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Qbeez999
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24 Nov 2020, 1:23 pm

I have high functioning autism and still live with my 58 year old dad, and 2 brothers, one of whom has Asperger's, the other neurotypical. My dad recently said to no one in particular that when he dies he is selling the house. He didn't ask me how I felt and I was scared of sounding stupid if I asked if I'll be homeless. I became very stressed and sort of shut down which went unnoticed. This house has been my safe haven from the outside world and I cannot see how I'll cope if I lose it.



funeralxempire
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24 Nov 2020, 1:27 pm

I don't have any advice to offer, but I can empathize. If my parents passed away or downsized their house I might potentially be in a pretty bad place in terms of housing.



starkid
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24 Nov 2020, 1:35 pm

Just talk to your father about your concerns.

He can't sell the house after he dies anyways. If he dies suddenly, he won't be able to plan for his death. So you should get some clarification about his plans.



holymackerel
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24 Nov 2020, 1:47 pm

Where to go from here, highly depends on what country you live in. If I were you I would start doing research on help you can get to live independently. If you are not able to work, you will have to look into supported housing and benefits systems to help people like you.



Joe90
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24 Nov 2020, 2:24 pm

That is the thought that wakes me up in the middle of the night leaving me shaking with fear. Although I have always lived in security and stability, I still appreciate having a home and never take it for granted. I love the feeling of safety and security. I am not a nomad and I never will be.

I try to tell myself that there is support out there for people willing to want it. In a first world country like the UK I don't think the government has the right to force you out on to the streets if you're an honest hard worker but just can't afford your rent because your job doesn't pay much but you can't find a higher paying job. Then again, the UK is run by conservatives, who think that everyone is rich like them or are able to get rich overnight. But I do know that there is a lot of support choices, like citizens advice, solicitors, supported housing, and rent rebates and other services if you are really struggling.

But yeah, it still frightens me and words cannot express how TERRIFIED homelessness makes me feel.


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25 Nov 2020, 6:06 am

Speak to your Dad first about it. He could very well be very understanding of your concerns. Secondly speak to a lawyer specialising in property. There are probably ways of making yourself very difficult to remove from that house. Could paying your Dad a small amount each month legally make you a tenant even without any contract? How about singing a percentage of the house over to you and your siblings? There might even be tax benefits in doing that AND the benefit you have a stake in the house.

Ask these types of questions to a lawyer or even a tax specialist. There are probably ways to get around this problem if you ask them.



madbutnotmad
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25 Nov 2020, 6:21 am

I recommend that you interface with support services, if there are any in your country and perhaps try and get their advice.

They would be best to advise you on such matters, and may be able to help you set up something that will commence shortly after you father dies.

It may be an idea, to try and sort out housing through such services before your dad dies.
You dad may live for many more years, having your own place however may be beneficial anyway.
Good luck.



Fireblossom
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25 Nov 2020, 6:38 am

Would it be possible of him to sell it to you when he wants to sell? At least in some countries, parents are allowed to sell a house to their children way below market price without any problems with taxes or anything.



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25 Nov 2020, 12:23 pm

Fireblossom wrote:
Would it be possible of him to sell it to you when he wants to sell? At least in some countries, parents are allowed to sell a house to their children way below market price without any problems with taxes or anything.



No need to sell it really. Just a change over of the title deeds might do the trick. Something very similar happened to me a few months back. I "bought" a house to let when I was 20 in 2011 and my parents "bought" it for me. Basically I gave them my savings for the deposit and they had the mortgage in their name because I was too young for a mortgage in my name. I paid the mortgage off myself a few years later.

In March this year the deeds where put in my name. It cost about 350 quid and that was it. My parents avoided capital gains for the "disposal" of the house as the gain was below the threshold and I avoided stamp duty as no money changed hands. Even with a second house and the much less generous tax exemptions we still paid nothing to completely transfer a house from one person to another.

The OP should speak to a solicitor. The second I spotted his post "solicitor" was the first thought in my head. Changing the deeds over seems far simpler and much less expensive than selling a house and ensures a stake in it. The devil is in the detail with things like this. From past experience I've learned that parents rarely know best.

Perhaps it might be worth he OP saving up ready for paying off his siblings share of the house or perhaps they can all make use of the house themselves? Many options might open up if he's told what his possibilities are.



Star88
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25 Nov 2020, 12:50 pm

I've been homeless. There are plenty of homeless people who work. At the end of the day housing yourself is your responsibility. Get a job. Build up savings. Get insurance.

Just because you have AS doesn't mean you aren't responsible for your own life. If you are over 18 and not in education, or over 21 then you have no right to expect your parents to look after you. You are a grown up and the world doesn't owe you anything.



kraftiekortie
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25 Nov 2020, 3:12 pm

It’s not that simple....

OP: how is your relationship with your father? If it’s decent, I’d ask him about his plans for the house, while also speaking of your concerns.



League_Girl
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25 Nov 2020, 4:42 pm

Quote:
Then again, the UK is run by conservatives, who think that everyone is rich like them or are able to get rich overnight. But I do know that there is a lot of support choices, like citizens advice, solicitors, supported housing, and rent rebates and other services if you are really struggling.


Conservatives must mean something different in the UK because you guys have the NHS and the council housing. Being poor there seems better than being poor in the US. I also found you can make more on benefits than you do when you work so that makes me think the wages there are too low and they need to raise them if they want poor people to work.

Who wants to work if they will just be poorer because they will be getting less?


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25 Nov 2020, 4:58 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
It’s not that simple....
I don't have any answers but I think there is another complication that has been ignored: she has siblings.


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kraftiekortie
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25 Nov 2020, 7:06 pm

Benefits actually suck in the UK. The national pension sucks.

What may be good is the free council housing, which is sometimes not that bad. And the NHS.



kitesandtrainsandcats
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25 Nov 2020, 7:12 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
It’s not that simple....
Truth.

"All you have to do is do this, and do this, and do this" looks great in print.
Actual real life is less black and white.
A lot less.


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25 Nov 2020, 7:15 pm

I understand. My home is my refuge too and the most important thing in my life.

There are some good suggestions here. Talking to your father or siblings would be a start and would be a good way to start taking responsibility for your life.

Is it the house itself that means something to you, or is it just fear of homelessness? What you decide to do depends on that.


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