Does One Find Oneself Being Ignored In Group Conversations?

Page 1 of 2 [ 18 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2  Next

Mountain Goat
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 13 May 2019
Gender: Male
Posts: 10,313
Location: Wales,UK Relationship: Single Interests: Trains AgeGroup: 40's FavouriteColor: Green Music: CyndiLauper Pets: Cats and Ducks

26 Jun 2020, 5:35 am

I was thinking about this that even times on this site I can get this. I am not blaming anyone here as I don't mind... But I am far more likely to have this happen to me in real life conversations.
I can be raizing critical points to the conversation which have to be considered but the group will seem to operate as if I have never said it, and then will try not to give me opportunities to talk. It is why I tend to avoid official situations because it often feels to me like there has been a pre-concieved aenda which I was not aware about and then if I suggest it the group will go unusually out of their way to tell me there is not, which I find can be equally as odd! (To me, if there has already been an agenda agreed upon, then why did they waste my time and others time to arrange for a group discussion to determine events in the first place? Why not just go ahead and do whatever they had decided to do and save everyones time?)

I tend to get this also in ordinary conversations as well though in some sort of social setting. It bores me to be part of a conversation because I am ignored if I try to have an input and try to steer the conversation towards something more normal like railways... And all they would be talking about is someone they knows itchy foot! To me I am thinking "If you care so much go and visit the lady and scratch it for her!"
Uhmm. Why do we use speech marks for a thought? Uhmmm. Ah. We can use ' ' instead of " " for a thought? Or even '" "' ?
Now I am doing it now! Hahahaha!


_________________
Awaiting asessment. Neurodiverse 173/200. Neurotypical 21/200. Empathy 11/80. AQ 39.
Shutdown link: --》 Music I love: --》
Shutdown Experience similar to mine: --》


Temeraire
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 15 Oct 2017
Age: 50
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,370
Location: Wiltshire, U.K.

26 Jun 2020, 8:07 am

Group dynamics can feel perplexing when you are in the thick of it.

It can help to first observe what kind of people are in the group and what kind of role they are playing.

Some can be so dominant that you will never get a word in, whilst others will just listen and take it all in.

There will be patterns and characteristics that pertain to that particular group.

But groups can also be changeable like the weather. This is also something to be aware of especially when a storm is brewing.



Blint
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 2 Nov 2010
Age: 28
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,335
Location: London, UK

26 Jun 2020, 8:28 am

Yes, pretty much most of the times. Generally just find group settings unsettling after my mental breakdown, just find it a whole lot more difficult to be in a social setting.


_________________
Blint. :heart:


Fnord
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 May 2008
Age: 64
Gender: Male
Posts: 47,711
Location: Stendec

26 Jun 2020, 8:32 am

I've learned to hang back until directly addressed, at which point I present an encapsulated version of the entire conversation, and finish up with a simple statement of fact that sometimes renders the entire conversation moot.

Then everyone gets real quiet.


_________________
45OFFICE = TRE45ON
Lock Him Up!


Temeraire
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 15 Oct 2017
Age: 50
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,370
Location: Wiltshire, U.K.

26 Jun 2020, 8:36 am

Fnord wrote:
I've learned to hang back until directly addressed, at which point I present an encapsulated version of the entire conversation, and finish up with a simple statement of fact that sometimes renders the entire conversation moot.

Then everyone gets real quiet.


Silence can say many things :lol:



Fnord
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 May 2008
Age: 64
Gender: Male
Posts: 47,711
Location: Stendec

26 Jun 2020, 8:39 am

Temeraire wrote:
Fnord wrote:
I've learned to hang back until directly addressed, at which point I present an encapsulated version of the entire conversation, and finish up with a simple statement of fact that sometimes renders the entire conversation moot.  Then everyone gets real quiet.
Silence can say many things.
So can vague statements that are apropos of nothing.


_________________
45OFFICE = TRE45ON
Lock Him Up!


blazingstar
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 19 Nov 2017
Age: 67
Gender: Female
Posts: 4,602

26 Jun 2020, 9:05 am

It used to happen a lot to me. Now I just don't get involved in group discussions, unless I am the one leading it. In my work, I do have to lead meetings, and that was a new skill set, but it is easier than trying to get a word in edge-wise in a social group or in a large group setting. Even "webinars" where one can submit questions to the presenter or moderator; my questions are rarely addressed.

