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How many friends do you have?
I have absolutely no friends 29%  29%  [ 15 ]
Just my pets 13%  13%  [ 7 ]
I have 1-3 deep friendships with people I feel understand me 42%  42%  [ 22 ]
I have 3+ friendships with people I feel understand me 15%  15%  [ 8 ]
Total votes : 52

adromedanblackhole
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30 Sep 2020, 12:19 am

While it may seem like NT people have more friends, the reality is they just understand social codes for interaction better but still generally speaking are likely to have just a handful of true, legitimate friendships. They are better at masking their actual feelings about a person for the sake of social cohesion, but this does not mean they are actually friends with the people around them. I experience this as very draining, so I tend to avoid having groups of people that I am simply around for the sake of being around. You have probably also noticed that within groups people tend to pick out 1 or 2 people who they legitimately like and discuss the rest of the group with this one person, and then still participate in activities with the group because ... ??? I have absolutely no idea, it seems like a colossal waste of time to be around people you don't enjoy.

How many true, legitimate friends do you have? If it's more than 5 you are actually well above the average for the typical adult in America who may have plenty of social connections, but considerably less real friendships.



AuroraBorealisGazer
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30 Sep 2020, 12:39 am

Do spouses count as friends for the purposes of this discussion? I have a husband and cats. Technically I have 1 additional friend, but they live very far away and we only text infrequently.



alpacka
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30 Sep 2020, 8:55 am

Real or imaginary ones? :D


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adromedanblackhole
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30 Sep 2020, 10:19 am

AuroraBorealisGazer wrote:
Do spouses count as friends for the purposes of this discussion? I have a husband and cats. Technically I have 1 additional friend, but they live very far away and we only text infrequently.

Yes spouse definitely counts



adromedanblackhole
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30 Sep 2020, 2:36 pm

alpacka wrote:
Real or imaginary ones? :D

I am gauging by the emoticon this is a joke but I'm also not entirely sure.

Preferably real?



funeralxempire
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30 Sep 2020, 3:27 pm

adromedanblackhole wrote:
alpacka wrote:
Real or imaginary ones? :D

I am gauging by the emoticon this is a joke but I'm also not entirely sure.

Preferably real?


Well then, zero it is. 8)


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30 Sep 2020, 3:38 pm

Honestly I have no idea.

I have lots of people who are nice to me and it's back and forth.

True friends within my family only. As in can discuss anything.

I think there's no set way to ask for friends. I used to do it as a child and people (adults) thought that was sad. Even though there's nothing wrong with asking anything 'above' that so for eg asking someone out or proposing to someone. All I wanted to do was seal the friendship and make it official. So I'd ask other kids 'will you be my friend'. And they said 'yes'.

So the line between friend and nice mutual acquaintance is blurry.



The_Face_of_Boo
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30 Sep 2020, 3:48 pm

All adults lose friends after a certain age; and don't acquire new ones.


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30 Sep 2020, 4:10 pm

Close friends: 3

Fading friendships: 1

Regular Friends: 6

New friendships: 1 (I hope, anyway)


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adromedanblackhole
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30 Sep 2020, 4:12 pm

KT67 wrote:
Honestly I have no idea.

I have lots of people who are nice to me and it's back and forth.

True friends within my family only. As in can discuss anything.

I think there's no set way to ask for friends. I used to do it as a child and people (adults) thought that was sad. Even though there's nothing wrong with asking anything 'above' that so for eg asking someone out or proposing to someone. All I wanted to do was seal the friendship and make it official. So I'd ask other kids 'will you be my friend'. And they said 'yes'.

So the line between friend and nice mutual acquaintance is blurry.


I think this is actually the case for most people even NT people. I have heard NT people refer to someone as being their friend and then say some incredibly hurtful things behind their back etc.

I could very well be wrong but this is always what I've considered the main differentiator between myself and other people is unless I feel comfortable to cry in front of someone and trust they will just comfort me and not go on to say really cruel things about me afterward, and they would return that level of trust - ah, now we're talking friends.

The vast majority of "normal" people I know do not form friendships like this. It's mostly activity buddies and someone to talk about when they're with a different group of friends.



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30 Sep 2020, 4:23 pm

I chose the 1-3 option. I consider my ex SO (we're now in the process of splitting up but stil living together) a close friend who understands me. Depending on how things go, it might not stay that way.

Beyond that, I do have one person I talk to sometimes, that I would call a friend, but he doesn't much understand me. We have some things in common and appreciate the occasional company of the other. I do not feel I can confide in him though, it's not that type of interaction we have. More like neither of us have anyone else so we occasionally pester the other for socialization. I don't know if he'd bother with me if he had someone else. I'm not sure.

Most of my socialization is with family members, mostly one daughter and my father.

Does my dog count? He's totes my bff. :lol:



adromedanblackhole
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30 Sep 2020, 6:23 pm

FleaOfTheChill wrote:
I chose the 1-3 option. I consider my ex SO (we're now in the process of splitting up but stil living together) a close friend who understands me. Depending on how things go, it might not stay that way.

Beyond that, I do have one person I talk to sometimes, that I would call a friend, but he doesn't much understand me. We have some things in common and appreciate the occasional company of the other. I do not feel I can confide in him though, it's not that type of interaction we have. More like neither of us have anyone else so we occasionally pester the other for socialization. I don't know if he'd bother with me if he had someone else. I'm not sure.

Most of my socialization is with family members, mostly one daughter and my father.

Does my dog count? He's totes my bff. :lol:


Dog is absolutely man's best friend and like a soulmate. Mine passed away it's going on 2 years ago and I will still get an image of her in my mind and a sharp pain in my chest and if I'm alone I will cry like a goddamn baby.

Ah dogs, they just live to accept you



that1weirdgrrrl
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01 Oct 2020, 10:10 pm

I would say 6.....

Unless I am not allowed to count family. I do consider certain members of my family close friends though, and I know that isn't true for everyone.....

Edit: oh! If I get to count my dog, then it's 7 :heart:


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Steve1963
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02 Oct 2020, 5:14 am

If spouses count, then one. Do kids count?



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02 Oct 2020, 5:16 am

Define "Friend". 8)


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adromedanblackhole
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02 Oct 2020, 1:33 pm

Pepe wrote:
Define "Friend". 8)

30 Sep 2020, 4:12 pm
Gave my definition for what I consider to be a friend