Starting to lose faith in my religion

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Hi, I am a woman who was confirmed in a catholic church and although I haven't attended in awhile, I do pray every night before bed and bless my dinner. I'm really starting to lose faith in my religion now more than every for a ton of reasons. First off, when the state shutdown happened I was disappointed, but I was getting through it. I built a close relationship with a few of my students who would come to me for help when the teacher wasn't available or sometimes just to say hello. Then, on the last day of school, I was forced to say goodbye to my closest student who I treated like a son possibly forever through the computer screen. No real ceremony with a hug and a small present. Just goodbye online. I signed up to be his mentor in the fall but this might not happen A. because of COVID and B. because of his old sh***y mentor who was never there for him even on her scheduled day once a week, leaving me to pick up the pieces of this poor child's depression when she cancelled last minute. I vowed to keep him in my prayers everyday because growing up, I was always taught by my memmere and my very religious cousin that if you're worried about someone or you love them then you should pray for them so God can listen. Two days ago this child's cat passed away. This cat was the only thing that ever meant anything to him. His siblings are not really that nice to him and one of them always bullies him and calls him ret*d and stupid. This cat always stuck by him the way a therapy dog does. As soon as I had found out via facebook that the only thing he ever cared about and basically keeping him from possible suicide was dead. I cried. I cried a lot and I made sure to write sorry for the loss to his mother who said she would pass it on to him. I started drinking some toxins in small amounts awhile ago just because it makes the pain feel better.
Now, my uncle was very ill with cancer. He was the eldest brother to my mother. He was on hospice last night and the family was told he had up to a couple weeks to live. Today is my mom's birthday and knowing that birthdays have not always been great for her (one year our refrigerator broke and another in her youth she had a stroke), I prayed to god last night and said you better not take him on her birthday. That will crush her. You already took this cat away from this fragile kid now please don't take my mom's brother on her birthday. I know he's sick and if he needs to go fine but please just wait until after her birthday. I also decided to strike a deal with him. I said that I would quit the toxins when I get what I want. I want happiness for the boy and I want my mother to have a nice birthday without anyone dying. Well, as it happened, not just one, but TWO relatives died today on my mother's side. The uncle I I'm speaking of and her great aunt (I never knew her well). Both deaths right on her birthday. This is really making me question my faith. I mean catholicism says that God loves everyone and cars for them. It also says pray for those in need of prayers and good things happen to genuinely good people. I consider myself a good person. If all this is true, then how come when I pray to the lord, my prayers are denied. How comes God wants to hurt so many people I love so dearly all at once (the boy, my mother who lost her brother, my 93 year old memmere who lost her son, and me)? Why do I have a feeling by the way things are going that I won't be able to mentor the boy, even though I pray for it and he needs a good mentor? When does this get easier? I'm having a hard time believing the God I learned about in Sunday school would be mean enough to do all of this at once. I just feel like this is the worst summer ever. I've kept telling myself that tomorrow will be better and that there's more to look forward to. But there's isn't. It's not going to get better anytime soon. By the time this pain subsides more crappy stuff will have happened. Plus I feel trapped with the shutdown. I can't work in the schools because they're still closed until fall. I can't go swimming in the local pool because it's closed. I can't go to McDonalds, order some fries and a sundae and actually sit down in the AC and enjoy myself. My dad is nervous about my walking around alone as I am a small woman but my mom says I need to because I walk too slow to keep up with her scooter. I'm sorry. I know this is a lot but this all just continues to build up everyday and I don't know how much more I can handle.

Welcome to WrongPlanet.

I may not be the best person to say these things, but here goes...

First, G^D does love you.  Don't ask me how I know this, and don't ask me to prove it, but just accept it to be true.  That's what faith -- not religion -- is all about.

Second G^D did not do these things to you.  Things happen, and usually for no other reason than "Natural Causes".  People die.

Third, it is not G^D who has failed you, but what religion teaches that has failed you.  Believe it or not, G^D is not a wish machine -- he is not a magical genii who pops out of a lamp and grants your every wish.  He is G^D, sovereign and holy.  There is no magic ritual you can perform, no prayer you can recite, and no priestly absolution you can receive that will force G^D to do your bidding, and no dead saint who will intervene on your behalf.

G^D has a plan for you.  Study your Bible.  Seek His will.  He has not failed you, religion has.  In time, all of this will make sense.

