Scared (medical stuff)

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After suspecting for several months, last week I was diagnosed with nodular sclerosis classic Hodgkin's lymphoma.This is one of the least scary and most readily treatable kinds of cancer. I would stand a better chance of dying if I caught the flu than I do from this. Because of this, I've been pretty upbeat and blase about it. But I think I'm forced to admit now that, well... I'm scared.

I'm not scared for my life, I have no doubt that I will recover. What I'm scared of is the hell I'll have to go through to get there, the side effects of chemotherapy (ABVD is what I'm getting). Probably an entire year of it. I really don't know how I'll be able to withstand that, especially since I don't seem to have anything more to look forward to in life than more of the same (no job, still living with my parents for as long as it's feasible, pretty much just playing with my dog (which I hope to regain the energy and enthusiasm to do a lot) and sitting around messing with my iPad all day, making exactly zero progress toward anything but death), so nothing really to motivate me. Really, what I'm afraid of is not dying, but having to live.

I don't know why I'm posting this. Just to get it out there, I guess - show that beneath these thick, protective dragon scales is a body just as soft as a human's, or something. I'll just go huddle in the farthest back corner of my cave now.

It helps to talk about it.

What more reason than just venting do you need? This is what the Haven is there for.

I dont know what else to say, othrer than wishing you the strength to beat this.

Just to get it out there, I guess - show that beneath these thick, protective dragon scales is a body just as soft as a human's, or something.

"Now, don't you ever be ashamed;
You're only lonely..."

I feel for you, Dragon.

One day at a time dragon, take it one day at a time.

{{{{{ D&D }}}}}

Behind you 100% and hope that through all this, you emerge with a new reason to look forward to your life ahead ... new inner strength and determination to make each day count.

Only 4 days until chemo starts 4 days to get myself all worked up, to try to figure out how to deal with anything from a regular-feeling IV drip to fire going through my veins, for anything from being bedridden for a week or so to being fine for a few more days and then just not feeling very good for a couple of days before being fine again. Might be better if I actually knew exactly what to expect, but different people’s reactions to the same chemical cocktail are so varied, it’s really impossible to know until you get it yourself. I guess after round 1 I’ll at least have some idea of how the rest will affect me.

But really, just

will keep checking up on this and other thread you have -
any updates, any details.

am here for you. as is everyone else.

this is for you. you might be the rider or the dragon but see you as undeniably brave and resolute-
and going into battle like these 2 seem to be..
https://wallpapersden.com/dragon-knight ... /840x1336/

I hope you can just relax with a favorite book while you’re in treatment.

Holding you in the Light.

(((DandD)))

Hugs dear (((((( d&d )))))

Did you get the treatment today?

No, it's tomorrow. And I just found out there's a good chance it will be delayed because my brother has a fever, so he probably at least needs a negative COVID test before I'm cleared. Waiting for a call from the clinic to confirm/deny that.

I'm home from chemo now. Fortunately they didn't even ask my mom and me any screening questions, just took our temperatures, which were both normal, and let us in. Everything seems to have gone well, I'm a little tired but otherwise feel fine. I guess now I just wait for the chemo to really hit me sometime in the next few days.

Like I said in the other thread, there are times when one doesn't get side effects with chemo.

But at least you won't be surprised if you do get bad side effects.