Dating Apps - are they worth the time and effort?

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Noam1515
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24 Sep 2020, 10:36 am

Hi everyone, sorry to bother you. I understand this might have been discussed here before, but I couldnt find any threads about exactly this subject. I hope you're okay with this thread.

Well, I wanted to ask you about the 2 basic options, between internet/virtual dating vs real life, especially during this coronavirus crisis, but also before the coronavirus existed.

Before it existed, I had the option of finding a girlfriend from my workplace, social gatherings / activities, dancing clubs, pubs, drinking establishments and so on. because of coronavirus, I have become unemployed and also dont get to be in much situations where I have a chance to meet young women at my age.

I tried dating sites in the past, but dating apps not so much. There are actually many dating apps available in my country, so I'm curious to find out if they're worth the time and effort.

Basically, here's what I need to know. I need to know, if even if I write really attractive or interesting messages to women on dating apps and sites - what are the chances? Because from my experience, most women just ignore or they fail to respond / read messages because of the huge competition going on.

Would you say my chances are significantly higher if I have good photos, write good things about myself and so on? Or even then, would you say. Finding a girlfriend through these dating apps and sites is a very difficult thing. Regardless of coronavirus - I'm just asking generally. Because Ive heard of people getting married through these things, but its a pretty rare thing and I have no idea how they've done it.

Thank you.



alex
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24 Sep 2020, 11:41 am

the apps that involve swiping right or clicking "like" waste somewhat less time because you only message with people who are at least somewhat interested in you. Still I wouldn't send a long or overly custom message to open because not everyone will respond.


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24 Sep 2020, 12:15 pm

Noam1515 wrote:
Hi everyone, sorry to bother you. I understand this might have been discussed here before, but I couldnt find any threads about exactly this subject. I hope you're okay with this thread.

Well, I wanted to ask you about the 2 basic options, between internet/virtual dating vs real life, especially during this coronavirus crisis, but also before the coronavirus existed.

Before it existed, I had the option of finding a girlfriend from my workplace, social gatherings / activities, dancing clubs, pubs, drinking establishments and so on. because of coronavirus, I have become unemployed and also dont get to be in much situations where I have a chance to meet young women at my age.

I tried dating sites in the past, but dating apps not so much. There are actually many dating apps available in my country, so I'm curious to find out if they're worth the time and effort.

Basically, here's what I need to know. I need to know, if even if I write really attractive or interesting messages to women on dating apps and sites - what are the chances? Because from my experience, most women just ignore or they fail to respond / read messages because of the huge competition going on.

Would you say my chances are significantly higher if I have good photos, write good things about myself and so on? Or even then, would you say. Finding a girlfriend through these dating apps and sites is a very difficult thing. Regardless of coronavirus - I'm just asking generally. Because Ive heard of people getting married through these things, but its a pretty rare thing and I have no idea how they've done it.

Thank you.


The vast majority of people on dating sites have no intention of ever meeting and just want to talk. A good way of getting a response is to read their profile and ask a question. Does their job sound new or weird? Do they have a dog and you think cats are the only way to go? Do they have a degree? If you ask them something specific or weird but light hearted the chances are they will respond.

As for meeting them you just need to ask them after a while of chatting. If they're always putting the subject of meeting off or go silent when th date approaches then they're time wasters.



cyberdad
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25 Sep 2020, 2:42 am

Noam1515 wrote:
Because from my experience, most women just ignore or they fail to respond / read messages because of the huge competition going on..


You have answered your own question. Decent NT Girls who use dating sites are as rare as hen's teeth.

My understanding is that hookup sites like tinder are more effective as there is a bigger ratio of girls who want no-strings attached sex.



Noam1515
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25 Sep 2020, 8:30 am

Quote:
the apps that involve swiping right or clicking "like" waste somewhat less time because you only message with people who are at least somewhat interested in you. Still I wouldn't send a long or overly custom message to open because not everyone will respond.

Honestly, I dont understand why that matters if at all. If I'm messaging a woman who she had registered on the dating app/site only to chat with other men without an intention to find a boyfriend, or atleast meet up for 1 time, then its a waste of time anyways, even if its a simple one that doesnt waste much time. And the problem is, there are many women like that from what I have encountered.

