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Turning people down

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KT67
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07 Aug 2020, 12:39 pm

How do I turn down men & non-passing trans women irl who aren't attractive? If I tell them that they'd be offended & trans women would start calling me 'transphobic' or 'transmisogynist' etc. But it's really not my thing & when they're a lot older than me it makes me feel icky and violated.

This trans woman who's 68 started talking to me about her dick then flirting etc. She knew my age so she said 'I was married at your age'...

Yes, but you weren't autistic at my age, love.

I'm not transphobic just not attracted to trans women who don't pass & aren't young. Esp since I look half my age anyway & feel quite emotionally young.


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kraftiekortie
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07 Aug 2020, 12:50 pm

You have to be truthful in these instances. But diplomatic.

Just tell these people you’re not ready for a relationship.



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07 Aug 2020, 2:32 pm

KT67 wrote:
How do I turn down men & non-passing trans women irl who aren't attractive? If I tell them that they'd be offended & trans women would start calling me 'transphobic' or 'transmisogynist' etc. But it's really not my thing & when they're a lot older than me it makes me feel icky and violated.

This trans woman who's 68 started talking to me about her dick then flirting etc. She knew my age so she said 'I was married at your age'...

Yes, but you weren't autistic at my age, love.

I'm not transphobic just not attracted to trans women who don't pass & aren't young. Esp since I look half my age anyway & feel quite emotionally young.


You could take a page from Nancy Reagan & just say no. You can’t control what other people think about it though. That’s their problem anyway. You can’t please everyone.



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07 Aug 2020, 2:45 pm

Tell them that you're flattered (even if you aren't)l, but that you're not interested.


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08 Aug 2020, 5:07 pm

KT67 wrote:
How do I turn down men & non-passing trans women irl who aren't attractive? If I tell them that they'd be offended & trans women would start calling me 'transphobic' or 'transmisogynist' etc. But it's really not my thing & when they're a lot older than me it makes me feel icky and violated.

This trans woman who's 68 started talking to me about her dick then flirting etc. She knew my age so she said 'I was married at your age'...

Yes, but you weren't autistic at my age, love.

I'm not transphobic just not attracted to trans women who don't pass & aren't young. Esp since I look half my age anyway & feel quite emotionally young.


Responding with a simple "sorry, I'm not interested in having that kind of relationship with you" should suffice. Don't feel like you have to justify yourself. You have right to your own tastes and dating preferences.

If you continue to have problems with someone much older than you making continuous advances, be very firm. Tell them no, and if need be that they are making you uncomfortable.



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09 Aug 2020, 10:03 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
You have to be truthful in these instances. But diplomatic.

Just tell these people you’re not ready for a relationship.


I NEVER saw Kraftie EVER give bad advice. It's always carefully thought out and full of compassion!! Thanks Kraftie!! :D



KT67
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09 Aug 2020, 11:45 am

RightGalaxy wrote:
kraftiekortie wrote:
You have to be truthful in these instances. But diplomatic.

Just tell these people you’re not ready for a relationship.


I NEVER saw Kraftie EVER give bad advice. It's always carefully thought out and full of compassion!! Thanks Kraftie!! :D


This is so true.


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KT67
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09 Aug 2020, 6:41 pm

idntonkw wrote:
KT67 wrote:
How do I turn down men & non-passing trans women irl who aren't attractive? If I tell them that they'd be offended & trans women would start calling me 'transphobic' or 'transmisogynist' etc. But it's really not my thing & when they're a lot older than me it makes me feel icky and violated.

This trans woman who's 68 started talking to me about her dick then flirting etc. She knew my age so she said 'I was married at your age'...

Yes, but you weren't autistic at my age, love.

I'm not transphobic just not attracted to trans women who don't pass & aren't young. Esp since I look half my age anyway & feel quite emotionally young.


