Long-distance relationships

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I am trying to figure out the concept of a long-distance relationship. Why would anyone want to be in a relationship with someone who is hundreds or thousands of miles away? I have had people on dating sites message me who are from a different state than me and from a different country. I also have complete strangers from different countries and states message me trying to make friends with me on Facebook. I'm not going to date or make friends with people online who live nowhere near me. I just ignore these people or block them. I know people who are in a long-distance relationship with someone in a different country who they have only met online. Why would you want to date or make friends with someone online who you will probably never meet in person? If you do end up arranging to meet, it would probably only be once and for a short time. Also, you can't always trust someone you meet online. They can lie about who they are or try to scam you out of money. I don't know why anyone would bother with a long-distance relationship. You must be desperate to want to be with someone who lives far away from you and whom you've only met online. I would not go out of my way to try to connect with somebody online who lives nowhere near me. It's one thing if you meet somebody when you travel and you make a connection with that person. If you've never met in person and there is a small chance that you will ever meet in person, I think it is a waste of time.

I agree with you 100%. I don’t understand the appeal either. It seems like a waste of time.

LDRs can work out depending on various factors including someone relocating & both of em taking the relationship seriously. The 3 girlfriends I had I met online, the latter two I met on this forum. I HATED being single & I struggled MAJORLY to get a girlfriend offline & online. I have a very hard time connecting & relating with others & I connect better with people online than offline sometimes. Most NT women would deem me a loser due to not having my sh!t together in life. It seemed like it would be better for me to try & get in relationships with others on the spectrum but us autistics are a small minority & I lived in an area with little autism awareness where even the experts thought of autism as a less sever form of mental retardation or of someone like Rain Man. I also HATED living with my parents but felt trapped living there cuz I cant really handle living alone & I didn't really have any other options. Meeting someone online & relocating seemed like my best option for finding someone. I was VERY willing to relocate & move in with both my exes & current girlfriend but things ended with both my exes before that happened. I did meet em thou. I met my current girlfriend on this forum over 8 & half years ago & we've been living together almost 8 years now. I moved from Louisiana to Vermont to be with her. She came down to Louisiana with her sister cuz her sis wanted to tour New Orleans & me & my parents lived an hour away from there. I went up to Vermont with them after two weeks, stayed about two weeks there & then went back home, & I made a couple other trips back up here before moving. We traveled by Greyhound which sux but it's cheaper than flying & we're not found of the idea of getting raped by the TSA. The trip last a couple days.

What works for you might not work for others, and vice versa.

My wife and I had a long-distance relationship over two continents for 5 years before we moved together. We've now been happily married for 4+ years and expect it to remain so until we're too old to walk.

It really depends on what your intentions are, what you are comfortable with, and what your aims and goals for such a relationship are, ultimately.

What works for one person doesn't necessarily work for another. Relationships have pros and cons, whether they are long distance or not.

Some people can handle a LDR.

I don't think I could, but everyone is different and has different needs/wants.

It's ridiculous, I refused to do LDR with a woman I dated in real life before.

Sometimes you have a regular-distance relationship. Then one of you gets admitted into the graduate program of your dreams, but it’s across the country. The other one has a job that won’t allow relocation. It’s a pretty great relationship, and doesn’t seem worth scuttling for a temporary period.

I agree with the OP and was pleasantly surprised to see that’s what this thread was about vs being pro ldr.

However, I can see other scenarios where people might seek a ldr.

Like maybe they’re attracted to a certain people or culture or accent/language etc and there aren’t any of those people in their area. Or maybe they want to (or are considering) relocate to a certain place and then end up chatting up people from there and hitting it off with someone before they move. Or, which I think is not uncommon, they want to gtfo of wherever they live and move to Canada or the USA so they desperately try to find anyone they can use for marriage to gain a travel visa/citizenship regardless of whether they’re actually attracted to them at all.

But I do think some happen organically. People get to know each other on a forum or a Facebook group or a video game and get to chatting then things just happen and they decide they’re in a ldr and eventually meet.

Others have mentioned other valid reasons - like moving for school/work/military deployment etc.

And yes, of course, MOST of the random foreign fb friend requests you get will be from scammers. They prey on lonely people to get them to send money to them. F that.

So, I guess there Are valid reasons for them.. but like the op, I personally see no really good reasons to prefer a ldr with all their drawbacks & pitfalls. For the most part a waste of time and energy for all involved - But - I’m sure there are exceptions and there will be people who are happily together after starting an online ldr and will sing their praises. I suppose for that reason I couldn’t ever 100% rule out having one if I ever were to be in a relationship, but I couldn’t imagine seeking one out.

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