Struggling with severe depression

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I'm really struggling here with really severe depression since this damn COVID crisis started. I've always dealt with depression for as long as I can remember, but this situation has taken a difficult life for me and made it 100x worse. At least before I had support groups to go to, meetups, going to the gym, church, visiting family, etc. All that has been taken away. I live in California and everything is shut down. With everyone social distancing and acting super paranoid of catching COVID, I can't even make small talk with anyone when walking by. There's literally NOTHING to do. It's enough to drive me to drink. Some days I just panic. It makes me feel claustrophobic. 6 months now and no sign of this ending. I honestly have no idea how much longer I can tolerate this. Anyone else dealing with something even remotely similar?

I think I heard on the news that cases of depression are rising due to the pandemic lockdown. I’m so sorry your depression has gotten worse.

I find it helpful to open up more online sources. This forum is helpful. There are online support groups. Zoom meetings. Virtual church services.

Can you access any online supports?

I live in the middle of the U.S. and things are fairly close to normal. Schools are open. Stores are open. Churches are open. Gyms are open and even movie theaters. So I do not feel much stress. I just had major surgery two days ago to have my gallbladder removed. That had a little bit of stress. I had to be COVID tested before the surgery. So my experience is not the same as yours. But on the other hand I am 72 years old and a prime candidate for COVID.

So here are my recommendations but since you posted this in the Haven, I do not even know if you desire recommendations. So if you do not, then simply ignore the following.

This COVID pandemic is mild in comparisons to past pandemics like the Spanish Flu. At present the mortality rates are around 4 times that of the seasonal flu. And we have never shut down this country for a seasonal flu. The best advise is to get out as much as you can but take precautions. Outdoors is fairly safe. The wind and the breezes will dilute the viral load and the sun will kill the viruses. So spend a lot of time outdoors if you are able. Traveling in mass transit is not safe. Avoid it as much as possible and only travel in mass transit if you are wearing an N95 mask. Stores are in between, I generally wear my N95 and feel very safe in wandering about. N95s are reusable if you do not get them wet. They have been out of stock since the beginning of the pandemic but they are starting to show up now, so I recommend you buy a couple.

Stress is actually chemical in nature. Your body generates a cascade of hormones under stress. If these hormones are not vented, they are stored in primarily 6 areas of your body: your arms, your legs, your neck and your core. If stress build up too much it tends to overflow and turn into distress, such as depression. So the best approach is to vent the stress.

One of the regions that stores stress energy is your neck. One needs to vent the stored stress energy in their neck muscles, vocal cords, and jaw. The best way is to scream at the top of your lungs several times. But this must be done in a socially acceptable manner. Never scream at a person. I live in the rural countryside and my dog is a free-range dog. When it is mealtime and my dog is up and about; I call my dog very loudly.

R-o-c-k-y. Come here puppy. R-o-c-k-y.
R-o-c-k-y. Where are you puppy? R-o-c-k-y.
R-o-c-k-y. Come here puppy.

I yell so loud that I can hear my voice being echoed back to me from nearby hills and mountains. My voice carries about a mile. The call is so strong that it borders on a roar. It is a very good feeling. It gives me a sense of great strength, like I could split a mountain in two just with my voice alone. I feel strong to my core. It is a great stress reliever or normalizer. And it is socially acceptable in the countryside.

One might try howling like a wolf at the moon. One of Wrong Planet members lives in New York City and howls at the subway cars as they pass by deep down in the subway stations. Another of our members lives in Chicago and performs live action performances where he grunt like an ape. They have found this relieves the stress buildup and helped to set them free. But there are other ways to scream in a socially acceptable manner. A singer can do this if it is a very powerful song. A barker in the county fair can do this. A fan at a rock concert can sing along at the top of their lungs. Some commuters sing along to the tune on the radio at the top of their lungs while they are driving down the road. A spectator at a sports event can do this in cheering on their team. Even a Girl Scout can practice barking in front of the local grocery store when she sells Girl Scout cookies. Or find yourself a soundproof room.

Again I mean no offense. I am sorry your depression has gotten worst. If these recommendations cause friction, then just ignore them. It is just in my nature as an Aspie to try and help people.

If you want you can even imagine that Rocky is your dog and try calling him very loudly. But if for some reason he shows up in your neck of the woods, please contact me so that I can retrieve him. He is a large dog. He is a Golden Retriever but he looks more like an Irish Setter. You should be able to recognize him because he has a very strange habit. He will approach you with something in his mouth, such as a stick. That is his way of telling you that he is not dangerous. He will not bite you because as you can see he has something already in his mouth.

I understand how you feel. In my country we were under very severe lockdown for three weeks from the end of March which was extended by two weeks. We weren't permitted to leave our premises unless for shopping for food and medicine - the only stores that remained open were supermarkets, food stores and pharmacies. After that, we had slightly lower level for another month. Finally we're going to the lowest level from tomorrow night. We can travel interprovincially and some international tourists might be permitted. But most churches and other large gatherings are still regulated - 50% capacity will be allowed. Gyms have reopened. Many people watch virtual church services. Let's be thankful we have the Internet and social media to fall back on. Not the same thing as actual contact yes, but we will get there.

It's been a very tough few months. Sometimes I'd just sit and cry. It was so hard to be patient, as I like to exercise. Even the beaches, parks and other open spaces were closed. It's been tough on most of us but we'll survive, as we are a resilient people. Most are not paranoid about the virus and we don't mask up when visiting close friends or family. They are compulsory in public however, such as all stores.

Now is the time you can get creative if you want to - do painting or writing - that's therapeutic. If its not your cuppa tea, there are many other hobbies to choose from = whatever makes you passionate. Even reading, depending on what you're interested in. Anything except the endless Covid hype and steer clear of politics!

I also miss the meetups - I have been the committee member responsible for arranging social outings for the local Autism youth in my city.

This too shall pass.