Not social at work

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Over the years, I've had mixed experiences in the workplace socially. It's either I've hit it off with Co-workers or I really haven't. I find in the workplace, either people really like me or they want to arrange to have me shot.

In one job situation where I was quite social, maybe a bit too much. . Then a couple others I pretty much said nothing, in one case, I think they thought I was deaf at first. This one time, I knew a couple hated me from the time I walked in the door.

I work in a warehouse so it's not like it's the type of job where you have to network or anything. However, I tend to get left out of stuff a lot. I can be a bit aloof and have been accused of being stuck up, or worse slow or the dreaded R word. Honestly though, I find people either to be: obnoxious, sneaky, immature, nosey, or annoying, in many work of my work experiences.

For me, the whole co-worker/friend thing has never worked out, the few times I've tried it. Honestly, I don't like co-workers knowing stuff like, where I live, my phone number, or stuff like that.

you don't have to share personal details to them, just be superficially social. you can talk about the work that you do, about politics, or whatever superficial thing. people who don't talk get bullied from my own experience, it's normal, fix this problem. hey i'm with you, i understand you

It really helps to be yourself and not worry what people think about you. If you have anxiety, you'll talk less and people will interpret that as you being aloof or you thinking you're better than them. If you think about what you're saying before talking because you're worried about saying the wrong thing, people will think you're slow or dumb and avoid you. I doubt anyone hates you although people will be uncomfortable if you act strangely. The more you practice being yourself, the easier it will be. If you're worried about what people will think, see it as a learning opportunity. Every time someone reacts negatively, tell yourself no one is perfect and that it will help you learn so you can adjust in the future. The more you can be yourself and think positively, the more you will learn and the easier it will be to socialize and fit in.

Back in 2009 I got this job in a convenience store, but I didn't like it the moment I walked in the door. There were 50 employees working there, and about 45 of them were all youngsters between the ages of about 16-24. Although I was in that age group too, I didn't feel like I belonged. I wouldn't say the other girls there were mean or bad or anything, but they all had this extroverted sort of personality and when you have too many people like that of the same age working together, things do become bitchy. I felt shy around them and I just didn't feel comfortable. They knew I was shy and were quite patronising. I was there 6 weeks and the only person I had a conversation with there was an older woman who seemed nice and didn't get involved much with the youngsters. She was sorry when I said I was leaving. But I just didn't feel right there.

Maybe it was also because of the loud bell in the warehouse that rang loudly whenever there were deliveries, and that could be at any time of the day with no warning. But obviously I couldn't tell anyone that as they'd just laugh at me.

Getting shot for not being a social butterfly. That seems harsh

I have a morning job and an evening job, both as a cleaner. Though I've been in the morning job a lot longer, I know and talk to more people in the evening. It's a much smaller team, small enough for everyone to fit in the office in one go. I'm not the only one there who seems to find it easier to talk in those circumstances. In the morning, there are colleagues whose names I still don't know after several years.

There are people from other departments at my work, who I've seen around for years but have never said one word to them. No point really. In one job situation I was in once, a few people I know hated me and used to mock the way I walked and said I was a F'ing R word. Thing is, they never even talked to me or gave me a chance. 16 years later I am still mad as hell at them.

I tended to keep the social stuff at work separate from my home life. Although I had nothing against some of the people there, I preferred to keep myself rather secret from them in some ways. I think it stemmed from not trusting the management very much, and from my being very much against hierarchies. I was sometimes fairly critical of management antics, but I don't think I ever displayed just how radical and anti-mainstream my ideology is. So I was never quite myself there, and wouldn't have wanted them visiting me or sharing in my private life.

I was friendly to most of them, but some of that was just an act, a way of surviving. I had quite a high regard for some of them, but tended to see them all as being part of the same thing in a sense. It was a constant social mask designed to isolate my true nature from largely mainstream people I'd not on the whole have chosen as friends. I stayed away from a lot of their social events. I didn't dislike many of them as individuals, I just saw them as "not my people." I'd been a lot more accepting towards my chosen classmates at school, because I felt they shared my values quite well and they didn't share much with the "management" (i.e. the teachers), so I guess I felt safer with them.

You've clearly never been to the Southern US

Yeah, for what ever reason people I work around like to throw that R-Word around, I'm not THAT easily offended or anything, I just found it strange you can still say that one.

I'm in the Midwestern USA, I've gone down south on vacation but I don't think I'd like to live there. Friendly is good but overly friendly is just "eww" to me. The R word I have a major problem with.

Yeah, I'm moving to the Midwest sometime soon myself when my life calms down. Wanted to move to Finland but if I figured if I was going to waste time and a little money going to college might as well stay where I can make money.

If it were me, I’d shoot them for being a social butterfly.

A place of employment is NOT a social club. The only social interaction that should be taking place should be work-related. Any other type of socialization is cause for disciplinary action, up to and including termination.

ha ha Finland or the Midwest USA? Decisions decisions....

People at school or at work may bully you if you have Aspergers.
It is not your fault you are a shy, introvert with Aspergers.
"Grrrrrr. I have Aspergers!"

I am kind of like that too. I have been working in the same company for 5 years now but I still don't find it close with my co-workers, managers. I know my co-workers for a long time but I still feel like they are strangers and being too formal to them.

I agree with all that and also, years ago I got caught up in some drama in the workplace and that really changed how I am at work. I've learned not to let on too much about your life outside of work and that co-workers are not your friends.