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It's like they don't owe us a thing

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Summer_Twilight
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10 Jun 2020, 10:25 am

Today I am feeling very sad about the friends who once communicated with us about everything suddenly ghost us and don't tell us why or how they concluded on why they rejected us. It's like we don't even matter to them anymore and they don't owe us a sort of explanation and I don't like that. I don't think I have ever had anyone give me any sort of reason why I am being blown off.



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10 Jun 2020, 10:32 am

Summer_Twilight wrote:
Today I am feeling very sad about the friends who once communicated with us about everything suddenly ghost us and don't tell us why or how they concluded on why they rejected us. It's like we don't even matter to them anymore and they don't owe us a sort of explanation ...
Unfortunately, that kind of behavior is not ours to control, unless we are the ones doing the "ghosting".

Also, they really don't "owe" us anything, unless it is the material goods they borrowed or the pay we have earned.  Most of the time, it's simply best to "ghost" them in return rather than obsess over them or their motivations.


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Summer_Twilight
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10 Jun 2020, 12:50 pm

I feel that it is very rude when you put so much effort into a friendship like that and have them communicate about everything else but they can't give you a reason they are dumping you. It's like your friendship was suddenly on big joke to them. I don't care for passive aggressiveness and this whole thing that you have to be careful about other people's feelings.

If you ask them, they either ghost you or say things like "I am sorry but I don't have time for friends" and then you look on social media and they are there with everyone else.

I mean, they don't have to talk about every detail, but I wish they would say something like
"I don't think we are a good fit for each other because of this,"
A. We had nothing in common/ We are not compatible
B. We haven't been getting along and I think it's best if we took a break
C. You did or said things that upset us
D. We are in different places of our lives

Why can't people just do that?



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10 Jun 2020, 2:06 pm

Summer_Twilight wrote:
Why can't people just do that?
People can, but most choose not to.

The difficulties of trying to explain to someone why you are dumping them draws out the process and makes it all the more painful for both people.  This seems to be why most states provide for a "No-Fault Divorce", wherein one or both parties claim "Irreconcilable Differences".

There are some questions that simply cannot be answered, and I'm sorry that I don't have any other answers for you, except that I had to learn the hard way that the best method of recovering from betrayal by a false friend is to excise every memory of that person from your life forever.  In simpler terms, it might be better for you to consider that person as dead, and move on with your life as if he really is dead.

The best way to get over a broken relationship is to walk away from the pieces and never look back.


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10 Jun 2020, 3:24 pm

Some friends have ghosted me and have actually explained why. The reasons I've been given were things like "you talk about your crushes too much", "we have very little in common", "you don't wear makeup", "you don't drink alcohol", "you like men twice your age", "you laugh/moan too much", "you're annoying", "you don't ask me enough questions about myself", and probably more that I can't think of right now.


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Summer_Twilight
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11 Jun 2020, 10:12 am

Joe90, the first two sound reasonable but the others sound more superficial. "You don't wear makeup" is a sign that they aren't for you, anyway.

I have talked about this before but I was friends with another woman who turned out to be a fake friend who stabbed me in the back multiple times and was not supportive during our friendship. When she cut it off, she was hot one minute and then very cold the next.

Anyway, she ghosted me, which claimed to be a pet peeve of her's when I had texted her two times and never heard back. So I had to pull teeth to ask her what was going on.

Her story was, "We have nothing in common and there is a big age difference between us." The other excuse she gave was, "Well, my husband doesn't approve of you but he likes this and that person" and "I have more in common in this person than I did with you." 8O