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Greetings and salutations.
I’m the person currently known as Penelopurple. I’m 47 and mostly functional.

I’ve known about this place for a few years, but it just occurred to me recently that it might be somewhere I could find other people I might relate well to, people who think in unique ways, who think and perceive intensely. It’s been a while since I’ve hung out with anyone who ENJOYED my weirdness. (For some reason, they were easier to find in the people-packed places where I went to school. Since college ended, I’ve been a little lost at sea.)

My boyfriend of ten years is annoyed by my weirdness. He’s kind of awesome but also has some thorns that scratch me sometimes. He’s moving in a few weeks, to a job that’s thousands of miles away, out of this stifling city that we both want to leave.... but I’m stuck here for now. I plan to spend the coming weeks appreciating his friendship and wishing him well.

Back to my weirdness:
I’ve suspected for years, starting when my daughter was diagnosed, that I might be autistic, or on the spectrum. I didn’t really think about it much until lately, as my daughters have gotten older, and we all seem to all be slightly dysfunctional, but creative, in similar (but so unique!) ways. I think we might all three be autistic. It would explain a lot of things.

When I was a small child I used to lie in my bed at night wishing as hard as I could to just BE someone else. Because being me in the world was so hard sometimes, and all the people around me seemed to glide through the world. Talking to people, acting “normal,” making jokes...it felt like other people spoke a different language, lived in a different kind of reality than me, experienced emotions differently.
Over time I’ve taught myself a lot of social skills.

When I sat down to write this intro, the first thing that popped into my mind and onto the page was a little poem. It seemed cheesy and unworthy and I was about to delete it, but there’s something I like about it, and I think I made it a little better than it was at first. So here’s my bad poetry, perhaps as lovely as an ugly Christmas sweater.
——————-
I live on a lonely island planet
Holding my little bottle of me.

Messages mangled
On torn purple paper

I open my hand
And it rolls out to sea.

Green glass bottle
Bounces in the water,
Lurching dancer in dark choppy waves.

It Sparkles and sighs
Its moody goodbye

Wandering, wondering
Who will I save?

————————-
I have a fluctuating flow of intensely favorite things. Recently/currently, they are

Notebooks and journals
Small, helpful lights
Sweaters
Clocks
Purple
Alliteration and metaphor

There are also things I have fixated on in the past that I now remember fondly.
Former fixations.

I make my pittance at home proofreading and teaching online.
My hardest job is being a parent; I have two teenage daughters, one who is trans/Aspie and one who I think is Autistic. I’ve learned that parenting is an intensely social activity, and perhaps why it’s been so difficult for me. But I do my best and try to be okay with that.

So....hello and goodbye to whoever has read this all the way to the end!

P.S.
Thank you, wrongplanet, for existing.
~

To me "weirdness" means doing things differently which is no crime. Normal is overrated. The only thing going for normal is it's safe and inoffensive, which isn't very interesting. Nice to find another purple lover. Dioxazine (a purple pigment) is my favorite paint colour. I'm kind of obsessed with it and have done a number of monochrome paintings with it creating worlds in different shades of purple.

Weirdness is practiced to a fine art in this place. Welcome to the family.

Thanks for the warm welcome!

I feel so hopeful that I've found a place where I can express the things that nobody else seems to understand.

I've only recently begun to understand and explore the connection between my atypical brain and my creativity.

One recent event that was exciting and inspiring at the same time: I recently learned from published brain-imaging research that in at least one area of neurological function, scientists found that "normal" people have one standard, common structure (which can have its advantages. but is not very exciting) while autistic brains were not only different from the norm, but all different from each other too!

I think of it like this:

NORMAL
AAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAA

ATYPICAL:
B C D E F G L M N O P ..... and so on: an infinite alphabet of unique minds.

I used to think I was a "square peg in a round hole" but realized in the last few years that I am more like a unique irregular polygon.

That explains why my teenage autistic daughter and I are so different from each other, but sort of different from other people in the same ways, if that makes sense. She was almost offended when I told her a few months ago that I thought I was probably autistic. Her argument was that she and I are very different, so I couldn't be autistic. She thought I was just trying to be cool, lol. I've also worked hard to teach myself a lot of social and communication skills over the years, so that probably makes me seem more like a normie to her.

I'm starting to let go of the subconscious shame I've felt since I was young, the shame I've absorbed from the people around me who were disapproving about my issues, or thought I was just not trying hard enough. Writing is my main creative outlet that lifts me up mentally to let go of those heavy feelings. Sometimes it feels like there are words and ideas bubbling up in my mind that insist upon being written down.

I also love drawing and painting, although the spatial/physical organization of messy tools is a part of painting that is a challenge for me. I took an oil painting class with a friend once, and she used just a little bit of her paper towel roll, but I always ended up using my entire roll and asking her to borrow some. My brain seems to have an atypical perception of the physical organization of objects around me and how to interact with them. That's probably why driving a car was initially so baffling to me. All the lights and lanes and signs and cars moving in all different directions were terrifying for a while when I first started learning.

Welcome to Wrong Planet!

Hello and welcome.

Welcome to WP! I think you will find some nice people here.

And I am sorry to hear about your boyfriend moving away. Whether you two are planning to really split or to not split but just be physically separate, it is likely uncomfortable. The nice folk on WP might provide some diversion for you.

Welcome friend. I like purple as well, but my favourite colour is blue.

welcome

Hello Penelopurple
Welcome to here
People here are generally very welcoming and helpful
and here to learn and interact

just out of interest
you may like to know that in modern day terms
people now refer to Autism differently to the past

The label "Autism" usually now refers to what other wise is referred to as "classic autism", i.e. Autism with intellectual disability. Which i am sure you do not have.

The old labels for people who have Autism Spectrum Disorder without intellectual disability was Asperger Syndrome.
Many of us still like to be called people with Asperger Syndrome or "aspies", I guess because it does distinguish us from people who have classic Autism (no offence to anyone with classic autism, but if you do not have it, you do not have it).

I believe the modern term is now Autism Spectrum Disorder, however, some people still do not really understand the difference in the more up to date definition.

You sound like a very creative person, which i think is very cool.
I try to be, when i am awake at least (although not really aware as to what i try to do when asleep)...
I am a creative. Originally went to Art college when i was younger.

Although if i were honest with you, i don't think my art work was that great. Perhaps just needed real development and organisation, something that i lacked at the time.

With regards to your daughter and your suspicion that you also have ASD.
Well, the scientists / doctors do say that ASD is a genetically inherited condition.

So your daughters ASD has to come from somewhere?
Anyway, welcome.
And nice to see such a nice photo. So many of us don't show photos of ourselves
too self conscious and shy or perhaps not very photogenic.

Welcome to Wrong Planet!

YAY another one boards the bus

Welcome to WP!