I thought he was our friend

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A few months back, I mentioned that I was not upset about a friend drifting apart from my other friends and I because I have been meeting other people too. I even mentioned that he was not a good friend.

However, I am sad today because I thought he was our friend and I feel like he abandoned us for this new group of cool people at this church. Like us, he is on the spectrum and struggled to make friends before this. Then he joined this church and suddenly he's popular and seems to think he's better than us. The last couple of times we were together, all he did was show us pictures of his recent friends and talk about the things they do. Not once has he introduced us to any of them or anything.

Meanwhile, things have become more and more one-sided where my other friends and I have done all the reaching out. He also has been ghosting us more and bailing on. Before COVID-19 he bailed on another friend by coming up by lying to him why he could not make it. He looked online and found out that he went to breakfast with this church group. When my other friend called him out, he got an attitude with him. "You need to understand that plans change."

He was your friend and I'm sorry that he decided to change his friendships without really giving you guys any closure. He hasn't abandoned you guys though he just well...moved on without really telling you guys, which is kind of a crappy move but, we can't control others only ourselves.

If he was making all kinds of excuses anyway this "new" him may not have been good for you and your friends anyway. I can't relate because I lack friends(besides one) but, I'm sorry it happened and I hope you can move past this.

Then he was not a friend at all.  Never confuse attention for friendship.

he might not know how it's affecting you. but he could also not care which is very possible...

Is it okay if I let him know how I felt?

Are you prepared for conflict?

I am going to do it in a different way

"I am thrilled that you have found people who you are compatible with but I am sad because I would have liked for our friendship to continue. I feel you turned your back on us by finding these new friends. In fact, I feel like you used us until you found something better. "

Is that ok?

You don't need my permission to make a fool of yourself.  Likely, his mind will focus on the words "I am thrilled that you", completely disregard the rest, and therefore see you as approving his every action.

But what do I know?  I'm just a 60-something year old aspie male who has observed this same situation play out many times over in the last 30 to 40 years, so pay absolutely no attention to me...

... at your own risk.

ignore the man behind the curtain, For I am the great and powerful Oz .
Friends come and friends go .. life is like a box of chocolates .....and so on and so on......... things like these never fail to still hurt .

No Fnord, no I see where you are coming from because I have had experiences with people who disregarded what I said only to be told "I am sorry but, I have this going on. I will talk to you when I have time."

Alas, I am upset with him for stabbing my friends and me in the back for this group of people who are more cool and popular. Not only that I felt like he used us until he found something better and I don't appreciate that.

My question would be what truly upsets you about the situation. Do you miss that person, wish you were engaged with other people as this person is? Do you wish to control the terms of socializing in general? If they weren't a good friend, I would try to pinpoint why this is so bothersome to you. It may have nothing to do with any person.

While I understand the situation, I do not see it as a problem.  If he is that disloyal, then you're better off without him; and if he is always looking for a 'better' circle of friends, then he was never really your friend in the first place.  Besides, once his new friends get tired of him, he will likely come crawling back to you, and you can treat him as he treated you -- it's only fair.

Why does it upset me?
1. It was one of those friendships where we were very close for many years - 16 to exact
2. I keep seeming to get ditched by people and though I have friends, I feel that because I am autistic, I am not good enough for most people. To be honest I feel that way now.

The old animated cartoon meme “With friends like that, who needs enemies?” Comes to mind.

Doesn’t matter. He already cast the dice. F ‘em if he can’t take a joke!

I don't consider him an enemy, but more of a user who didn't like us to begin with. To me, an enemy is someone who latches onto you because they have some agenda in mind.

-For instance someone who befriends you just to gain your confidence so they can tear you down to other people and he didn't do that.

In case, he was "Lonely."

In all honesty, he didn't really treat me very well
1. At he times was controlling with me and would talk down to my behavior. "Sweetie, you're too loud."
2. Other times, he would give me this condescending look
3. He also sexually harassed me at times -

Despite him being a jerk, we would have our good time together