I am sorry that I have no more answers for you, or any answers that will make everything better for you.

Be at peace.

thanks. It also doesn't help that with the stress I'm exhausted and I just had to grab a hairbrush and spend almost 10 minutes to scratch my back like a contortionist which still doesn't 100% feel soothed but it's a lot less itchy then it was.

I do not want to deprave anyone, but I also have problems associated with religion. I have thoughts about leaving Catholic faith and becoming believer in other faith (especially Islam, but (rather) not most popular Sunni or Shia one). I read a lot about "coincidences", "synchronicities" associated with original text of the Quran which are called by Muslims "mathematical miracles" (supposed miracles can be also associated weith letters, words or scientific facts). It wonders me why the Quran has so much dependencies which were hidden by more than 1200 years after the death of Muhammad. I have rather large fear of large suffering or annihilation, eternal damnation, being unsaved, experiencing endless torment... These things are VERY, REALLY scary. My mentality disagrees with both Quran and Bible despite being Catholic. I prayed in Catholic way very often last days. My nature can have fear that these prayers are sinful, even gravely sinful. I did not believe in hell, torment after death when I was younger (to being about 16 years old), if I remember well. In 2008 - 2010 I had many general confessions which were often long. I had "fear" that they were sacrilegious or at least invalid and that I have mortal sin(s) on my conscience and thast I would go to hell if I die. About the end of 2008 I was diagnosed with OCD and Asperger's. I take medications for OCD since above 11,5 years (with breaks). The most intriguing things for my nature appear to be numerical, riteral and scientific miracles of the Quran. Why they are present? Their number is very large.

You don't have to be religious, just faith-filled.  Both of you seem to have been brought up on a religion that does everything it can to distract you from having a personal relationship with G^D -- meaningless rituals, worship of icons and statues (idolatry), irrelevant traditions, confessionals (only G^D can forgive sin), and seemingly endless repetitions of the same prayer to dead mortals (who cannot hear you).

You would be better off to set all of that aside, read your Bibles, and learn about G^D for yourselves.

If you want help, there are likely numerous Bible-study groups in your area, although most may be affiliated with one Reformist church or another.  Try to find one that does NOT hold on to the "Women shall not teach the Word of G^D" myth, and that clearly claim Jesus as the Son of G^D.

(I would stay away from Baptist denominations, Jehovah's Witnesses, Seventh-Day Adventists, and Scientology.)

The thing I like about most Reformist churches is that they try to follow Biblical principles, and the best Reformist churches (imho) don't care about what 'sins' you may have committed as long as you profess G^D as sovereign and holy; Jesus as His Son, G^D incarnate on Earth, and your Lord and Savior; and the Holy Spirit as your motivator.

There are times in life when we get knocked out of a routine. As a result, we can question everything around us that we previously took for granted. Faith is one of those elements that can be questioned.

If we suddenly are confronted with some of the hurt and pain of others, we may look to blame someone for it. We may not be inclined to consider that this has always been going on and that we were previously unaware.

There are a variety of religious traditions and denominations. Some have more human distortions and contributions than others. but I have not found a single one that is free from some error. Some may find benefit from changing from one denomination to another, but I have found it more helpful to seek out those who clearly show the light and love of Jesus in their lives and ask them to help me know Jesus as well as they do.

It can be tempting to see pain and judge God to be at fault for allowing it to happen. We often do not appreciate that many of the difficulties in life are there to prevent us from becoming like Hollywood or rock stars, Roman Emperors, or others whose wealth and position lead them into self destructive paths.

Judging God is almost a reflex in our culture because we have been encouraged to express outrage at whatever slight or injustice (real or imagined) we see. What we may not appreciate is the damage this can cause faith.

An emergency room doctor may work frantically to save the life of an accident victim. However, the patient may still die. In a way, this is a picture of prayer. When we offer to God our concern for others, we try to help. However, the outcome is not in our hands. The essence of faith is to trust that even though we do not understand the “why” of events around us, we trust that God concludes all things to his will.

I was once asked why God allowed evil to exist. My answer was who of us could survive if God acted now to eliminate evil. Because we were not created robots and given free will instead, we have to live for now in a world of bad choices.

It is by way of a new life in Christ that we are able to receive wisdom and a heart of compassion in a world of pain and suffering. We become like the emergency room doctor trying to bring a little love and help into a world where we can.

