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Pepe
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30 Sep 2020, 10:38 pm

adromedanblackhole wrote:

So yes, I very much understand you and how this person was making you feel. The more I'm choosing to study how "normal" people interact and make friends the more it becomes clear how important it is to never cast yourself in a position of weakness because it attracts people who feed off of this. So if you've long felt very different from people and seek friendship as an ally in life, a trusted confidant you can open up to and seek out someone to share mutual understanding and share or sooth each other's pain, beware. I really don't believe the basic human being is capable of perceiving other people as anything but a dominance rival or someone to prey on. If you want to build friendships along the lines that most "normal" people have, just seek out activity partners and rarely talk about your inner world and you'll be fine.


Very true, based on personal experience and anecdotal evidence from others.

The perception of weakness often attracts the wrong sort of people.
But there are nice skunks around, who just want to be supportive, too. 8)


_________________
Laughter is the best medicine. Age-appropriate behaviour is an arbitrary NT social construct.
Don't tell me white lies. Gaslight me at your peril. Don't give me your bad attitude.
If I'm so bad, pass me by. ;)


And one more thing,




Truth may be inconvenient but it is never politically incorrect...The Oracle of Truth has spoken...8)


adromedanblackhole
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01 Oct 2020, 12:08 am

Pepe wrote:
adromedanblackhole wrote:

So yes, I very much understand you and how this person was making you feel. The more I'm choosing to study how "normal" people interact and make friends the more it becomes clear how important it is to never cast yourself in a position of weakness because it attracts people who feed off of this. So if you've long felt very different from people and seek friendship as an ally in life, a trusted confidant you can open up to and seek out someone to share mutual understanding and share or sooth each other's pain, beware. I really don't believe the basic human being is capable of perceiving other people as anything but a dominance rival or someone to prey on. If you want to build friendships along the lines that most "normal" people have, just seek out activity partners and rarely talk about your inner world and you'll be fine.


Very true, based on personal experience and anecdotal evidence from others.

The perception of weakness often attracts the wrong sort of people.
But there are nice skunks around, who just want to be supportive, too. 8)


It's so entirely strange to me that this is generally accepted behavior for the sum of humanity. I've been given no other option but to accept it, but it's something my brain literally cannot grasp. When I see someone weak, I want to comfort them or I want to help them. In a worst case scenario I want to help them to knock off the weak behavior because its ultimately in their best interest to do so. But to see weakness and equate it with opportunity, I just literally can't grasp this. I also gain absolutely nothing from the dominance jousts so many people enjoy. Why can't we just cultivate bonds of understanding and acceptance with people? It really feels like base level human interaction has a lot of fear and anticipation that others are threats of some kind. We are one big family it's just disappointing it really doesn't feel like that.



Pepe
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01 Oct 2020, 12:53 am

adromedanblackhole wrote:
Pepe wrote:
adromedanblackhole wrote:

So yes, I very much understand you and how this person was making you feel. The more I'm choosing to study how "normal" people interact and make friends the more it becomes clear how important it is to never cast yourself in a position of weakness because it attracts people who feed off of this. So if you've long felt very different from people and seek friendship as an ally in life, a trusted confidant you can open up to and seek out someone to share mutual understanding and share or sooth each other's pain, beware. I really don't believe the basic human being is capable of perceiving other people as anything but a dominance rival or someone to prey on. If you want to build friendships along the lines that most "normal" people have, just seek out activity partners and rarely talk about your inner world and you'll be fine.


Very true, based on personal experience and anecdotal evidence from others.

The perception of weakness often attracts the wrong sort of people.
But there are nice skunks around, who just want to be supportive, too. 8)


It's so entirely strange to me that this is generally accepted behavior for the sum of humanity. I've been given no other option but to accept it, but it's something my brain literally cannot grasp. When I see someone weak, I want to comfort them or I want to help them. In a worst case scenario I want to help them to knock off the weak behavior because its ultimately in their best interest to do so. But to see weakness and equate it with opportunity, I just literally can't grasp this. I also gain absolutely nothing from the dominance jousts so many people enjoy. Why can't we just cultivate bonds of understanding and acceptance with people? It really feels like base level human interaction has a lot of fear and anticipation that others are threats of some kind. We are one big family it's just disappointing it really doesn't feel like that.


I feel exactly that same as you.
I suspect most on the spectrum have a particularly strong moral compass.

