Talking to Liars

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Today, I'm upset about people who didn't keep appointments, but there are many variations that give me the same feeling. I can't believe what someone says after being caught lying, but somehow there will be more trouble if I don't wait and let them betray the trust. I feel like an accomplice for giving them the benefit of the doubt, or another chance. Do you have any tips on how to deal with dubious statements?

I have hard time keeping to appointments because I genuinely forget them... phone alarms help a bit but not completely.
Sometimes people lie that they would do something because they would find refusal rude. I insist "if you won't do it, tell me, it's okay, I need to know to plan." I heard the Japanese never openly refuse, you have to catch the subtle signals when their "yes, of course" means "no". It must be really hard to be autistic in Japan!

When a person (usually a business associate) lies to me or breaks a promise, my usual response is to semi-"ghost" them.  This means that I do not initiate contact, and keep my end of conversations with them as civil and formal as possible.  Of course, if circumstances were beyond their control, then "ghosting" doesn't take place; but if all they have to offer are excuses or false blame, then I'm not inclined to do business with them.  I'm very picky about friends' behaviors, as well.

People lie for all kinds of reasons and some of these situations are unfathomable to autists.

Once I realize someone has lied to me in a significant way, I just carry on...but internally they are marked. Some of my clients' families have caregivers who frequently lie. I just have to take everything they say with a grain of salt. I continue to be respectful and serve them to the best of my ability.

Sometimes I will say, "I'm a bit confused, at the last meeting you said X, and today you are saying Y." But really all I get back from that is another lie. Clients and families who do this egregiously are documented as "unreliable historians."

In the case of someone not keeping an appointment without letting me know, I consider that pretty seriously as getting these meetings done is critical to me getting paid.

In a social situation, once I find out someone is lying, I drop that person. I don't have many people left that I associate with, but I prefer to have fewer associates I can count on, than many tolerated in spite of their lying.

It's saddening ... the number of people who use "everyone lies" as an excuse, and that it is somehow my fault that they "had to" lie to me in order to "spare my feelings" as if they were doing a favor for me by lying.

Yes, it's true that everyone lies, and that the only question is what they will lie about (we can thank Dr. Gregory House for that observation), but I would rather deal with a huge, unpleasant truth than be betrayed by pleasant little lies.

Lying to a autistic person ,, seems endemic to me , must agree with fnord about Gregory house analogy ,
Regardless of it being a tv. Show. Have found it much better to Ghost the liar if at all possible .
But if I can recognize the purpose for the liar is not life threatening . Or meant directly to steal something physical.
Can allow for potential possibly future communication . But. With tremendous reservations . Can allow for future contacts but. Hate having to be on guard around this Person . Or most any persons .actually, SIGHES,
Have always found it to deal with the truth much less trouble in ones own future.

"Beware of attractive strangers bearing compliments." -- Me

Yeah, well said. I have very low tolerance for it and my personal life actually improved significantly for not putting up with it (apparent paradox). Along with people who ask you stupid questions, insist you tell them the truth and throw a hissy fit when you do

So you are psychic after all

It has taken a while but I just accept it now. It is what it is. I don't feel any need to point it out or correct them. That never helps. It helps to let clients talk. An information dump is not too much information when trying to help someone that lies. Rather, it can provide valuable clues as to what is truth and what is fiction.

I agree that everyone lies, but there are some who are just repeating what they heard, and others who seem unable to comprehend facts as well as the deliberate crooks. There is usually no way to distinguish between malice and stupidity, but they require very different responses. Today's news is about extremely dangerous nuclear waste being re-classified as "low level" on a technicality. I wish I could boycott all liars, but that would leave me with no telephone, since all the companies have lied to me.

A word of caution is not a prediction, although I have yet to meet an attractive stranger bearing compliments who wasn't trying to either sell something, butter me up for a handout or distract me for a hold-up.

Deliberate lying or stupidity, neither should be tolerated around toxic waste...

I know the pain. We had the same with our internet provider.
As a result, I extremely cautiously read any document before I sign it or I let my husband sign it. I demand it in a printed version and a day for reading it. This way, we e.g. dodged a bullet of golden credit card that would cost quite a lot and provide nothing we care for.

^^ I heard about someone who received an offer in the mail, with a classic "The large print giveth, and the small print taketh away" paragraph of terms and conditions. He scanned and re-printed it with his own small print, signed it and sent it in. The company responded, and was then stuck with his terms, not theirs.

Just fooling around, it's Pepe's influence (I was insinuating you anticipated my complimentary comment)

Cyclical messages transmitted by psychic means are mere representation of potential falisies on
possible misrepresentation of ulterior or alterior motives or concepts.Yet to be adequately presented.

Could i interest you in some swampland or a bridge ? ....