"Odd" Conversations... (Not sure what title to use).

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My Mum notices that I do this. When I reply to threads I reply comparing my own experiences and talk about my own experiences. I am the same in conversation as well. If the conversation is on a subject I don't know or can't relate to I keep quiet, but in real life (Not on an internet forum) I can't do this if asked directly, so I tend to steer the conversation towards one of my special interests so I can compare and relate to the subject, and I will be waiting to see if my comparisson is similar to the other persons topic to see if I am "On track".
My Mum tells me off for turning subjects towards trains, cars or bicycles etc because it is not what is being talked about, and the other person seems a little... Uhmmm. Annoyed or upset? But anyway. It is my mechanism to enable a two way conversation to work.
My Mum thinks it is me "Talking about myself again" instead of talking about the other persons issues, but it is how I can relate to it.

Is this common with those of you who are on the spectrum or is it unusual? I mean, is it an autistic trait or is it something else? I am not sure if I have described it very well. It also ties in with going off on many tangents which I also use as a mechanism to avoid "Mind blank" which I can get if I talk directly. I don't always get mind blank if I talk directly but it can happen so I avoid being to direct if that makes any sense. (If I make a direct statement I congratulate myself in my brain and say "Yes! I've done it!").

Does anyone know what I am talking about? Can anyone relate? Anything to do with autism or is it something else? (Sorry if I have mentioned this before. I keep repeating questions from different angles so I can get a three dimentional understanding of what is going on. It is my way to think deep.

I think I can relate.

Not sure if it's an autistic way of thinking or not? I keep getting told 'this isn't autism, that isn't autism' etc so I'm being cautious.

It's interesting cos autistic people are stereotyped as being bad at analogies. But I tend to see analogies in everything and they all root around specialist interests.

Even combining specialist interests such as how I have a fan theory in my head that the two American presidents (president elect & president going to get kicked out) represent football teams

I seek out people with similar interests. This is best done online I think, esp when it's something unusual, or (when all this is over) I suggest you do it somewhere like a railway convention. Then people don't mind chatting about specialist interests.

My mum does it too. And she's NT. She will change the topic to talking about people she's interested in. It's really boring cos I don't know any of those people and only a few of them are 'characters' to any real extent where it's interesting hearing how they get out of stuff.

I don't think it actually counts as talking about yourself. You're talking about your interest. But it's worth making sure the other person is interested in that same thing too before doing it, esp since you're changing the topic.

I don't realize I am doing it until I get told off for doing it, and then I stop talking because I don't know "How" to talk without talking the way that I do. (Thank you for the reply. Much appreciated).

Observation tells me it's partially about intrusive and unregulated thoughts, and then some communication and EF issues.

The latter makes things confusing -- limited to terms an autistic can express and understand vs terms others would typically do.
Depending on the autistic how much this is a problem.

But the former -- the unregulated thoughts and obsessions, dictating the direction and tangent -- is the primary reason why autistics appear 'self absorbed'.
If you can surpass or see past through your personal obsessions, interpretations or ideas and reasons, you'd able to listen other else's and inquire without judgment.

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What is an EF issue?

I do tend to either not say a thing and am exceptionally quiet when I feel insecure, frightened or nurvous etc, or I talk and talk and talk when I am feeling happy and confident.

I do encourage meeting people who are into transport like you are either online or offline, though.

That way when you do it (esp if you can't help but do it and don't notice when you're doing it), they're unlikely to be bored by the conversation.

Puzzled maybe but not bored.

I find that 'boring' is such a subjective term. My best friends have interests in common with me, they're NT but can waffle on for hours about things I find interesting.

I call people I can "Relate" to who like to talk about the things I like "Normal people". It is the rest of the world that is crazy! Not many of us "Normal" people around.

When I used to be obsessed with these certain people I once knew, I would bring them up in almost every conversation I had. I was aware that I was doing it, it was more like an impulsive thing, or like a nagging itch.

I'm glad I don't have obsessions/special interests any more.

Talking about your experiences (unrelated to special interests) in a conversation is quite normal. Some people do it more than others. It doesn't make one self-absorbed unless you are completely uninterested in what the other person is saying and are only talking about yourself. But comparing your experiences to their's if they're relevant enough, isn't being self-absorbed.

Yes, steering people to your topic of interest is a usual autism behavior. And I also tend to share my experiences rather than trying to question the other person. It feels very natural for me to swap stories, so to speak, but I have also learnt that it is an autism thing. I have a hard time questioning others in social situations as I feel like I am prying. (When I conduct interviews, I do not have the problem because I understand the interview process.)

And yes, my wife says it is not good behavior and tries to correct me.

Yes. I agree.
Talking about your special interests is fairly normal for people with ASD.
Some people with ASD are more severe than others.

Also being tangential in speech is also a common trait,
as is being bad at or disliking small talk.

The Autistic brain tends to be more logical than empathetic.
People with ASD are also often overwhelmed with their own experiences in life, sensory or otherwise,
that it can be hard for us to not talk about ourselves.

This to others can appear that we are self absorbed, and i guess we are but due to having ASD
rather than being selfish.

As others have mentioned here, the intuitive natural ability to follow the normal flow of conversation in autistic individuals can be greatly impaired and this has nothing to do with IQ level, i know quiet a few people with ASD,
including people with Degrees in complex subjects such as law etc. but who also find it extremely hard to have normal conversations that don't go off on tangents towards guiding the conversation towards their own thoughts, however relevant to the conversation topic it may or may not be.

This is a major reason as to why we are classified as disabled and considered in some ways to be in a world of our own or from a different planet.

Some Autism Support groups run classes or regular workshops that help people with ASD practice their "normal" conversation.

I used to frequent one that used group news paper reading as a vehicle to practice 2 way conversation with each other.

This consists of a NT person taking the lead, sharing a number of daily tabloid papers with the members of the group.

Each member of the group is asked to pick an item of interest, whether it is a photo, picture, cartoon, article, advert, and asked to study it and use it as their subject to talk about, which the individual is asked to do and once the individual gives their basic overview of the item, the NT leader of the group then opens a debate with the other members of the group, asking people's opinions and comments, while at the same time monitoring the members of groups interactions to make sure that we all stay on topic and do not divert.

Yes, this is an activity that we all can do, all you need is at least one other person (ideally someone who is NT and who can police us when we go off topic), and guide us back to the chosen topic.

Perhaps you can ask your mum to do this with you.

May I also say that it is understandable for you to veer towards your topic of special interest, as after all, these areas are areas that you have in depth knowledge in and greater understanding than most people, so you are confident when speaking on topic, as it is a stable solid place for you to speak on, which is a great deal more stable and more stress free than other subjects that you know less about and may also not have much interest in (again this may be also to do with a lack of empathy that is common among us ASD sufferers, as i myself am included in).

Not sure I would like to have my conversations restrained. My Mum does that! I am going to read what you wrote again as I was multitasking. I am no good at multitasking at all! Haha.
(I multitask one thing at a time).

Ammended... (I can express my feelings a little better now).

I find I have a horrible feeling inside me if I am told I should try to be like a "Normal" person. I have tried and tried and tried and it ends in disaster! It is something that makes me stressed to try to "Fit in".