Trans people will try to force themselves on you against your will and then blame you for it.. it's not your fault they were born as the wrong sex and yet they want you to make up for the consequences of that happening. don't fall for their bs. they very often have mental issues and use faulty logic to change something that life threw at them. they are often dishonest, unfair, manipulative and tricky. I had one stay with me and she ran away from her mom, asked me for money and guilt tripped me into using my phone, was coming on to me, embarassed me in front of neighbors, did not wash the dishes after herself, then ran away when I made arrangements for her to move out and painted me in a very negative light online.. her mom went after me for what were really their issues.. another transgender person was home sitting for my mom, and then the cat misterously became ill and died after spending a week with the transgender person 1:1. go figure.


Not all trans people have mental issues & are like that...

I will say though that a lot of trans women who come out later in life don't seem to have internalised that they're 50+ yo women & 50+ yo women aren't desired by a lot of ppl like younger people, esp younger men but just in general.

Idk why some people want old men for that matter. I have no desires at all for it. Is it that masculinity doesn't age as much? (I'm not into masculinity even in men). Or about money chasing? Or wanting authority? I don't get it...

And her language and attitudes were so dated...


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hobojungle
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10 Aug 2020, 10:35 am

hobojungle wrote:
You could take a page from Nancy Reagan & just say no. You can’t control what other people think about it though. That’s their problem anyway. You can’t please everyone.

...& the kids & people from other countries are like “Nancy Who?” & “Just say what?” My references so outdated.



kraftiekortie
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10 Aug 2020, 11:32 am

Nancy Reagan was the wife of President Ronald Reagan. They served from 1981-1989.

Both the Reagans were previously actors.



KT67
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10 Aug 2020, 5:37 pm

Why are all the American presidents celebrities? Kind of gives Kanye a shot...


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Pepe
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11 Aug 2020, 4:01 am

KT67 wrote:
How do I turn down men & non-passing trans women irl who aren't attractive? If I tell them that they'd be offended & trans women would start calling me 'transphobic' or 'transmisogynist' etc. But it's really not my thing & when they're a lot older than me it makes me feel icky and violated.

This trans woman who's 68 started talking to me about her dick then flirting etc. She knew my age so she said 'I was married at your age'...

Yes, but you weren't autistic at my age, love.

I'm not transphobic just not attracted to trans women who don't pass & aren't young. Esp since I look half my age anyway & feel quite emotionally young.


If there is no attraction it isn't going to happen.
You don't need to be Einstein to understand that.

"How do I turn down men & non-passing trans women irl who aren't attractive?"
I'll tell you when it happens to me. :mrgreen:



KT67
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11 Aug 2020, 1:52 pm

It happens cos there's one sided attraction.

And before anyone thinks I have an ego, there's times when I fancy someone and they don't fancy me back, too. But I don't approach ppl like that right away, I build a friendship first and ready myself for rejection.


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Pepe
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12 Aug 2020, 12:32 am

KT67 wrote:
It happens cos there's one sided attraction.

And before anyone thinks I have an ego, there's times when I fancy someone and they don't fancy me back, too. But I don't approach ppl like that right away, I build a friendship first and ready myself for rejection.


Do you get approached, generally speaking, often?
It has happened to me so few times I didn't need to develop a strategy. ;)



KT67
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12 Aug 2020, 8:22 am

It happens enough that it's a problem and to an extent where most of the stuff I've been involved in, kissing, sex etc has been out of fear rather than out of wanting it.

I get afraid to turn someone down because they might turn violent. Esp if they're bigger than me or being intimidating etc.

It's happened since I was a kid.


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Pepe
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12 Aug 2020, 6:41 pm

KT67 wrote:
It happens enough that it's a problem and to an extent where most of the stuff I've been involved in, kissing, sex etc has been out of fear rather than out of wanting it.

I get afraid to turn someone down because they might turn violent. Esp if they're bigger than me or being intimidating etc.

It's happened since I was a kid.


I'm pretty much a Hikikomori (a hermit), and when I do go out it is usually in a shopping context.
I gather you are much more extroverted and actually have a social life.
Alternatively, you may have a job which demands social interaction?