Something someone said...

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Was sitting at the table at my local soup kitchen with an older lady. She has a son with schizophrenia and he has to be on antipsychotic medication too. The kind he’s on doesn’t make him gain weight. He’s skinny as a rake, just like I used to be until they put me on an antipsychotic medication that basically makes you go from skinny to obese. I keep complaining to the people at the soup kitchen, that my medication is what is making me gain weight. I just want everyone to know that it’s the medication, and not that I’m over eating or pregnant or something. I think the older lady at the table was frustrated with me because I keep repeatedly saying my medication makes me fat. So she said in a snotty tone, “yeah well it’s not happening to my son!”

I keep hearing her say that in such a tone that is looking down on me. I keep hearing it in my head. Like what am I supposed to do, if this is the only medication that works for me, but it just happens to make me fat. I’m terrified to experiment with different antipsychotic medications, after what I went through on the first two, and after what I’ve read other people going through on various different medications. It just made me think she was being rude but I couldn’t help but take it personally. After all, I miss my body being the way it was when I had no health problems.

Do not listen to what others have said. Do not worry if you are fat or thin. Such things are meaningless. You are you and are a blessing as you are, ok?

Have you had a nice day? I did an unusual thing today. I stood in a river in my wellington boots in the rain with my umbrella. Not many people do that.

I used to do things like that until they put me on this medication. The stuff makes me wired and it's hard to concentrate. But I'm going to look into different types of meditation so that I can sometimes calm down and clear my mind. Ambient meditation music helps to clear my mind. But I'd like to know how to do it on my own without the aid of music playing.

what cleared my mind was strattera. absent that, running and swimming until i was exhausted did the trick.

The last thing I want to do is go on another drug. But I like the swimming idea.

Someone said something to me too.
I was diagnosed with lvl 2 autism as an adult. Now if feels like a constant battle with my closest family members. They’re always telling me that I’m milking my disability and look down on me when I try to express my struggles and where I need help to grow. They’re constantly shutting me down, making me feel even more like an outsider than I already am (I’m the agender free spirited artist amongst authoritarian military heads.)
They’ve called me so many names because of they’re lack of empath/ability to listen to the words coming out of my mouth. Then they’ll throw solutions at me like I’m something to ‘fix’.
P.S. I have an eating disorder so I can 100% relate to hearing the voices of others commenting on your body and criticizing your choices in a menacing tone.

Its funny my brother and I were rake thin up until our 30s. I recall we both got made fun off because we were so skinny. I dreamed of putting on weight and did weight lifting and ate like a horse.

We are both medium sized now in our 50s but its damn hard to lose the beer belly.

That the lady is obviously worried about her son. Her worries, may, or may, not including worries about him loosing too much weight (that might be a worry or not, but he is on head meds - so even if it isnt shes got enough to worry about about him probably). So what you heard was the "worry talking" if you get what I mean. Its not really about you. So just roll with it.

Anti-psychotics as well as most antidepressants make people put on weight.
This is fairly well known fact in medicine.

Occasionally such meds do not make a person put on weight.
Due to complex neurology, it is hard to ascertain why that is, i do not believe normal level doctors or psychiatrists know. To explain why such happens you would likely need an expert neurologist who can do tests on the people who are not putting on weight.

Otherwise its trial and error i am afraid.

Repetition can get on a person's nerves. Perhaps she just said something rude in order to shock you into not repeating the same thing again? Rather than because she meant anything deeper by it.

She probably got annoyed listening to you repeat the same thing over and over again. Did you ever consider that?