The length of the message doesnt matter, too. It can be extremely long and detailed, or very personal and attractive, or short and sweet. All methods wont work if the woman isn't serious about her intentions. I learned that the hard way.

As owner of this site, I thought you'd have a clue about what is the right way of using dating apps/sites for the purpose of finding a long-term girlfriend? You dont have to tell me, only if you want to of course.

Quote:
The vast majority of people on dating sites have no intention of ever meeting and just want to talk. A good way of getting a response is to read their profile and ask a question. Does their job sound new or weird? Do they have a dog and you think cats are the only way to go? Do they have a degree? If you ask them something specific or weird but light hearted the chances are they will respond.

As for meeting them you just need to ask them after a while of chatting. If they're always putting the subject of meeting off or go silent when th date approaches then they're time wasters.

I agree, if I try to ask her to meet up or arrange a date and she avoids talking about this subject, its a good sign she's a waste of time. Right? You experienced this yourself?



Muse933277
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25 Sep 2020, 11:24 am

It’s a good way to meet people if you’re good looking. The closer you are to society’s ideal of what’s considered attractive, the more success you will generally have. If you’re a good looking and fit white guy of at least average height, you’re good to go.

Problems start arising when your looks stray from the ideal. Obese guys, ugly guys, really short guys, or ethnic minorities might struggle with online dating because they’re less likely to get matches or responses from women. You get 3-4 photos plus a short bio to convince a woman to give you a shot so of course it’s going to be mostly about how you look.



Noam1515
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25 Sep 2020, 11:33 am

Muse933277 wrote:
It’s a good way to meet people if you’re good looking. The closer you are to society’s ideal of what’s considered attractive, the more success you will generally have. If you’re a good looking and fit white guy of at least average height, you’re good to go.

Problems start arising when your looks stray from the ideal. Obese guys, ugly guys, really short guys, or ethnic minorities might struggle with online dating because they’re less likely to get matches or responses from women. You get 3-4 photos plus a short bio to convince a woman to give you a shot so of course it’s going to be mostly about how you look.

I agree it mostly depends on how you look. But, would you say all women only look at the photos of men's profiles? Is that the only thing they care about, or the only thing they use to decide if this man is suitable to her or not?

If photos are what matters the most, I'd like to ask you a few questions. Also, anyone else can come here and answer these questions, not just you, if you have knowledge about this subject.

1. Is it okay to use selfies as photos, or only photos which someone else photograph me? Would you say selfies give a bad impression, or not necessarily?
2. Does smiling matter? Do I have to upload photos with smiling only, or using a combination of smiling and non-smiling photos might be better?
3. Standing or sitting in the photos? If that matters.
4. Photos from inside (like, at home), or outside (like, at work, park, street, shopping center)?
5. Photos with friends? Or ones that I am the only person appearing in them.
6. Photos from a distance? Or close up?
7. Photos with longer or shorter hair? Beard or shaved?

Thank you.



cyberdad
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25 Sep 2020, 10:58 pm

Muse933277 wrote:
It’s a good way to meet people if you’re good looking. The closer you are to society’s ideal of what’s considered attractive, the more success you will generally have. If you’re a good looking and fit white guy of at least average height, you’re good to go.

Problems start arising when your looks stray from the ideal. Obese guys, ugly guys, really short guys, or ethnic minorities might struggle with online dating because they’re less likely to get matches or responses from women. You get 3-4 photos plus a short bio to convince a woman to give you a shot so of course it’s going to be mostly about how you look.


Yes this is accurate.



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25 Sep 2020, 11:54 pm

Muse933277 wrote:
It’s a good way to meet people if you’re good looking. The closer you are to society’s ideal of what’s considered attractive, the more success you will generally have. If you’re a good looking and fit white guy of at least average height, you’re good to go.

Problems start arising when your looks stray from the ideal. Obese guys, ugly guys, really short guys, or ethnic minorities might struggle with online dating because they’re less likely to get matches or responses from women. You get 3-4 photos plus a short bio to convince a woman to give you a shot so of course it’s going to be mostly about how you look.


Overwhelmingly.
Looks first.
Personality second.

