnancy, is one of the major factors that contributes to us being so emotionally young.

We also tend to be very young socially as well since our social areas of the brain develop differently also. I am about 10-12 socially. And I will never get older in my social and emotional ages. It is not possible for me to age in those areas no matter how badly neurotypicals might want or need me to for their comfort and convenience.

People who cannot understand this concept insist that we are acting immaturely on purpose just to annoy them. They cannot understand that we have no choice in this. It would be like telling a intellectually disabled or mentally retarded person that he is acting immaturely on purpose just to annoy people around him.

It is most difficult if you are "high functioning" because if you are, people are very reluctant to believe or accept that parts of your brain actually have not developed as would match your chronogical age. They expect you to match your chronological age in every area of functioning but it is impossible for you to do that. That is part of what the definition of a developmental disability is.


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08 May 2020, 2:35 pm

[/quote]It could perhaps be because you might have the limbic system of a child. There was an autopsy research project done by Dr Margaret Bowman (might be spelling that wrong) where they had studied Autistic brains next to non Autistic brains. They found that the limbic systems of the Autistic brains had too many neurons and they were too small making them like the limbic systems of children. They Limbic system is a huge part of the emotional brain and that is why we stay very young emotionally.[/quote]


I would love to read that study, I am really interested in how our brains are actually physically different from NT's or whatever you call non-us humans. I wonder what would cause there to be more neurons...like something we are born with or something that happened...



skibum
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08 May 2020, 3:02 pm

mchkry wrote:
It could perhaps be because you might have the limbic system of a child. There was an autopsy research project done by Dr Margaret Bowman (might be spelling that wrong) where they had studied Autistic brains next to non Autistic brains. They found that the limbic systems of the Autistic brains had too many neurons and they were too small making them like the limbic systems of children. They Limbic system is a huge part of the emotional brain and that is why we stay very young emotionally.[/quote]


I would love to read that study, I am really interested in how our brains are actually physically different from NT's or whatever you call non-us humans. I wonder what would cause there to be more neurons...like something we are born with or something that happened...[/quote]I will find the YouTube link for you


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blazingstar
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08 May 2020, 4:31 pm

I love belko61 wrote:
Another aspect is that you might be insisting on being right. Try to listen to someone else's point of view, don't interrupt, don't talk over someone so they get to speak. I have done all these things in the past and some people used to get angry with me.
Another thing you might be doing that isn't appreciated is being overly prepared. You have your whole argument already formed in your mind and nobody is going to change your opinion. So the debate is one-sided - so to someone else, it is a waste of their time. You end up talking at them, not to them. Again, I've been guilty of this in the past.


I know these symptoms well. It has taken me decades to learn how to tamp that down. 8O


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08 May 2020, 5:09 pm

I can’t recall ever being called childish, but I do certainly feel childlike. In some ways, I am still like a child, but in others I seem to be far more mature than most NTs can ever hope to be over the course of their lifetimes. I place my typical emotional age around 10.


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10 May 2020, 3:05 pm

Here it the youtube link to the study I mentioned earlier about the limbic system of the brain being younger for Autistics. It's a very old study but it holds none the less.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2o6KYIw2yww


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10 May 2020, 4:18 pm

I've just watched the video on the study. It gave me insight on why I'm so emotionally immature.


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10 May 2020, 4:20 pm

I am so glad it helped you understand a new perspective. When I first saw it and then researched more about it, there is not much more documented other than her study, but her study is powerful, it also really helped me understand what is actually going on. I am so glad that this study is out there for us to see it. It is very documented that many of us are emotionally very young but this is the first medical brain documentation I have seen explaining it.


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Loborojo
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11 May 2020, 2:58 am

Thanks, yes, you opened up a can of worms here...


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kraftiekortie
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11 May 2020, 5:41 am

Next time, give her 4 kisses....