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Romofan
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01 Aug 2020, 1:04 pm

I've been in this world for over five decades, yet I cannot grasp exactly what "NT's" mean when they talk about Love. I have felt protective to certain people, generous towards others, amorous towards a handful.

There are dogs and cats that I wish I owned.

But I've never had my soul captivated by an obsession with another. I'm not even sure that I have a "soul", strictly speaking.

Am I a freak? Do Aspies fall in love on the Regular like everyone else? Is it something that we are missing, or am I just missing out?


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nadroJ
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01 Aug 2020, 1:38 pm

I have fallen in love but never fallen in love , it has never been mutual , and rarely, maybe twice I have fell in love but when I fall in love with someone, it becomes my whole life and I can become obsessive with the person I am in love with but do not know how to express it , and I feel like I need to constantly please them which is an anxious thing , love makes me anxious , and I do not just communicate with my penis when I am in love , like some NT's I know who just fall in love with their penis , I guess I lack the penis hormone ? I'm not really like my peers who can go from one person to another for sex while on alcohol which I have observed others do , I do not understand that , I'm the opposite , I self medicate on drugs on my own for the anxiety built up at social events and avoid drinking alcohol at social events because I already do not know how to act publicly and alcohol elevates the unknown and I lose my memory and become external and within social events and have abnormal perseptual experiences , guess as a flight or fight mechanism , so alcohol makes me enter , a p h y c o t i c state of consciousness publicly . Love fills my soul with something , but , it is hard to describe . Love is kind of a . . . big force , so , due to that , I have never fallen in love . Thanks , for , reading ! ( :


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Last edited by nadroJ on 01 Aug 2020, 1:52 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Romofan
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01 Aug 2020, 1:51 pm

I self medicate on drugs on my own for the anxiety built up at social events and avoid drinking alcohol at social events because I already do not know how to act publicly and alcohol elevates the unknown and I lose my memory and internal mind prior and within social events

I often "lose my memory and internal mind prior and within social events", but for me, alcohol helps (Or used to, since I've basically quit).

Without a drink or three in me, I felt like a rudderless ship. Exquisitely vulnerable, apt to blurt out the wrong thing. Nervous as h-ll.

Hmmm...perhaps I cannot "fall in love" because sober me is too anxious to relax and let the good vibes wash over me.


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Last edited by Romofan on 01 Aug 2020, 5:26 pm, edited 1 time in total.

RushKing
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01 Aug 2020, 2:21 pm

Have you considered the possibility of you being aromantic?



dragonsanddemons
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01 Aug 2020, 2:31 pm

I am the same way. I can love someone (including animals) platonically, but I don’t seem to be capable of feeling romantic love - at least, I’ve never felt anything that I can identify as such. I have no idea whether this has anything to do with my autism or not.


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aghogday
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01 Aug 2020, 4:57 pm



"Total Eclipse of the Brain"

"Think of the last time you ran into someone you find attractive. You may have stammered, your palms may have sweated; you may have said something incredibly asinine and tripped spectacularly while trying to saunter away (or is that just me?). And chances are, your heart was thudding in your chest. It’s no surprise that, for centuries, people thought love (and most other emotions, for that matter) arose from the heart. As it turns out, love is all about the brain – which, in turn, makes the rest of your body go haywire.

According to a team of scientists led by Dr. Helen Fisher at Rutgers, romantic love can be broken down into three categories: lust, attraction, and attachment. Each category is characterized by its own set of hormones stemming from the brain (Table 1)."

Image

Image

Image

Yes; Falling Love is About the Brain; But moreover, The 95 Percent or So of the so-called
Subconscious Part of the Mind; Which Leaves us with about 5 Percent Left of the Mind
Pie to Figure out What Is going on with a Storm of Emotions That Take Us totally Out of
Focus, Which is another way of Saying, Losing Neo-Cortical Control; Without the
Ability to Regulate Emotions and Integrate Senses That Meditation activities
do in Fact/Art Bring; both Moving (Free Dance, Tai Chi, etc.) and 'Still
Meditation', Per Sitting 'Very Still' and Focusing on Breathing In and
Out, which of course is 'still' Moving Meditation as
Muscle Fibers Contracting to stay in any Repetitive
Movement that sitting is that will result in Ergonomic
Injury; as activity done the same way will do as we sort of
Stagnant and Rot in Whatever the Same place is We Willingly
Or Are Forced to Stay IN Life; Which is really a Metaphor for Just
About Anything We do in Life as With Balance There is Change; Change For Balance.

