Am I evil?

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Why do I seek vengeance all the time?

I feel that I have an anger, that just cannot be controlled. I wish death to some people who disagree with me, and I can think of all sorts of hideous, cruel and unusual methods of State-imposed execution methods should I become a dictator...

I relates to both real and imaginary enemies. Even people I like and trust can be subjects of my thoughts about torturing to death, because I fear I cannot trust them.

The thing is, I hate it. I don't want this aggressiveness. I'm also not violent in real life.
And I also don't want dictatorship, nor do I want torture or death penalty for real.

Is it neccessary to kill myself to prevent these thoughts?
Which alternatives exists to get treated for this? Am I evil?

Btw. I'm getting psychiatric treatment.
But I've had these urges since as long as I can remember, which is why I don't expect it to be side-effects.

But they tend to get worse for some reason... I don't know why.

Help, please...

I wish you calm thoughts.

I don't know, it's kind of a taboo.
One of my friends says, he's a "theoretician sadist" - he doesn't wish anyone any harm but he likes to endorse on cruel fantasies he never tries to fulfil.
Maybe it's better to acknowledge and integrate our dark side, because it gives us more control over it.
I'll try to research the topic more.

I think in the case of my friend, it's also not "down there".
He just enjoys playing some video games where you e.g. murder kittens in fancy ways... I couldn't even look at that, despite the graphics being very cartoonish and non-serious.
But as his sadistic instincts get satisfied that way, he can then go on without harming any actual kittens or other beings.

I relate it to an experience that I got on wrong medication once. The meds turned my depression into anger, I wanted literally to go to the streets and punch random people in their faces.
So I decided the wisest thing to do was turning on a fighting video game, so I could release my urge for brutality without actually harming anyone. It helped.

The fact that you recognize those feelings as a problem and want to talk about it, shows hope and willingness to change. Those that act on evil impulses and land up in prison, are the ones weho didn't seek help or acknowledged they needed to address it.

I reckon magz has a good idea there that you can focus those negative energies to some fantasy scenario or computer game/sim.

I'm glad you're seeking therapy but you need be patient as that can take some time.

You're not evil else you wouldn't admit to these thoughts or be concerned about them.

Psychiatric hospitals are much better than they were in the 1950s when they had a terrible reputation for dehumanizing and ineffective treatment methods. Today they don't have nearly so much a stigma attached. It still involves losing an element of control but I don't think they will do that. They would try medication and outpatient therapy and only admit someone as a last resort. Don't fear. Far better than jail.

The fears you have are perfectly normal and many if not most of us have them, even if they'll never happen. Motivation is important. Focus on something you really enjoy doing. Staying busy can help keep bad thoughts at bay. Art, jogging, helping at an animal shelter - whatever you find pleasant.

It's hard to defeat intrusive, troublesome negative thoughts but there are ways, which as a layman don't feel qualified enough to talk about.

If you were exempted that should be permanent and you need not fear becoming a draft dodger. Do you stay in a non-democratic dictatorship where they would go as far as to execute dodgers? Just keep any documentation you got where it shows you were exempted.

The invisible beings are intrusive thoughts which you need to silence. Here, therapy is the best solution and you needn't fear it. I am also on social welfare due to inability to work in a regular workplace setting. Medical authority is your most powerful "weapon" at the moment.

Do you do art?
Art helps get emotions out. All that fear and anger... maybe they can take a form of a picture?
Draw them.
Draw them away.

It has been my experience that most significantly evil people never ever ask themselves if they are evil .
Always some justification . It can be as simply as whom you are acquainted to be an excuse .
Thusly we have the entire field of psychiatry. And gas chambers . Perhaps ..?

Everybody has had thoughts of killing or hurting people some time or another. I've had thoughts of punching a toddler in the face for screaming in public places, but in reality I'd never hurt a toddler. I get angry when I hear on the news about child cruelty because I hate it and I wouldn't actually want to hurt a child (or any person or animal). I think that having vicious thoughts is the mind's way of tricking you into thinking that the problem is solving itself by imagining the problematic person dying or getting hurt. Feeling guilty that you have these thoughts means you are not evil, you are probably just suffering with anxiety or depression. As long as you're able to differentiate your thoughts from your actions and your emotions, you're a decent, civilized human being.

Talk to your therapist about a link between autism and schizophrenia. We all have thoughts but when we act upon them, it is up for judgement. The fact that you don't like the thoughts you have are a VERY good sign. I feel this way about my entire neighborhood. These feeling are straight from the fact that they all were mean to my child when she was growing up due to being picked up by a van 5 days of the week JUST SO SHE COULD GET A MOTHA F'N EDUCATION THAT EVERYBODY SHOULD GET!! !! Can ya feel me?

Observation and experiences tells me:


.. You're not evil.

You're just very angry and wronged.
You crave for retribution. You want your sufferers to feel what you feel. You want to let it out when you're not allowed to be.

It's is not a real form of cruelty. It's a form of hurt.

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While many issues are mentally based, have you considered prayer?

Humans are not naturally born evil . It is a learned trait , If you have much anger. Then deal. With that anger. Misplaced anger , can. Get you into much trouble and even allow. People to manipulate you through. The anger you hold , by possible. Redirection of your anger , and. By Peer pressure. And the. Like . Please do bot be controlled by your. Anger . It is the enemy. Of the resourceful mind ,