Bullying

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I was bullied by my "friends" in childhood and simply found other kids to associate with. Nicer kids who weren't as vicious. Kids can be extremely vicious. Adults can, too, but that's a whole other discussion. Some people are leaders, some people are followers, and other people choose to think for themselves.

It seemed like no matter what I did, there were long periods when I just wasn't accepted. And, interestingly enough, other kids could see it, and they didn't get it, either.

Inner confidence comes from accomplishment and familial support, at any stage of life. I'm 45 now, and I'm this oddball that hasn't made strides in the workforce or in relationships. The strong always prey on the weak, and children and adults with ASD will always get the short end of the stick. I tried to defy the odds, and I lost.

I didn't fit in either.
I'm older than you, btw.

I was treated like crap every day between the ages of 6 and 17. After that, things got better.

I was bullied when I was in primary school, after I went to the special school I made friends there.

Bullying leaves deep scares buried deep inside a person that will remain there for the rest of their lives.

But it does also shape a person into what they might become. It is my belief that an Aspie if they mature properly can become a NONCONFORMIST.

The following are some quotes about nonconformists:

Here's to the crazy ones. The misfits. The rebels. The troublemakers. The round pegs in the square holes. The ones who see things differently. They're not fond of rules. And they have no respect for the status quo. You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them. About the only thing you can't do is ignore them. Because they change things. They push the human race forward. And while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius. Because the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world, are the ones who do. – Rob Siltanen: Apple, "Think Different" campaign

It gives me great pleasure indeed to see the stubbornness of an incorrigible nonconformist warmly acclaimed. - Albert Einstein

Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect. - Mark Twain

Our wretched species is so made that those who walk on the well-trodden path always throw stones at those who are showing a new road. - Voltaire

Not all those who wander are lost. - J.R.R. Tolkien

You have enemies? Good. That means you've stood up for something, sometime in your life. - Winston Churchill

Do not follow where the path may lead. Go, instead, where there is no path and leave a trail. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

A "normal" person is the sort of person that might be designed by a committee. You know, "Each person puts in a pretty color and it comes out gray." - Alan Sherman

The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe. If you try it, you will be lonely often, and sometimes frightened. But no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself. - Friedrich Nietzsche

The average man is a conformist, accepting miseries and disasters with the stoicism of a cow standing in the rain. - Colin Wilson

Freedom began on the day the first sheep wandered away from the herd. ― Marty Rubin

I was bullied a lot in grade school and middle school. During my middle school years, two teachers decided to join in believing that bullying was a good thing (not only for me, but also plenty of other misfits) and that I would never be able to speak for myself.

Like my NT sister, I was an early bloomer who attended an alternative school for my high school years. In terms of comparison, high school was somewhat better than grade school and middle school. However like grade and middle school, I (like some fellow misfits) was an outcast because of my desperation to fit in.

I submitted a "Never" vote because the last time I was bullied, I was in 1st grade. That was a very loooooooong time ago.

I was treated like crap from the age of four until the age of nineteen. Sometimes I tell myself that it still happens. .

People who treated me like crap when I was a child usually got away with it.  Now that I am an adult, those who treat me like crap usually end up losing their jobs, getting banned from social websites, or just generally become unpopular.

I was bullied as a child. At school and in the neighborhood.

It took me a long to realize other kids weren't targeted as much.

In early adulthood it tapered off...but I think kids who bullied me when we were children felt entitled to continue doing it when we were adults. I have moved away from them geographically and mentally.

Now I just have the usual frustrations with a world that is messed up.

I got bullied emotionally through high school. I was treated differently (as in double standards that were confusing), and made to feel like I was worthless. I was even told that my feelings don't matter and that I might as well not exist. All these remarks from other girls really hurt me inside and I suffered terrible low self-esteem and lacked confidence in myself. I was socially rejected, was often accused of "following people" when all I was trying to do was be their friend and not intentionally follow them. If I joined in small talk they just said "we wasn't talking to you", which I find is a form of social rejection. I was ignored, and one or two girls just hated me for no reason. I was never invited for sleepovers and no friends ever slept at my house (I was too scared to ask because of the fear of rejection). Girls played mind games with me, blamed their problems on me, didn't want to help me fit in, rejected me but at the same time didn't want me to make new friends either because they just wanted to see me on my own and suffering in silence. Yes, as soon as I did find myself a new friend, my old "friends" would jump in and tell the new friend lies about me to put them off me, and they'll make lies to me too about the new friend so that we don't become friends.

I was so stupid back then, I just let everyone destroy me and never stood up for myself or fought back. But it obviously built up over the years, because one day when I was 16 I lashed out at some random boy from my school for trying to sexually harass me on my way home from school. I was sick of being targeted and made to feel ridiculed, and I'd had enough of putting up with it for like 5 years, so I turned around and beat him (although I didn't really hurt him). But now, 14 years later, I am still regretting that I ever did that, but I just couldn't stop myself at the time. I had reached breaking point.

I have went through several periods of bullying in my lifetime. The absolute worst was junior high and high school. This involved all forms of violence that you can imagine. Verbal, physical, mental, etc. from both classmates and their helpers. Asking for help only made it worse. I still have some physical scars from that time (cuts and burn marks mostly). They remind me of the dark side of humanity when I look at them.

The later bullies were less violent and more cunning on their methods of mental torture. Just like them, I evolved my tactics to defend myself from those attacks. Unfortunately, doing so is not free. It has cost me my humanity in the process, as I got desensitized over time to many things. I have a very dark side that uses my anger for fuel. It is not something I am particularly proud of. I can forgive, but never forget what was done.

I still get bullied and will likely be bullied in some form until I die. Such is the hand of fate.

I was so disconnected from social understanding that I didn't even realize I was being bullied. I could not figure out why no one liked me.

But the real point here, desertwoman, is that 45 can feel very old and worn out, but as beady said, keep looking. It was just 20 years ago (aged 47) that I fell into the career that was made for me, so to speak. And it took another 8 years before I met someone with whom I could share a life and not just a bed.

Lots of hugs and I hope you can find some connection here to keep you going while you look for your path in life and/or it finds you by accident as mine did.

I'm going to be on disability, so I'm just trying to get through each day as best I can. I work occasionally, seasonal retail, substitute teaching.
I struggle a lot with my family. Therapists and friends of mine have all said they're bad news, but unfortunately I have to live with them until I have money to move out again.

Thanks for being supportive, it helps.