What social interaction would make you happiest?

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Read below and check what makes you feel happiest
1. Book 50%  50%  [ 9 ]
2. Gift 11%  11%  [ 2 ]
3. Activity 28%  28%  [ 5 ]
4. Leadership 11%  11%  [ 2 ]
Total votes : 18

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Snowy Owl
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03 Jul 2020, 5:03 pm

Here are 4 scenarios. Imagine they are with people you are comfortable with. Try to visualize it and search for something similar that you have experienced. Which one makes you feel most loved or happy?

1. You read a book that you truly enjoy. You recommend it to someone who reads it then tells you their favorite part and it is the same as yours.

2. You are walking home with someone and they are threatened by someone meaning to hurt them. You step in and protect them and the threat is dispatched. That night they give you a special gift that is very meaningful in thanks.


3. A group of people that you like but are quite different from you invites you to spend a weekend with them doing something you enjoy. They ignore your differences and focus on how you are like them.

4. You are at work and the boss comes to you and says "Your co-workers really look up to you so I want to put you in a place of leadership" (even with no raise)



Edna3362
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03 Jul 2020, 6:17 pm

I've been in all 4 scenarios. One thing is certain:

All of the above as long as my thoughts and intent matches my words and actions, than accidental or wondering how or why the heck just happened and why did I deserve (good AND bad) it.
That I'm truly in control, able to process everything and everything is clear.

If I'm just confused, overwhelmed and all over the place, I'd be too busy wrestling myself from the inside and see no reason to appreciate anything much.


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starkid
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03 Jul 2020, 6:37 pm

Whoops, I voted book before I read the OP.

It's hard to answer this, but number 4 is definitely not my answer.

I find number 1 difficult to imagine, and I think I would repress my emotional response for fear that the other person and I don't actually view the book the same way (which would lead to social disappointment, which I take a long time to recover from).

Number 3 seems like it would probably be my answer, but having multiple people I feel comfortable with, and being with all of them at once is also difficult to imagine. And hanging out with that many people at once would be overstimulating.



HeroOfHyrule
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04 Jul 2020, 3:33 pm

#3. Whenever people would invite me to do things with them in school and treated me normally it made me ecstatic, as that didn't happen often.



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Snowy Owl
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08 Jul 2020, 10:04 am

This is the initial inventory in figuring out what cognitive types people are.

Question = drive = social pleasure = grey to white matter ratio = neurotransmitter difference from acceptance = eusocial type

Book = understanding driven = feel loved when people understand you care = +grey matter = - dopamine = drone
Gift = trust driven = Feel happiest when you are a trusted protector = +white matter = - serotonin = soldier
Activity = acceptance driven = feel loved when a group accepts you = balance = balance = worker
Leadership = respect driven = feel happiest when people look up to you = balance = - nor-epinephrine ~ queen


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I may use terms that are part of my theory of "Functional Cognitive Typology". Diagnosis is always a mixed bag but generally they map to the cognitive type when in dysfunction:
C = Cultural (NT), EC = Extra-Cultural (ASD)
U = understanding ~ ADD/ADHD
A = acceptance ~ baseline, normal
T = trust ~ possible schizotypal disorder
R = respect ~ NPD
C = cerebral (adrenaline averse), S = somatic (adrenaline seeking)

I am ECUC/S (cusp cerebral/somatic)


Lely
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09 Jul 2020, 6:42 am

none of those makes me feel loved. How is
- discussing a book
- being a leader
- spending time with people who see me in a wrong light (as being like them) or even a false sense of belonging
- someone feeling like they owe me something
related to love? none of those would generate happiness in me either



Skilpadde
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09 Jul 2020, 8:37 am

Well, I certainly have no interest in facing harm, so not the second option.
i have no interest in being a leader, so not the fourth option either.
I can't say that I wish to be with a group of people different to me for a weekend of 'watch weirdo play' either (can yuo say on display?). Noooo thank you. Also prefer fewer people anyway as well

I have recommended books and movies for my mother and she has liked them, and I do enjoy raving about something I like, whether it's a game, book, series, movie, or animal, and it's enjoyable to have someone sincerely rave along about the same thing. So the book option would be my best choice.


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Snowy Owl
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09 Jul 2020, 2:41 pm

Lely wrote:
none of those makes me feel loved. How is
- discussing a book
- being a leader
- spending time with people who see me in a wrong light (as being like them) or even a false sense of belonging
- someone feeling like they owe me something
related to love? none of those would generate happiness in me either


You might be overthinking it a bit... these are ideal situations.

The book is about someone understanding the same thing as you
A leader is people looking up to you
Group... well I can tell that you are not acceptance driven
Gift is a sincere sign of appreciation. Not a sense of owing

How about this... which is most acceptable to you?



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Snowy Owl
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09 Jul 2020, 2:44 pm

Skilpadde wrote:
Well, I certainly have no interest in facing harm, so not the second option.
i have no interest in being a leader, so not the fourth option either.
I can't say that I wish to be with a group of people different to me for a weekend of 'watch weirdo play' either (can yuo say on display?). Noooo thank you. Also prefer fewer people anyway as well

I have recommended books and movies for my mother and she has liked them, and I do enjoy raving about something I like, whether it's a game, book, series, movie, or animal, and it's enjoyable to have someone sincerely rave along about the same thing. So the book option would be my best choice.


What if the people were fellow aspies that do not think you are strange?

