Childhood vs. Adulthood
25 Sep 2020, 4:07 pm
When I was growing up, I did as I was told. My parents were strict with me. I helped with the grocery shopping, walked and fed the dog, and helped clean the house. I was expected to work when I had free time in high school (actually, I started babysitting at age 12) and I worked every summer during college.
I helped my mother in the kitchen. I was expected to set the table every night and unload the dishwasher. I helped fold the laundry.
On weekends, I spent a lot of time with my parents. I tried to fit in with the cliques at school but only succeeded with one on one friendships. My mother wasn't like the other mothers. She worked full time all week long, as a flight attendant. She got up at 4:30 am every morning, and retired at age 40 after a breast cancer diagnosis. Then she worked in retail stores until her sixties. Most of the other moms were housewives. They wanted nothing to do with my mom. My mom's friends were other working mothers- teachers, human resources professionals, office assistants.
My father made a nice living, starting his insurance agency off the dining room table. He went door to door. He knew how to market himself and his product.
I grew up in their imposing shadow. I had dreams of my own.
But I couldn't become like them, because of ASD. I've spent 25 years going through jobs. Friends have been hard to find.
My parents are bitter and lonely. They're frustrated because things aren't going their way. They're emotionally abusive to me. I've been called a mistake. I've been told that I let them down. And worse, my peers in the community, people I thought might have my back, really don't. I don't see them. Dating has become really tough.
My parents had my back in childhood but that's over.
What do you do when you don't fit in with anyone? I can't afford to move out, and I just lost my 24th job. it's hard to sleep at night because I have no one to turn to.
I've thought about writing about my life. Would anyone care? It seems like I can't do anything without being followed and objectified. There are plenty of pretty & happily married career women out there. Are they getting hounded? No. They got to grow up and have families and homes. And if things don't go well, they have options, like divorce. I can't even keep a job. I never got a chance to have a family of my own. What does this world want from me? Am I always going to be the one who sucks up other people's misery????? Forgive me for having a soul. And please, don't compare me to an elderly person. People with ASD are as young and hip as everyone else. Stop the harassment. It's disgusting.