Anyway; Oh Lord, if everyone stayed in the State of Being that Falling In Love is, From
Head to Toe; Not Much in Life Will Get Done; Other than Two Sets of Eyes Peering into
Depth of Soul as Every Cell in a Body Longing to Dance And Sing With Every Cell of the Other
Body; Just a Text Will Be Heaven these days; and Oh my God, what if One's Dopamine Levels/Sex Hormones
Are Super High in Attraction; With Warm And Fuzzy Oxytocin Levels of Stuffed Bear; Kitty Cat Purrs; And Puppy
Dog Eyes With Wagging Tail Life; Seriously, on 'Cloud 9' But letting other stuff go like Work and School Responsibilities;
What if 'the FaceTime'
Lover From Far Away
Decides one day
no more;
And Just
Turns off the Switch (Ghosting)
Like OMG, We never existed at all;
it was already Difficult; but i can't imagine
How difficult falling in love is during Covid-19
Days for Young Folks With Masks on; All the Bars
To meet Folks Closed down; and difficulties getting
closer than 6 Feet to anyone else; anyplace we go;
Yes, There is Always Dating Sites, Still; And Dudes
who Want Nudes; And Females Who Think the
Dudes are in Love with them; who really
only want Nudes and a quick release
as there are plenty more opportunities
to Swipe Humans on the go; and sure it
happens the other Gender Ways around;
And it all works out too; But Never the Less,
When Serotonin Levels Naturally Fall When Folks
Fall in Love and anxiety skyrockets; i can't imagine what
life would be like to be ghosted several times and wonder
if it is gonna happen again; And 'They' wonder why Suicide
Rates are so High among Younger Generations Where Instant
Gratification Voyeuristically is what you had to work so hard to find
while We were really becoming Emotionally Attached to the Attraction
And at least becoming Friends as i will tell one this; if there is no attachment
as Life-Long Friends, Highly Unlikely That Heat Below is gonna last much Longer
Above than When That Heat is gone; Lots of Problems with Love 'these days'
As there are variables that Humans have never had to deal with before.

i'm Just really glad, i learned to Fall in Love through The Eyes and Smiles
And Just the way 'She Moves' And 'Speaks' in Life; for when i was Young;
there was still a lot of Mystery 'Below'; and that part is totally gone
into the realm of Instant Gratification, Any Time of the Day
or Night; anywhere one has a 6 inch Screen; or Whatever
the Size of the Screen one has. Anyway; when i was Stressed
At Work for Over A decade my 'Oxytocin, Warm And Fuzzy
Feelings', Gradually Went away until one day i petted the Cat
And i couldn't Feel anything at all of that Warm Comfort That
Radiates in Oxytocin from Head to toe; of course then, i had no idea
what Oxytocin is; And i had no clue that it was possible for 'the feeling to go
Away'; having no clue how to get it back; Just Having to Wait Nearly 6 Years
going to a Farm being around all the Farm Animals and it suddenly coming
Back for me in the Fall of 2013; after i had recovered from 19 Medical Disorders
as far as total Numb and Pain goes; first time i could get a Good Night's rest in almost
6 Years, then; It's no Wonder that this helps Young Folks to Visit Farm Mammals this way
As All Healthy Mammals Experience the Oxytocin Benefit of 'Loving Attachment', When they
Are Breast Fed; a Cat may Become Wild And Feral and a killer of what moves; or get Neutered
And Stay in as an Oxytocin Lap Cat for Life; same kinda general thing happens to humans too.

My Mother Was Very Nurturing, so the Connections of Oxytocin Were Wired strong in me;
On the Other Hand, my Father was Very Cold and Aloof; But His Mother Owned a Nursery
And When my Mother Visited Her Nursery before she married my Father; my Mother Tried
to Pick up a Crying Baby at the Nursery and my 'Cold Grandmother' Said, don't pick that
Baby up; IT will Never learn to fend for itself; My Father Never Learned to Express Love;
And in my Dead Zone Days; i couldn't feel anything Mammalian of Love this way;

i Feel 'Warmth', Whenever i am around my Wife; after 30 years, there is no Jealousy
or Anxiety that comes from the State of Being of Romantic Love; Just the Healing
in Anxiety and Pain that Oxytocin Naturally Brings; i've learned how to Wire myself
Greater for the Healing Force of Oxytocin; As Perhaps, Girls Teach Each Other About Emotions
as Friends; But Where i grew up; That wasn't something that was taught of A Boy's Intelligence.