I would encourage you to hold on to your faith in spite of the pain you see. It is our faith In God that can help us to be a source of comfort to others.

Isa 26:3 Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee: because he trusteth in thee.

You have a sensitive and caring soul. An additional aspect to faith is that you are not alone.

1Pe 5:7 Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you.

Wow.  I have never heard it expressed in those exact words before, although the concept is a familiar one.

IMO the bible is based on stories from another time. It is not supported by science; it is myth, plus maybe a bit of history thrown in there. Studying it will not get you closer to the truth, unless you can separate fact from fiction (which you can probably do based on considering what sounds like bs, and what sounds like it could actually have happened). The bible is the only piece of historical documentation of most of the events therein. It's filled with "eyewitness accounts" which of course means nothing (consult records from the court system in today's world for evidence of how reliable eyewitness accounts are). One example would be a woman turning into a pillar of salt (or someone coming back from that dead). Does this sound like something that could happen in a non-fiction book you would read? No. It sounds made up, like something from any myth or piece of fantasy or fiction you read in a story book. So it's very likely to be such. And even if it were true (given the slim chance this happened by some mechanism we can't understand) -- why believe it? It's incredibly farfetched. In today's world, you'd never believe that kind of nonsense, you'd think people were conning you or merely joking with you (look at tabloids, for instance). The bible is quite possibly like a tabloid or joke from 2000 years ago that people fell for, before they developed the common sense of today. I find religious people to be extremely gullible, superstitious, and delusional, often to the point of hilarity. Also keep in mind it was started long ago before science had developed to what it is today. So if you believe in and use science in your life, it's contradictory to follow along with religion.

I figure my life is way too short to waste on trying to verify and justify what could easily and likely be the lies of others (Jesus being resurrected and other supernatural events depicted in the bible; devoted followers of cults do die for their leaders and their beliefs, however insane they may in fact be, it's a well-known fact, they seek to die as martyrs, and those people can be delusional or psychotic). Religions are basically all like cults, you are expected to follow and adhere almost blindly to the most farfetched ideas and claims (sometimes for no good reason other than pressuring, tricking, manipulating, threatening, coercing, etc). They will try to keep you in, believing and following along. Otherwise the collective delusion is over, and people need these delusions on a psychological and social level. Studying cults like Scientology, Jonestown, Branch Davidians, etc., will give you a lot of insight into how religion and faith operates. I'm not saying all religious people are necessarily morally bad or anything, I'm just saying there's always some element of gullibility, ignorance, delusion, naivety, etc., operative in buying into a religion. And people are choosing this sometimes on a less conscious level...because it feels good (ignorance is bliss).

I trust I understand what you've written. You may be saying, in other words, "Since, for example, a collection of children's morality tales can't be used as a science-based, historically proven textbook, there's nothing to be learned from it and it should be criticized for not being a collection of provable facts."

The problem with such a conclusion is that the criteria being used to judge the collection of stories (whether they're historical or not) ignores the purpose and intent of the stories.

@timf, I think this was a very helpful reply.

@playgroundlover22695:
[I was raised in a multi-denominational home. There were two Catholics, a Seventh Day Adventist, a Baptist, and a United Methodist (me). I later converted to Catholicism, in preparation of marriage to a Catholic, after studying with the Jehovah Witnesses for two years and taking several comparative religions classes in university. As an adult, I've become friends with a number of Muslims and Buddhists (not the pseudo American Buddhists but people from Southeast Asia). This is from where my perspective comes.]

I rarely discuss religion because my beliefs are very individualistic so there's something for everyone to disagree with. But, in addition to what 'timf' posted, I'd like to offer a few thoughts that I found very helpful in my religious deliberations.

When Christianity began it was loosely organized but, eventually, adopted a form of organization that mimicked political organizations. Things like financing of the organization began to influence what was taught and how it was taught. This was a practical necessity. In time, however, Christianity became very political.

Developing faith begins within the framework of the political and economic reality of organized religion but, if one is sincere and thoughtful, there comes a time when one's faith inspires one to see things in a way that is not in the organized religion's best interest (to maintain it's political and economic interests needed to survive).

Among your conflicted thoughts, you are considering what you were taught should be and what you're experiencing.

