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Neuro_Anomaly892
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Joined: 21 Dec 2020
Age: 31
Gender: Male
Posts: 4
Location: WA State

13 Jan 2021, 4:06 pm

Hello All:

This question relates to dating on the spectrum, specifically dating someone who is most likely neurotypical.

I recently started talking to a girl online through a popular dating site. After a fair amount of discussion with her, she gave me her number, also she was the one who initiated the conversation. I view both of these as potential positives, but that is to be determined pending the outcome of everything. Anyways, I have been talking to her for about 2 weeks, and feel quite comfortable speaking with her. I have grown accustomed to a quite frequent amount of ghosting from females, based on one reason or another, and this girl has shown me a level of respect that I have not encountered yet. Getting to the heart of the matter, there are a few concerns on my side I will address below:

1. When, where and how would be an appropriate time to tell this girl I am on the spectrum?? I have made the mistake in the past of being way too forthcoming with information, which has gotten me in trouble. I have withheld any mention of being on the spectrum until I have a chance to sort out when it it appropriate to discuss it with her
2. As it has been with quite a few women, I have made several mistakes socially that I'm fairly sure that contributed to a proper ghosting. They include: saying things that they perceive as "odd" or "offensive", showing a degree of attachment early on along with maybe a mild degree of desperation, there may be more, but I can already feel myself getting caught in the trap of getting attached and emotionally connected to this girl, and I'm terrified I'm going to do or say something to push her away, I have paid particular attention to my words so far to not indicate desperation, the length of time I have been single (6 years), attachment, desperation, or any "turn-offs"

Just to re-cap, I want to know the best time, place, and situation to share with her this important part of my life, and along with that I would like some advice on protecting myself emotionally.

Thank you



madbutnotmad
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13 Jan 2021, 4:16 pm

I would say just be yourself
don't have to tell her about ASD, i would wait till you suss her out.
See what type of person she is, ideally over time.


although in some cases divulging that you have ASD can help (if the person is kind caring type, which generally is good)

in some cases it is bad (as some then judge you, and some start to treat you like your a 5 year old. My ex-wife did this to me even though I am better educated than her, and have a higher IQ. Having someone being condescending towards you and some times controlling isn't fun. I later realised that it wasn't just me that she talked down to, i think she generally talks down to people. I think its cause she has an inferiority complex, so pretending to be superior makes her feel superior when in reality, underneath she knows shes not and just a trickster trying to fool the world by getting everyone to play her game and believe her fantasies).

So up to you dude
if she is decent, and genuinely likes you, you should be OK. Try not to overthink it.
Also, have no shame in asking her out or allowing her to ask you out.

I have missed out in the past, when i was asked out by a beautiful woman, because i was thinking of others too much.
Incidentally the person who i was thinking of to include, was someone who is extremely selfish and nasty, so it was a really stupid thing for me to do.

Sometimes it is OK to think of your own happiness without worrying about the rest of the world.



timf
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14 Jan 2021, 8:55 am

The use of language assumes that each person has the same definition for the words that are used. I would not mention Autism or any other label as they are so poorly defined and likely to cause a misunderstanding.

Rather, you can describe yourself as a little odd. You can mention that you often take a slower more analytical approach to situations and you can be less spontaneous than others.

You might find greater understanding if you avoid labels and stick with descriptors.