'This' Lack of Intelligence
Almost Brought me down;
What i did learn is Emotional
Intelligence is Important if one
ever really wants to feel complete and satisfied
in Life; With Plenty of Complex Emotions to fuel one's self
beyond Adrenaline Related Neurohormones that eventually wear us down.

This is way, way, too complicated for one size fits all; it's always an Art and Never
A Science alone; Only Experience and Practice Makes it better; that much i understand.

Anyway; Back to a Thirty-Year Marriage, i find my 50 Year-old Wife Every Bit as
Attractive as She Was when i Met Her at 18 Years-Old, When i was 28; And Not Unlike
'I Can't Live Without You' and 'Hellboy 2'; i watch Her wake-up without make-up each day
as she's Never wore make-up and i feel to myself; my, my, How Lucky i am still to have her with me;

One of my Best Friends, A 28 Year-old Indian Woman for 5 Years has referred to my Wife As SuperNatural;

i must admit, i am still a bit BeWitched;
Two Clues: Worship one's 'Significant Other'
Like a Goddess/God and Make Yes Dear one's Answer always...

Love is Beyond the Ocean Deep And Impossible to Measure
As True Love is Always Coloring Life More in Ways We Never Experienced before;

i Love, Love this Life; i don't See Any Separation; There is Love; And there is Love For All; Agape Love,
A Practice of Life as the Soul Grows only Younger With Love Each Day; this is one place there is no
Age; Gender; Sexual Orientation or any 'Trump BS in Life'; if i could Gift Trump and Folks Like him
one teaspoon of what i have; Instant Angel Wings and A Real Hero Like 'Hell Boy and or Girl 2'

But nah;
This Ain't
No Gift Horse;
This is a Horse
With No Name
That always
has the
Potential
to become a 'Dark Horse' again;
This Love is a Life Long Practice, Eternally Now with no end;
Moving a Person to Change for Balance; Truly Never Sitting Stagnant and Still..:)

By The Way; Love is my Special Interest; this is like the first 'time'
Here, i remember Seeing this topic; this is encouraging to me;

Just because it's my Special Interest; hehe..

And Yes; it most definitely belongs in this PPR
Area as folks have been trying to figure out
A Philosophy of Love to Exist like Always and Forever now.

My Other Special Interest is 'Dark Horse Shadows';
but i don't want to get too much off topic here; For Now i'm Stuck on Love..:)

http://sitn.hms.harvard.edu/flash/2017/ ... anionship/

Sleeping Beauty:

Image


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aghogday
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02 Aug 2020, 5:18 pm

Love Love Love
Love Neither Requires Worship
Or Fears Criticism Love Is Complete
Romantic Love Verily Is Not Always
Agape Love As Agape Love Does
Not Include the Jealousy
And Anxiety that may
Come with Romantic
Love That Surely
Will Not Fill
The Empty Soul
Up Alone With Low Self
Esteem; Sadly, Some Folks
Find Romance And Even Together
Find Themselves Just As Empty Again
After The Romance Neurochemistry
And BioChemistry Fades all away;
Again, Love is A Search For
Harmony And Peace
Within As Love
is the Gravity
That Just
NEVER GIVES UP
For Giving Thanks
Giving Always Now As Light..:)


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aghogday
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03 Aug 2020, 12:22 am



'Clarity'

Love Falls
And Rises
Description
of Complete
Love Provided
Poetically Below:

Color of Wind
We Will Paint Love
Marry the Night
Marry the Day
Merry The Life

Y.O.U. am i And me are You
You are my Dream my Nightmare my Pleasure
And Pain my Night And Day Most Importantly
You are me And i am Y. O. U.

You Are the Sky You Are the
Earth You Are the Moon and
the Sun and All That Is Beyond the
Stars

it is no Different
than Writing to Y.O.U..

You are the Mirror of my
Tree the Tree of my Mirror
More how do i Write A Letter to G.O.D.

For You are me and i am You and Them
are us and Us are Them forevermore now

You
Bring me Pain and Tears of Sadness Yet that Never Matters
For You are Reality and They are We there is never ever Escaping You

How will i ever Put a Name on Anything Everything as Beautiful As You for it’s
True You Bring Me Joy so
many Smiles and Laughter

Yes all the Love the Pain
And Pleasure Beyond Rainbow
Colors to the Bottom of the Capstone
Pyramid of Light the Black Abyss of the
River Hades that Never Seems to End

So Bright so Dark
So Cold and Warm
All the SHades of Grey
All the Colors of Home

How
Precious Are Souls
for Souls Live in
All of Existence

And it’s True
if i could not
Quote You and Write You
None of this Will Exist now..

