SURVEY To Male Aspies, What Do You Seek in a Partner?

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I am an avid reader...In recent times, i added to my collection THE COMPLETE GUIDE TO ASPERGER'S SYNDROME...Please allow me to direct your attention to pages 316-318, wherein Dr. Attwood explains the attraction between a male Aspie and a neuro-typical female...(I was pleasantly surprised that i fit said stereotype )...

According to Dr. Attwood, whether male Aspies know this or not, they are looking for a female partner to compensate for their social and emotional limitations...And so, they tend to feel attracted to females with strong social skills and who are very empathetic, compassionate, and emotionally intelligent...They are also inclined towards motherly figures and someone who acts like their executive secretary...

Modesty aside, I think that i am all of the above-mentioned ...For many years i was "Ms. Popular"...In my mature years, i discovered that i was born with the gift of emotional intelligence...I have been told that i speak with a motherly tone of voice...I do tend to be very caring and protective of my loved ones...And interestingly, my beloved Aspie husband calls me his "secretary"...

I wanted to believe that the dynamics of my neuro-diverse marriage are unique (Just kidding )

Anyhow, the above stereotype is based on Dr. Attwood's medical practice, specializing in neuro-diverse marriages...His findings are limited to couples who sought professional help...But a question remains: How many more couples did not make it to marriage counseling???...And so, they were not part of this study...We will never know if those partners fit the above description...

Perhaps, the attraction dynamics of my neuro-diverse marriage are not so typical...Perhaps, those of us who seek marriage counseling are actually the exception--NOT the rule...

What do you all think???...Feel free to participate in this survey and feel free to elaborate...Thank you in advance...

My ex first approached me as a prospective business partner. I have had over a dozen relationships, all initiated by the woman thinking she saw what she wanted. I'm pretty easy going and open to people, so I didn't put up a fuss, but neither did I really change. The ones I tried to initiate were few and went nowhere, but I was attracted by kindness, intelligence, and common values. I definitely need a social secretary or some such assistance. A rather high percentage of my friends, male and female, have been teachers. I'm a dropout, but also a very good teacher when pressed.

I met my wife in 1990 and was married in 1993. It was her empathy toward me that was the thing that attracted me to her and allowed us to have such a wonderful relationship. I, for my part, am really good at directions.

I would be curious to find out how many aspie males prefer a aspie female. As a aspie female I am curious. And yes, I know no two aspies are alike. But hearing perspectives is also interesting.

I think you're going to find the opposite - we don't need another mother, we want to handle our business/finances ourselves, and we don't need to be dragged into social situations. We do need someone to provide emotional support and guidance and fill in our blanks without controlling.

Respectfully, I can't contain these kind of questions in a survey or some acronym.

I don't really see the world in these terms & I wish I could say more coherently.

Odd, because of the 18 votes cast (including mine), no one has chosen "secretary" Either you didn't vote, or what you're saying belongs under the category of social skills.

Despite executive functioning problems, I don't believe the average Aspie male puts "secretary" high on the list, or is really that concerned with his girlfriend managing his paperwork as top priority in finding a partner. Plus, most secretaries exist to catalog and schedule a man's social calendar (people that are seeking him out). I don't think anyone is looking for a secretary.

I'm fine with paperwork, but I can only handle about one 'phone call to a business per day.

My wife and I are both on the spectrum. She's also my best friend. We get each other on a level I've never experienced with anyone else.

Intelligence (logic), empathy, attraction I selected.

Warm, still breathing.

Preferrably oxygen I assume.

So long as that's appropriate for her biology.

My thoughts are currently based on several years back having my 60 to 70-something parents meet my psychologist.
After the meeting Bonnie said that Mom is totally Aspie. She had suspected it would be Dad, but no, totally Mom.

And then my brain put that together with how I just wasn't satisfied with what I only know to call 'the culture' of teen, 20-something, 30-something, 40-something, girls and women.

My observations at the time were that they were far, far, more, exponentially more, gossipy and soap-opera than Mom was: she was intelligent, she was interesting and did and talked about interesting things, and got done what needed to be done without any fanfare or drama. Mom could fly planes and she had been a scholarship winning cook. She could sew quilts and rebuild clothes dryers. I got sick a lot as a child and she cared for me without being overbearing or overly 'helicopter'. Mom made, & I'm going to say she did so without consciously trying, our home a place which our friends from troubled homes would come hang out for a while for peace and understanding.

(and she could do funny things like tell my brother, "You need to slow down on the Halloween candy, you are eating too many sweets, sugar.)

The girls and women I encountered in my life out in the world on the other hand seemed so shallow and superficial, commercialized, even. I didn't have the data in those decades but my undiagnosed autistic self was comparing what I didn't know were NT girls and women to my undiagnosed aspie Mom and I was baffled as to why the NTs were unappealingly different.

Later in my adult life I did get married and it ended badly. Among other things it turned out that just simply living with another person generated very high levels of stress in me all day every day.
As much as I like the idea of being married it turns out that it may be quite smart to not do that again.
Oh well, such is life.

I have always preferred aspie women.
My second GF was an aspie, even though she didn't know it.

I was very protective of her.
She was attacked mercilessly by NT gang-stalkers.

There should be a "none of the above" alternative, since I don't feel any of the alternatives are particularly relevant for what I want in a female.

True, but I suspect that the emotional intelligence & compassion alternatives have more to do with talking about feelings and all that stuff, and I don't want a partner that is into that stuff.