Most people judge amoral stuff

Post Reply New Topic

Putting it in the haven since it's bad for my social anxiety.

But it's still a fact.

Most people have at least one set of amoral stuff they will judge the hell out of people for.

Whether it's 'I only like clever people', 'I only like physically attractive people', 'I only like physically fit and healthy people', 'I only like cool people' or 'I only like edgy people'.

And the thing is, you can't do it all. And some of that is out of your control.

Even if you were the nicest, most moral person on the planet, someone would hate you for not living up to a standard they have.

I hate that it's like that.

True. The question is, do you need everyone to like you? Is it really that bad if someone hates you? As long as they don't try to harm you or the things you stand for, it's meaningless... right? People can't really control their feelings, including feelings of hate, but they can control how they act under the influence of those feelings.

Haters are still paying attention.

I don’t like it either. In my work I often hear judgments like that. Sometimes I ignore it. Other times with my clients I will try to gently lead into an appreciation of differences. Sometimes it works, over time.

I only dislike someone for a good reason (ie, if they are a jerk).

It scares me if someone hates me cos I don't know what they can do with that hate.

Also, it bothers me cos ok none of my family are going to hate me but there's a lot of pressure from 'autistic type personalities' in my family to be intelligent and 'proper' - my stepdad basically took my accent off me by praising me whenever I spoke posh as a kid - and a lot of pressure from more NT type people to be 'cool' and to be just like everyone else and pass milestones at certain times (like how my cousin got good grades, got a steady bf, got another steady bf after a quiet breakup, got a proper job, proper house, engaged etc...) and a lot of pressure from my dad to adhere to his religious standards ie no swearing, no horror movies, nothing sacrilegious like watching TV shows that have fictional afterlives in them. I'm never going to live up to all 3 of those things.

Only my mum and granddad are unjudgmental. My granddad is super blunt but he will only judge a***holes.

This bothers me too, but then again it's easy to agree with how bad it is when I've spent so much time as the judged one. Not sure what to do about it, so I try not to let it bother me. I just figure I've been judged and found wanting, more as a protective measure than anything. Probably most people don't even notice me.
The only important thing is that I'm "good enough for me" even if I don't meet the standards of mainstream society. And maybe it's just a sort of "universal fairness" in play, because DEFINITELY mainstream society falls below my personal standards in many ways. Equality through shared inadequacy? lol...

I can understand that. You need to develop some tools to protect yourself as well as identify and walk away from abusive people. Also, a lot of comments are thoughtless and are nothing more than words in the wind. Don't take everything literally--yes, I know, we are autistic and take everything literally.

I wish I could give you more specific advice. I am trying to figure this out as well.

This is probably not exactly what you are asking, but I find this a good article on self acceptance. This blog also has other posts that I find very useful:

https://musingsofanaspie.com/2015/01/14 ... -practice/