But there is no hiding from reality.
Have a look at this thread I created not that long ago: viewtopic.php?t=390752

Sociopaths and psychopaths *enjoy* mindducking vulnerable people.
I am talking from personal experience. 8O


_________________
Laughter is the best medicine. Age-appropriate behaviour is an arbitrary NT social construct.
Don't tell me white lies. Gaslight me at your peril. Don't give me your bad attitude.
If I'm so bad, pass me by. ;)


And one more thing,




Truth may be inconvenient but it is never politically incorrect...The Oracle of Truth has spoken...8)


BenReillyUK
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01 Oct 2020, 1:28 am

I remember what it was like to have a ‘friend’ who used to ‘fix’ my car for me. Over a period of 2 years or more he spent his time milking me for money. The car stopped having the litany of problems once he no longer went near it.
Also he got me in my car once and drove me on a suburban street at 70. This was in my area where there are children playing in the street. He then said I was ‘screaming like a b***h.’ He took money for parts and then took two weeks just to come over and fit them so the car would work again, that was after he had pierced two tyres on one side by driving it roughly onto my drive.
Basically he was a user. Over the years he went from being friendly in manner to progressively more rude until when he had written my car off so it was unusable and I phoned begging him to fit the part I’d ordered a month before he was just chewing on the other end of the phone and being dismissive.
When he finally fitted the part it was plug in and go. He was two mins on my drive.
I’d thought we were mates and that he was a friend, and I would have always been there for him but in reality he was a thieving bastard.
I don’t think of myself as being friends with anyone per se anymore. I have colleagues I get on with, some more than others. I also have my wife and our kids.



adromedanblackhole
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01 Oct 2020, 1:43 am

Pepe wrote:
Sociopaths and psychopaths *enjoy* mindducking vulnerable people.
I am talking from personal experience. 8O

Ah yes don't I know. I suspect plenty an Aspie has encountered a statistically significant amount of malevolent personalities. Narcissists, Machiavellians, psychopaths, sociopaths and such. Given these people make up roughly 5% of the population, the average person has very little odds of meeting them and if they do they will likely get passed by.

I have worked for and with a significant amount of dark triad personalities. Leaves a person with lingering doubts about the basic goodness of mankind. They actually make me very sad for them that their hearts have calloused over so thoroughly and that they approach the world like a rabid animal whose primary and maybe even sole motivator is their own self interest.

I don't outwardly project a vulnerable image per se, but there is definitely a difference people notice from a far. I would say my standards for friendship depend on trust and mutual vulnerability but in terms of the face I show the world, vulnerable would not be my first word choice.



adromedanblackhole
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01 Oct 2020, 1:57 am

I feel like I can blend well enough with the general population. It's just a matter that when it comes to friendships I seek out a greater meaning of depth and understanding and this is not really the norm. Most people are content to have activity partners and fairly surface level interactions and that legitimately feels like an absolute waste of life.

So maybe Aspie's aren't necessarily bad at connecting, their standards for connection pierce through the banality and more shallow layers that plenty of people are content experiencing and they seek out connections of richer meaning to their lives?

I am fine to have one friend who I can feel completely safe, secure and comfortable completely unguarded than countless surface level connections with people who eh do they even care about you?



traven
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01 Oct 2020, 2:25 am

Summer_Twilight wrote:
For several years, I have associated with a friend who lives in the same complex because we appear to have some things in common. That being said, I have recently noticed a few things about this relationship.

1. He always wants to talk about his things
A. His 20 cats
B. The problems he is going through
C. What's going on in his own life

That's okay

Yet, if I talk about anything he will respond with
1. He never seems interested in what's going on in my own life. If I tell him, it's "I don't care."
2. He never seems to that interested in my cat. Instead, he picks on me about cleaning out her litter box and taking care of her.
3. He also seems to criticize me a lot. "You worry too much about what other people think about you, you're insecure."


In all honesty, I like him as I think he is a good person with good qualities, but I wonder if they friendship is even worth it.



like the hub,
im so stupid to be forgivefull,
you can't beat resentment that way

or i keep forgetting,
why??????????????????????????




o why, every day schedule, i say "goodmorning"
.....crickets....

he gets very angry toward me saying anything, or is it acting??
in compagny he plays that i'm incoherent, specially with french people,
latest; he was so used to disregarding, he did that automatically with dd too
(if i mumble say that, idk :shrug: :shrug: )




anyway.....its the same here
pattern :oops: 8)
everyday is ..........crickets