Back to the social settings, I found that I wasn't much interested in any of the topics of conversation. So it wasn't a big loss to give that up. :D


_________________
paralysis by over-analysis


Temeraire
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 15 Oct 2017
Age: 50
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,370
Location: Wiltshire, U.K.

26 Jun 2020, 9:06 am

Fnord wrote:
Temeraire wrote:
Fnord wrote:
I've learned to hang back until directly addressed, at which point I present an encapsulated version of the entire conversation, and finish up with a simple statement of fact that sometimes renders the entire conversation moot.  Then everyone gets real quiet.
Silence can say many things.
So can vague statements that are apropos of nothing.


Exactly.



dragonsanddemons
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 19 Mar 2011
Gender: Female
Posts: 5,838
Location: The Labyrinth of Leviathan

26 Jun 2020, 9:30 am

Just about every time there is one. I might get a little perfunctory attention at the beginning, but it’s not long before the interactions among all the others is flowing well and it’s like I don’t even exist. If I try to say something, the best I can hope for is for the rest of the group to stop talking, give me “I’m trying to be polite, but please shut up” looks, then when I’m done carry on as if I’d never said anything. It happens no matter how hard I try to be a part of the group or who is in the group, it’s like I have some special ability to just fade into the background, the problem is that I don’t know how not to use it.


_________________
Yet in my new wildness and freedom I almost welcome the bitterness of alienage. For although nepenthe has calmed me, I know always that I am an outsider; a stranger in this century and among those who are still men.
-H. P. Lovecraft, "The Outsider"

When you assume, it makes an a** out of u and me.

I’m triple A - aromantic, asexual, and agender.


firemonkey
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 23 Mar 2015
Gender: Male
Posts: 4,547
Location: Calne,England

26 Jun 2020, 9:31 am

Last group conversation ,aside from interacting with my stepfamily, was a mental health type group at my local library . I didn't say much , and when I did there was minimal response. I then went to pay towards the tea and coffee and was greeted with a sarcy remark by the group organiser about having my money on a piece of string .

I never went back . I later found out the group organiser, who'd described himself a 'radical social worker', was a virulent anti-Semite who'd been expelled from the Labour party.


_________________
Support mental health research
Please support mental health research
http://www.mentalhealthresearchuk.org.uk/
http://mcpin.org/
https://www.mqmentalhealth.org/


Your neurodiverse (Aspie) score: 133 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 47 of 200
You are very likely neurodiverse (Aspie)


greenmm37
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

User avatar

Joined: 3 Jun 2020
Age: 24
Gender: Female
Posts: 351

26 Jun 2020, 10:16 am

^ Firemonkey, I'm sorry you had that experience, although I'm glad the person who treated you that way was 'outed' for being the sort of person they were, so hopefully they won't be in charge of future functions.

In response to the thread, I find myself in that position sometimes, on the rare occasions that I enter into group conversations, but I always thought it was from a lack of confidence. I don't like to enter into conversations when the likelihood is at least one person will try to tell me that I'm 'wrong' even when the subject is something that doesn't necessarily have to have a 'right' and 'wrong' side. For some reason this happens to me frequently, and in the moment I typically find myself just apathetically accepting that I must be wrong if someone tells me I am so I don't feel like speaking up anymore (although when I reflect later, I'll realize that no, I don't think I was really wrong).

On the other hand, I also don't participate well in conversations because I either find the subject boring and will naturally (if not accidentally) derail the conversation in a way that I can relate to. I'm of the group that can't really 'empathize' with situations/people without personal examples, and I also feel the need to go into detail so brevity is not my strong suit. I get hurt when people turn away to do other things when I'm in the midst of talking, which seems to happen to me quite a bit, so it's disheartening, but overall, I just kind of let it happen when it happens...that's all that haha. For all of these reasons, I would say I'm 'ignored' in conversations, but I also acknowledge that at the heart of the issue, I'm just not one for group conversations.

I also don't have patience for interruptions, and when people are shouting over each other, it makes me *very* anxious (and I'm not one to shout over others, at least not at this point in my life) so overall, just unpleasant situation all around when it comes to group convos.