Regardless, it is clear that you choose understanding driven.



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09 Jul 2020, 11:56 pm

Chain wrote:
Book = understanding driven = feel loved when people understand you care = +grey matter = - dopamine = drone
Gift = trust driven = Feel happiest when you are a trusted protector = +white matter = - serotonin = soldier
Activity = acceptance driven = feel loved when a group accepts you = balance = balance = worker
Leadership = respect driven = feel happiest when people look up to you = balance = - nor-epinephrine ~ queen

This schema is based on unjustified assumptions about why we chose our answers. There are multiple possible reasons for choosing each of these answers.

And I don't see any relationship between choosing the gift scenario and preferring to be a "trusted protector."



Lely
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10 Jul 2020, 2:03 am

Chain wrote:
Gift is a sincere sign of appreciation. Not a sense of owing

hmm ok. Because you wrote the gift is received after having displayed a certain heroic behaviour toward someone in a weaker position, it made it seem like the gift was given by the rescued person because of a sense of owing something (perhaps their life) to their saviour.
I wouldn't mind if someone never gave me any gift, and some gifts are unwanted. So, i.m.o. a person can't go wrong with not giving me a gift and showing their appreciation in other ways instead. I know some people just like giving gifts to show their appreciation so I understand why they might be giving something and I can appreciate the gesture (unless when gifts were sent to my home on a weekly basis by a stalker). But I don't require someone to show me that gesture to feel appreciated. They might be doing me more of a favour by not giving me a gift or something useless. I don't like clutter. They are showing me they respect my space by not giving something when I don't need it and have no use for it. If I throw a gift away it might anger them or hurt their feelings. I have to keep the item, which is a bit like blackmail.

Quote:
How about this... which is most acceptable to you?

I guess talking about a book. But I would also like to just exchange information about something interesting, whether we've both read that same book or not.



Wolfram87
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10 Jul 2020, 2:04 am

Of the given options, I think #2.


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Snowy Owl
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11 Jul 2020, 6:34 pm

starkid wrote:
Chain wrote:
Book = understanding driven = feel loved when people understand you care = +grey matter = - dopamine = drone
Gift = trust driven = Feel happiest when you are a trusted protector = +white matter = - serotonin = soldier
Activity = acceptance driven = feel loved when a group accepts you = balance = balance = worker
Leadership = respect driven = feel happiest when people look up to you = balance = - nor-epinephrine ~ queen

This schema is based on unjustified assumptions about why we chose our answers. There are multiple possible reasons for choosing each of these answers.

And I don't see any relationship between choosing the gift scenario and preferring to be a "trusted protector."


There are many possible reasons but I gave one.... which one makes you happiest :)

Usually I give this inventory verbally. It is fairly unscientific but it opens up a conversation. The gift scenario is for highly abstract minds with lots of hierarchical memory. It tends to be iconic memory. It is the memory of a soldier and is very fast. This drive is very difficult to nail down in words but the soldier in the human tribe is built to protect the most important resource of the tribe, the children. They need trust to do this.

Having abstract iconic memory, they prefer things that are physical to help with memory. They also tend to have lots of pictures. My brother is one. He is extremely protective of me, loves martial arts and knives. Extremely thoughtful gifts are given by him... and I give him back the same.

Humans have a very similar survival strategy to most ants, bees, termites. We all build "artificial" structures. We "farm". We all live in collectives or "societies". We all have abstract communication (bees with movement, ants with chemicals, humans with sound and movement, termites with chemicals).

They have types (Usually these 4 main types: Queen, Soldier, Drone, Worker) even though the genetic make-up is the same. It is very easy to then ask... where are the human types?

https://www.britannica.com/animal/social-insect

It is important to note the one main difference as well: This division in humans is not a (main) part of our reproductive strategy (there is something there but not the same). I call our strategy "pre-eusocial".

The DSM confusion over disorders is were we can actually see these types. NPD (difference in the nor-epinephrine pathway), Schizotypal (too much iconic memory: prefrontal white matter), ADHD (extra contextual memory: Temporal grey matter), Baseline (or what the DSM considers ordered (a range of balance between these two types of memory))

Our types are built in our brains. (there are also other physical attributes as well, but I won't get into that)

The"soldier", "guardian" or trust driven type is one of these types.



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11 Jul 2020, 7:49 pm

I would enjoy just saving the person from harm; the “gift” really would probably be anticlimactic.

I would enjoy a book the most. I wouldn’t want to be a “drone,” though.



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12 Jul 2020, 1:37 am

Chain wrote:
This is the initial inventory in figuring out what cognitive types people are.

Question = drive = social pleasure = grey to white matter ratio = neurotransmitter difference from acceptance = eusocial type

Book = understanding driven = feel loved when people understand you care = +grey matter = - dopamine = drone
Gift = trust driven = Feel happiest when you are a trusted protector = +white matter = - serotonin = soldier
Activity = acceptance driven = feel loved when a group accepts you = balance = balance = worker
Leadership = respect driven = feel happiest when people look up to you = balance = - nor-epinephrine ~ queen

None of those are remotely accurate. I just don't want to be in a position of leadership because i don't have the social skills. Can't imagine myself in any of these situations except the first one. 2. Unless it was verbal i'd be of no help in this situation. 3. I realise that by being who i am I will never be accept by groups and that's on the internet. IRL i've never had this happen to me. Unless u include like playing sports on the playground.


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