Fear of losing friends and abandonment

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For many years in my life I had almost no friends and I spent six of those years in a special ed school in Boston for kids and young adults with autism.

For years when I was in community college after leaving that school because I was very open about myself I figured since the entire classNew I was autistic no one was going to be my friend and at the end of the semester when I asked like the rest of the class to exchange numbers no one exchange numbers with me or they would give me their Facebook and when I would send him a friend request no one would except them yet they excepted other friend requests from other people and when I called him out on it and accused them of being ableist, they blocked me.

More recently I met this girl on OkCupid, a dating site and we begin to forge a pretty good friendship. Everything seem to be going well until this particular incident happened where she seemed a little bit upset that I was not taking the conversation seriously about reparations for african-American descendants of slavery.

When I was taking the conversation seriously I was dealing with a lot of other problems such as I was getting kicked out of my campus because of the coronavirus pandemic and I was dealing with a lot of drama with people spreading rumors behind my back on social media, so as typical with most of us aspies I was being self-absorbed.

In the end I apologize to her for being a little bit self-absorbed. But because I was being pessimistic I expected that she would unfriend me and so I refuse to look at any of her messages for the entire day as I was expecting a message with her telling me that she did not want to be my friend anymore, and then I dealt with a particularly nasty incident with more people spreading rumors behind my back and I ended up confronting that person and I said some really really messed up things to them to retaliate against him for spreading rumors behind my back and getting me kicked out from groups online.

And so I open the Facebook application expecting a rejection letter from her and that’s exactly what I got. I apologize to her again but only a few minutes later all the rage took me over instead of cursing her out I decided to say things that I knew would hurt her to get back at her discriminating against me as she knew I had autism and that she was throwing me away for my autistic traits. And so I open the Facebook application expecting a rejection letter from her and that’s exactly what I got. I apologize to her again but only a few minutes later all the rage took me over instead of cursing her out I decided to say things that I knew would hurt her to get back at her discriminating against me as she knew I had autism and that she was throwing me away for my autistic traits

This is what I said to her after already asking her to give me another chance.

“I wanted you to give me another chance, but since you are so easy to abandon me, You clearly made a banded me over something tiny in the future, so it’s not worth the effort To try and be friends. And PS if you’re going to go with the social welfare need to be more accepting of others.

And then I apologize for the rant before she even read anything as it was kind of in the middle of the night and she did reply and she wrote I didn’t no you long enough to “abandon you” basically she was saying that I was a nobody to her. She really was a disgusting person that I can’t believe I let myself get fooled into thinking that she was an ally of autistic people.

The only real ally of autistic people is an autistic person.

Why do I always have catastrophic thoughts and predictions? And why did they always seem to be coming true?

People are a trip, aren’t they?

Many autistic people have friends who are completely normal so the idea that NTs don't like you because you're autistic probably isn't true. I used to be convinced it was true but I found out people didn't like me for other reasons (being too negative, too sensitive, too self-absorbed, too anxious, and being too critical and judgmental of other people). I know that's true because I overcame all the mental and emotional problems I just mentioned and people like me now.