-Some of this may be because you might be "cherry-picking" (selecting and emphasizing some things but not others... (ie) you don't mention the story of Job...which would be very relevant to your post),

-Some of this may be because you are taking things literally that were meant to be metaphors, or meant to be explanations of what faith is, or meant to be a way things are hoped for **but not guaranteed**,

-Some of this may be one of those moments where you're discerning between the teachings of Jesus and what the Church teaches (a difference which is a compromise to the practical necessities of maintaining a large organization), and

-Some of this, that you've written, sounds like you're bargaining with God and looking for a "reward" or influence over God for having "faith".

Faith is what one thinks. It has no currency (financial value). It can't be traded for something else (like saving a life, making it rain, changing the time something happens).

Questioning one's faith is a very good thing; even if this means also questioning what or how one is being taught. Your questioning is a requirement for developing a mature faith that will help you in the future.
Not questioning one's faith is a sure sign one is "stuck" and not progressing toward a fully mature faith.

At this point, I'm tempted to suggest that all religions are inspired by the Creator as a way to appreciate Him and His creation of the universe. So, being one religion vs another is not important. This competition to "please God" in order to win wars or be more popular is so unnecessary and destructive.

At this point, I'm also tempted to suggest that the various denominations, of the various religions, are silly, unnecessary, and do nothing to serve anyone but the various organizations' prestige. But that riles people up so I won't say that. LOL.

completely agree here. didn't know how to say it when the post first popped up.
not christian but totally true all points

This is not quite what I'm getting at. I did mention that I'm not necessarily saying that religions are morally wrong (although they can be, obviously there is a big spectrum there). On a moral level, much about Christianity is good. I have family members who identify as Christian and I assure you they're very nice, good, moral people...they attend church, and donate to the church, although it is of a more open-minded and progressive variety of Christianity (some kind of protestant/reformed Christianity). I believe my Dad is even himself basically an atheist, though he is involved with the church. I think the more extreme forms of Christianity can be destructive. At best, they're potentially delusional about some aspects of their beliefs, but still doing morally good things.

The problem is that people are taking these as a collection of facts, yet so much of the bible is contradictory, cryptic, and physically impossible. Many people are doing this; they are aligning themselves with Christianity and claiming to be the orthodox Christians and following the bible verbatim (evangelicals, some Catholics, etc., for instance). There isn't a clear enough line between what is fact and what is fiction in the teachings of Christianity, with regards to for example The Bible. So you can have many different varieties of Christians, and the word alone means not much, so maybe the denomination can help...in which case some people are more concerned with the morals of Christianity than the spiritual beliefs. But I feel that is an unfortunate compromise, and one shouldn't need to assume a religion that is based on myths in order to get across their morals. Surely there are other humans one can follow and turn to, who were upright and moral and did many good things, without having to worship Christ, his disciples, etc. (and in so doing, buy into this whole Christian mythology).

I feel that I personally understand right and wrong just fine, and am a compassionate person. Yet I am a scientific and unreligious person. So religious people should not have some kind of monopoly on morality. Indeed there are many cases where they act immorally, in the name of their religion...since a text can be arbitrarily followed with unquestioning zeal, regardless of the messages it contains (if one is religious enough)...and the bible as a text is problematic, for messages it contains. Does Christianity really say that we can cherry-pick what we want from the teachings and reject the rest? I'm not so sure. I know for many Christians, it unequivocally does not.

Uhmmm. Have you ever read the Bible without comparing every portion of it to what someone else has said? Ok. You are looking for evidence. Try this:-

http://www.arkdiscovery.com

On that site shows a visit to the area where the woman turned into a pillar of salt (Lots wife). It is on a plain where God destroyed five cities, two of which were Soddom and Gomorrah.

Now you are free to believe it or not as it is your decision entirely, but you can't now say that you have not seen some information sharing from an archaeological point of view.

Back to the point of the thread Playgroundlover wrote.

We all go through our ups and downs in life. This life is not easy. This does not mean that God does not exist or does not hear your prayers. Every tear you shed Jesus holds.

god doesn't intervene in the world, its down to probability of things happening. it doesn't make sense because its random

I don't agree as I have witnessed miracles.

what I don't understand is, why does something have to be mysterious and inexplicable to be a miracle? i think that 1st definition of miracle is only from the initial impression, not necessarily the mechanics - any intervention be it divine or otherwise has to have a method behind it -
why can't it be something highly improbable which, when you look at or find out the reasons behind it (how it was made possible), makes it even better?