But that is basically the nature of the human beast in pretty much all situations, imo.
Blame the evolutionary process. 8)


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alex
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26 Sep 2020, 12:17 am

Get a professional photographer, preferably one that specifically does photos for dating sites.

No selfies no no no no no no (Unless you’re a professional photographer an dkmnow what you’re doing- but you aren’t and don’t.

For long term dating a lot of people chose OkCupid or hinge but people form long term relationships from any of the apps, even tinder. Get on them all and see what works best.


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cyberdad
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26 Sep 2020, 2:32 am

photoshop makes us all professional photographers but yeah......I can see the difference when you have somebody who understands the science of lighting, mood and shutter speed....



FeelLikeAnAlien
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06 Oct 2020, 6:37 am

I'm not interested in dating but wouldn't use a dating site even if I was
Online chatting websites to make friends/relationships are typically full of someone who want to take advantage of others



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06 Oct 2020, 6:42 am

FeelLikeAnAlien wrote:
I'm not interested in dating but wouldn't use a dating site even if I was
Online chatting websites to make friends/relationships are typically full of someone who want to take advantage of others


I'd never go on a dating site.
They revolve around "Romantic" relationship.
I'm into platonic ones.


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Laughter is the best medicine. Age-appropriate behaviour is an arbitrary NT social construct.
Don't tell me white lies. Gaslight me at your peril. Don't give me your bad attitude. Hypnosis, psychosis. Tomarto, tomayto. There are *4* lights. Honey badger.
If I'm so bad, pass me by. ;)


And one more thing,


"A stranger is a friend gang-stalker you haven't met yet." Humour is not meant to be taken seriously, yet many pervert its intent.
Truth may be inconvenient but it is never politically incorrect...The Oracle of Truth has spoken...8)


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17 Oct 2020, 6:58 pm

The majority of dating apps require a credit card to obtain full access.

Do you have a credit card that you can use?


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Noam1515
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29 Nov 2020, 3:28 am

Been a while guys.

So here's what happened. I registered on a few dating sites and dating apps, on my smartphone too. Like you stated, most of them required subscription and a payment fee for a premium membership. Without it I cant send messages to other women, so I had to pay for it.

I decided to take the 3 top dating sites and apps, so I have a higher chance of finding someone. I assumed the top 3 sites are probably the ones which have the largest amount of women to speak to, so I gave it a chance. Paid about 35$ for each site, for a 1 month premium membership. After that, I uploaded a few slightly modified photos, the best non-selfie ones I had on my phone and uploaded them to the 3 sites.

Then I started. I messaged mostly women younger than me, as I had a feeling older women wouldnt want to date with someone who's younger than her. This is where things started getting really disappointing guys, so keep reading.

I messaged up to 50 different women on these 3 dating sites, one was an app on my smartphone and the 2 others were normal dating sites. Out of 50, I got only 5 replies after 24 hours (I gave it some time since some might be offline or dont have time to respond immediately). 5 out of 50 was pretty disappointing, but I continued the conversation with most of them.

One disappeared in the middle of the conversation(no idea why), one said in the end she is no longer interested (without explaining why), one left her phone number and told me to send her a text message / whatsapp - but didnt answer since then. And, luckily, one said she was interested but she was looking for someone who was academic or has M.D. (or about to be, in a college). I was shocked.

As it appears to be, these dating apps and sites fail to bring any real, interesting and satisfying results. I'm not just disappointed, I'm also shocked I have messaged to that many women and none of them have arranged a date and most of them didnt even get back with me altogether.

Now with coronavirus spreading as well, its going to be even more difficult than I thought, to find a relationship. I cant believe it. I'm so pissed off and frustrated.



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29 Nov 2020, 4:27 am

It was worth a try. :wink:


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Laughter is the best medicine. Age-appropriate behaviour is an arbitrary NT social construct.
Don't tell me white lies. Gaslight me at your peril. Don't give me your bad attitude. Hypnosis, psychosis. Tomarto, tomayto. There are *4* lights. Honey badger.
If I'm so bad, pass me by. ;)


And one more thing,


"A stranger is a friend gang-stalker you haven't met yet." Humour is not meant to be taken seriously, yet many pervert its intent.
Truth may be inconvenient but it is never politically incorrect...The Oracle of Truth has spoken...8)


I luv KFC!