I’m Depressed

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I’m depressed. I got up at 12:30 pm, I woke u p depressed, I got out of bed, went to the living room, few minutes later, I wanted to go back to bed. I decided to stay up, listen to music to help me, I’m listening to my fave singer Bryan Adams, he can work magic on me, I’m little better. I’m mentally & physically sooo tired, I have toooo many pains, my shoulder, upper arm, hand, fingers, knee, back, all have pain cuz of arthritis. My bones in my leg have pain cuz it didn’t healed right after I broke my ankle two years ago, my ankle healed, but my bones didn’t healed. I also have feet pain, my feet can be very numb too, I don’t know why, it can hurt to walk too. With having all my body pain, I have bladder problems & colitis too And with things happening now with the virus, I’m tired of things being out of stock or delayed, & with people dying. I get more depressed than I did back than in 2000s. When I get groceries, I just put them away in the refrigerator & freezer without cleaning, I put stuff on paper towels, so I would know, I clean my frozen meals later. Writing here really helped, I used to have a diary, listening to Bryan really helped too, I was in VERY BAD SHAPE, I was sooo emotional too, I was crying too. But everything can be more hard without coffee

*Sends Kitty 4670 a virtual ice cream to cheer her up*.

{{{{{ Kitty }}}}} If only Bryan was knocking at your door delivering you some coffee this very moment, along with a “Bryan mug” !


Bryan’s a favourite of mine too. I have his Summer of ‘69 cassette from waaay back, probably before cds were even invented! His music is good therapy!
Sorry to hear you’re struggling right now. Does a nice warm bath/hot shower help to relieve your pains, and maybe some Voltarol? Sounds like you could do with some TLC right now and if you can give yourself goals, maybe something to look forward to? Pain just makes everything harder and it takes alot out of you, including your spirit. Maybe you could order some of your favourite coffee online if you can’t get out? I keep wishing I lived closer so I could help you out. I have adopted my elderly neighbours and do their shopping for them, but it would be lovely to be there for you, if only I could. Let me know if I can do anything to help from afar. I know how pain can get you down, and when your body seems to be working against you. Thinking of you & hoping you feel loads better soon. xx

I’m glad Bryan helps you feel better.

Wow you like Bryan too. You are so nice wanting to help me Nice cups.

Coffee makes me more emotional, and I avoid it when I am feeling down.
It accentuates all my emotions.
That is why I have changed to caffeine-free.

I cannot have coffee cuz of colitis Caffeine really bad, colitis can be Soooooo Painful in my abdominal, I had to go to the ER twice

You poor thing!
I cannot imagine your misery!
You truly have me counting my blessings; I couldn’t cope with all you are going through.
I think that your exhaustion is from constantly fighting against all of your symptoms, and trying to fight the depression that is naturally accompanying all your serious medical problems.
I wish that there was a new miracle pill for the pain you are having; God Bess!

Hugs Kitty

Are you feeling any better?

I’m not depressed anymore. Life can be overwhelming alot now, it can be toooo much to handle.

Good news Kitty! I am so happy to hear that you feel better.
I have the most wonderful therapist, he reduced my payment by 75% without me even asking because I have so little work due to Corona.

He says: "Even when everything looks dark and cloudy, remember the sun is always there, behind the clouds, and it will always come out and shine again."

I have gone through some bad depressions;
Tried therapy, wound up ‘remembering ‘ things I had ‘forgotten ‘.
Hated, HATED remembering, which was like re-experiencing.
Did not go back.
Perhaps I should have; still have anger and resentment.
I am glad you are feeling better, though with this Coronavirus mess, it cannot be easy to stay optimistic.

Therapy is a painful process and it does work but no guarantee..

for how long does the result last?

or does shifting the sediment only loosen it and cause more of a collapse ultimately-- from which you have to dig yourself out ?

Then how far along does the rebuilding part begin?

You read of PTSD survivors or people with DID and blogs and articles and vlogs by them n therapy.. Taking years.. But most of them say it was 'worth it' meaning progress and insights are gained. Ostensibly help in functioning.

But ppl with DID also write that they have experienced MORE alters forming during therapy
(I mean during the period they have therapy not during the session itself)

because as they recollect --

maybe it fractures (correct word? Splits?) --

from exploring those things (many of which had been forgotten n suppressed) and re-living.

It's unbelievable how extreme cruelty during early life by someone else leaves the person left to not only pick up the pieces but also risk cutting themselves from the shards...
while the person or people who caused the traumas are free to go fracture another person's psyche

But all of that to say

therapy though painful must be powerful and helpful..

if even people in such situations continue to go through all that --reliving and risk of further complexities to unravel (1 leads to another in a pandora's box way).


But then you also read of people who had bad therapists or have one yourself..

So then it is understood it can be a 'minefield' in more ways than one..



A journey not a destination etc.