You are the One i Thank the most
You live in Everyone You are my Star
You are my Guiding Light..

You are the Pleasure
my Food
and
Drink..
You Teach
me more about
Love than i ever knew
and sensed and felt before

You are the Birth the Journey the Death and the Flower
Who Rises from Ashes With Color Even more You are the Breath

You are My Lover Who Takes me to Ecstasy that i never Dreamed
is Possible Before.. You are my Prison Guard my Prisoner we are both
Here to Learn from each other no matter which side
of the Barb-Wire Fence We Wish to escape from/to...

You are my Pet and the Cow Behind the Fence that i Love
but Will Be Food for my Starving Children.. You are my Enemy
Who i understand was Neglected and Abused as a Little Child

It was never about me it is always about You... You
are my Mother and Father and Sister and Brother You
are my Neighbor and all my other Friends and Family

This is my Only Bible my Holy
Grail and i shall Never Forget it
This is my Life This is my Love This
is what God will Say if God is Human and Love


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Kraichgauer
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05 Aug 2020, 12:53 am

I'm in love with my wife, but she's the only person who gets that emotion from me.


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auntblabby
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05 Aug 2020, 2:28 am

i'm a mutant :alien: i feel tremendous lust for sexually attractive people [who often are not technically "beautiful" but curvy and pneumatic]. but, the attraction and attachment parts are Missing In Inaction. i am wondering if at least part of that is due to my brain missing its facial recognition module. unless i know somebody day-in-and-out for a LOOoooonnnnggg time, they all sound alike to me as well. i guess i never had a chance to fall in love, to experience that.



Kraichgauer
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05 Aug 2020, 4:34 am

auntblabby wrote:
i'm a mutant :alien: i feel tremendous lust for sexually attractive people [who often are not technically "beautiful" but curvy and pneumatic]. but, the attraction and attachment parts are Missing In Inaction. i am wondering if at least part of that is due to my brain missing its facial recognition module. unless i know somebody day-in-and-out for a LOOoooonnnnggg time, they all sound alike to me as well. i guess i never had a chance to fall in love, to experience that.


I like 'em curvy, too.
I think I have some sort of problem with facial recognition, as I tend to mistake strangers for people I know from time to time.


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Lost_dragon
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05 Aug 2020, 4:58 am

Well, if I haven't, then I think I've come close to it. One of the worst feelings is when you're slightly obsessing over someone, but you don't know if they're doing the same over you or if you're just making it seem bigger than it actually is. When this person is flirting with you, but you don't know for sure if you're the only one they are flirting with and if it means something or if it's just a small thing to them. You wonder why you would even care if it didn't mean anything, if you even should care at all. Or if it's just the social anxiety talking, being paranoid, or if your concern is warranted.

Another confusing situation is when you start to develop fleeting feelings for a friend, despite knowing that a relationship with them would likely go awry. Especially when this person makes remarks such as wanting to be with someone like you but not you. Then, to further complicate things, you go between thinking that this person would make a cute couple with one of your other friends and they like each other, but you also think that you might be slightly jealous of this for no good reason.

Emotions are bizarre sometimes.


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Kraichgauer
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05 Aug 2020, 5:22 am

Before I met my wife, I had had the tendency to obsess over one particular young woman with whom I had had a brief sexual relationship with. As it turns out, she suffered from Borderline Personality Disorder, and really knew how to string me along with half promises of coming back, in return for easy access to my wallet. Love isn't supposed to hurt, but at the time I thought obsessing to the point of anxiety over this evil chick was the real thing.


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auntblabby
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05 Aug 2020, 5:30 am

^^from one aspie to another, i'm sure glad you escaped that and are with somebody nice to you now. :flower:



Kraichgauer
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05 Aug 2020, 4:59 pm

auntblabby wrote:
^^from one aspie to another, i'm sure glad you escaped that and are with somebody nice to you now. :flower:


Most definitely.


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Wolfram87
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05 Aug 2020, 5:31 pm

I have. It was nice. Didn't end well, though.


And I've heard many interesting words used to describe women, but "pneumatic" was a new one. :)


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