When you HAVE to ask a question but someone else is talking.

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Hi,
So, I would like to ask what you do in the following situation (if you experience anything similar) when someone else is talking and you really want to add something or ask a question. You know you shouldn't interrupt because the other person is still talking - but you feel as if you are going to burst if you don't say what you have to say and you start worrying about forgetting what you were going to say/ask and can't focus on what the other person is saying?

If your question is related to what the other person is saying, it isn't actually that inappropriate to interrupt to ask the question, as I see NTs do it to each other all the time during conversations. If you don't feel right doing it, you could say ''sorry'' just before asking the question. Not in an apologetic context but in a ''I know I'm interrupting but I need to ask this'' context.
(I know what different tones of voice mean when I hear them but I find it hard to explain in words).

Yeah or you could just wait.

I notice this is a lot of a power game with NTs. NTs will accuse those who they don't respect of 'interrupting' and will continue to do this until they learn the person won't listen. Then they will respect the person's confidence.

So when there's no obvious hierarchy, feel free to up yourself a notch or two through interruption if it is interesting and relevant.

If for eg you are a student in a classroom and the lecturer is talking, wait til the lecturer shuts up then raise your hand and ask the question.

One thing I find useful for this is taking notes so you don't lose track of what is said.

If it is an obvious need it's ok to 'sign' (not real ASL/BSL just makeshift signs) your need. For eg, if you need to get the door, point towards the door then go to it if they nod. Or the same with emergency phone calls. Or if you need to make a 'call of nature', just run on the spot & point at the toilets.

It is even ok to say 'sorry, I need to make this brief' if for eg (in before times/after covid) you need to get somewhere on time. If you knew this beforehand, it's polite to say as soon as you two meet though so for eg if someone has kids, they will say 'I can stay for an hour or so but then I have to pick the kids up from school' right at the start. If you're in a 2 and know the other person well, they might offer to 'come with' then you have the rest of the conversation in the car.

I find this difficult to figure out too. Sometimes it seems the other person has finished but just as I begin asking they talk again, so I feel bad and apologise. Other times I wait until they are finished, but by that time they have moved onto something else and it’s like I’m bringing something up that’s irrelevant. I guess the idea of interrupting anyway but in a polite manner would be the most promising way?

I'm still trying to figure out what to do, and it gives me so much anxiety I honestly sometimes become sort of mute and can't ask my question when I try to. lol

Lately I've been trying to wait until they stop for a moment, like to collect their thoughts, and then I'll interject with a "Oh sorry, but I've been meaning to ask you..." and then I ask them my question. If it's really important or relates to what they're talking about, and after waiting a bit I notice they're starting to change topics/wont stop talking, I'll force myself to interject with the same thing. The timing is really hard though, and if I don't know someone well I wont do it because I don't want them to think I'm impatient.

I struggle with this on a daily basis.

As I hate being interrupted (it breaks my train of thought) I dont like to do it to other people. I really find it difficult to know when to interject though, so if its in a meeting I use my notepad to remind myself of what I was going to say in case I have to wait a long time till I get the timing right.

I cant do that in 'conversation' or more informal exchanged though so often interrupt at inappropriate times especially when I am not reading the other person or people right. I dont always know when I have got it wrong but when I do, I say sorry and that seems to smooth things over quite well.

If only we could use the 'talking stick' method.