Fnord
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 May 2008
Age: 64
Gender: Male
Posts: 47,711
Location: Stendec

26 Jun 2020, 10:35 am

A Short Story

I had gone to a seminar on Christian Missions Overseas, and it seemed most of the other participants were taking a more liberal approach to the Bible than even most televangelists.  Each one seemed more concerned with pushing his or her particular belief system than with sharing Bible-based knowledge, and many of their stated beliefs had no Biblical basis at all.

So I had my electronic NIV up on my ThinkPad, and after correcting several people on Christian doctrine, one of the more liberal types (whom I had corrected multiple times) began insisting that an electronic Bible was blasphemous, and that everything I had said so far should be ignored.  A small uproar began when the professor pointed out that everything I had quoted had been accurate -- literally the "Gospel Truth".  More objections were raised.

The professor called for an immediate recess and, after everyone else was gone, he "suggested" that I use a dead-tree version instead.

So I pulled out my copy of the Jefferson Bible -- a version that Thomas Jefferson had put together while leaving out all the miracles and other supernatural events.  The other students were satisfied until I started quoting from it.

"Where's the Feeding of the Five Thousand?", they said. "Where's the raising of Lazarus from the dead?"

When I explained that my dead-tree Bible was more scientifically accurate than my electronic version, another small uproar ensued, and class was dismissed for the day.

The following morning, we were greeted by an administrator, who told us that every version of the Bible was welcome and could be used at any time during the entire seminar.  By lunchtime, three student had gone home.

Nobody except the professor talked to me for the rest of the week.


:D Not that I minded, of course...


_________________
45OFFICE = TRE45ON
Lock Him Up!


green0star
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 5 Apr 2016
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,412
Location: blah

26 Jun 2020, 11:23 am

I find that you gotta pick your way in when it comes to a conversation. If you don't say anything or don't talk loud enough you just get drowned out in the crowd xD



dragonsanddemons
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 19 Mar 2011
Gender: Female
Posts: 5,838
Location: The Labyrinth of Leviathan

26 Jun 2020, 11:44 am

green0star wrote:
I find that you gotta pick your way in when it comes to a conversation. If you don't say anything or don't talk loud enough you just get drowned out in the crowd xD


Yep, and I naturally have a softer voice than most people, which is probably part of the reason I’m usually ignored, because people realize that they can talk over me and I can’t do a thing about it.


_________________
Yet in my new wildness and freedom I almost welcome the bitterness of alienage. For although nepenthe has calmed me, I know always that I am an outsider; a stranger in this century and among those who are still men.
-H. P. Lovecraft, "The Outsider"

When you assume, it makes an a** out of u and me.

I’m triple A - aromantic, asexual, and agender.


strings
Sea Gull
Sea Gull

Joined: 27 Jun 2016
Gender: Male
Posts: 236
Location: Texas

26 Jun 2020, 2:38 pm

I have never been able to figure out the dynamics of group conversations. I don't tend to speak very much in a typical group conversation, because I often don't feel I have much that is worthwhile to contribute. I notice that having nothing of value to contribute doesn't deter some people from talking a lot anyway, though! But even when I do feel I have a worthwhile contribution, I find it difficult to break into the conversation. And even more of a problem is that people typically won't let me finish my small contribution before they start talking over me.

One thing that puzzles me is that at the other end of the scale there are people who seem to have the power to "command an audience," and they always get to say everything they want without being interrupted. They can even pause in the middle of a sentence to take a drink, and still everybody quietly waits for them to resume what they wanted to say. And yet the same audience won't let me say more than a few words before someone jumps in and talks over me while I'm in still in mid sentence.

I wish there were some study course one could take on "the art of not being interrupted"!



HeroOfHyrule
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 May 2020
Age: 19
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,697
Location: Pacific Northwest

26 Jun 2020, 3:34 pm

People talk over and ignore things I say in both group and one-on-one conversations, but it's definitely worse in groups. I'm at a point where I just halfass my own responses since no one's going to listen to them anyways.


_________________
I like playing video games, watching cartoons and anime, reading, and cooking.

I also have two cats and a rabbit, and enjoy learning + cataloguing information about different types of animals and plants.