Anyone else have a narcissist mom?

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I think my mom for sure is narcissistic PD, I love her, she is my mother and she has really tried her best in a lot of ways. But well she err seems like a classic case of narcissism but the more I see the more it seems she doesn't even recognize half her problematic behaviors. I just don't know how to tell her, LIke I have autism and that means I have to give some extra effort to get on with the more normally people. So idk maybe I could present it as just like I have autism that makes it hard for me to recognize some things like maybe I could help her I know narcassism is different from autism, but from what I gather people with that can feel inadequate and out of place. So like I wonder if I could just present that she struggles with some things that cold be solved mostly I just don't know how she would react with her age that she may have narcissistic PD. So like I don't know to present such a thing to her but I also know it has caused her issues and I was glad to finally find out I had autism and that explained a lot of stuff. But my mom she was like ignored..she got married when she was 16 to like a 26 year old guy. And her parents just outright had her marry the dude, that was not my dad my dad was a person she got with later on. But yeah when my mom was 16 she married a 25 year old....that was not my dad like she got out of that relation and then met my dad after that. But good god she got married at 16 to a 25 year old. And well that was just fine in the era she grew up from what she says.

But so basically my grandparents where fine with my mom when she was in her early 20's but now they are all trumpers and my mom feels out of place from them. Still though I am proud of her she did vote biden and at least seems more reasonable thatn trumpy people. But she did tell me all her side of the family are all trumpy and that must be hard because these were her immediate family. But I was glad to know at least she has not fallen into that crap i was worried because she does get into new age sorta stuff but I guess not to the extent she'd outright deny science. She does seem too trust me that the pandemic is a big deal and you should wear a mask I think she thinks I am just always more knowledgeable about science. But all I do is read some reports from scientists and it is not that hard to give 10 dollars to help their cause.I subscribe to the Concerned Scientists and they seem pretty cool I got a couple bumper stickers from them that said 'Defend Science" or something like that and well I don't have a car of my own so I just stuck one of those Defend science stickers to a street light pole when I was walking home from the bus, its still there granted the red in the text has faded now. But still on that pole it says to defend science so I am happy that is still up. It was my little contribution against the blue line tapes the police were putting up around the area.

My stepmother who brought us up was narcissistic/sociopathic. She was extremely abusive towards all of her children. Manipulated us all against each other. She did whatever she wanted to do regardless of the consequences. She just didn't care about anyone. All she cared about was the game she was playing and winning.

I have no contact with her at all. These people do not change their ways. It doesn't matter if they were made that way because of abuse. You cannot feel sorry for them as they just use that for their own ends.

I don't know if your mother has Npd but if she has then she is more than likely beyond redemption.

Well my mom is not so abusive, like she did not abuse beyond what was acceptable in the 90's but she has very obvious traits of narcissism. And well some of what she has told me of her past is kinda messed up so like maybe she just got to be that way due to that. For sure I realize its likely beyond redemption but even so seems she has gotten better than since I was a kid. Like she is not all into church stuff like she used to be so that is good, but still she can be just as pushy with her yoga ideas and other eastern esque beliefs she has become interested in. Its like 'mom if you want to be a Buddhist or a Hindu I have no problem with that but actually do it'...lol. Quit just talking about it and trying to get everyone else into it, like if its what you like than you should do you and not worry of if anyone accepts it or whatever.

But also that is why I had us go to the zoo because even with the flaws, she's my mom and I wanted to do do something to show I still care about her and yeah seems the zoo was just the thing. But yeah I she'd probably get all upset if I bring up narcissistic PD. Like IDK knowing I had autism was helpful for me...but well autism is not a Personality Disorder so like I am not sure if its better to just like spend time with her and sorta just disregard that part....Or if I should tell her. But like she is old enough IDK how much she could actually change so like IDK if telling her I am concerned of that would be more helpful or harmful.

Sweetleaf, NPD is something that should only be diagnosed by someone with a LOT of training in the field of clinical psychology or psychiatry. How about if you just accept your mom as you find her, and concentrate on how the two of you interact as a dyad (pair of two people) rather than on what her disorder is.

If she does have NPD, she won't believe or accept you telling her. And if she doesn't, she will be hurt and offended if you label her like that.

It feels like you do have concern for her. I just want to suggest your approach might backfire.

This.

To me it is one thing to say you have traits of something. Or to question yourself about a diagnosis.

I have a thread questioning myself obviously. And I would say I have some traits of some personality disorders.

BUT...you can easily be wrong.

And tbh, I don’t much deal with psychiatrists without experience.

I have been a psych patient in some regards since childhood, so in my case I feel it can be complex so I make sure I look up whoever I am going to be seeing online. I don’t Doctor hop, but sometimes you have to change Doctors.

And that is ok.

My point with all of this is someone with a lot of experience and training would have to evaluate your mother.

It ultimately is up to you to evaluate if you want a relationship with her or not.

I've had to break all ties with my mother after suffering her narcissistic abuse for almost my entire life.
She conveniently 'forgets', or does not even recognise her own bad behaviour, and blames other people so that she can play at being the victim.
The only thing she ever talks about or cares about is herself and she'll only be 'nice' if it's for her own benefit.
Even when I was seriously ill she tried to make everything about herself by upscaling her own (imaginary) dramas.
She seriously needs help.

You are correct in that regard, I guess it would be more appropriate to say she has traits I certainly am in no position to diagnose anything. But yeah its probably better to just focus on our relationship and how we interact, because also its not really my responsibility to try to fix her issues that is her responsibility. And for sure it seems like she has done quite a lot of self improvement from when I was younger.

But yeah idk I kind of figured even if she does in fact really have that issue, it won't do any good to like confront her on it, and could even cause more harm than good.

I have a narcissistic mother, my problem is not so much limited to just dealing with her, but how to handle everyone else who I have to deal with who keeps shoving me back to dealing with her and refuses to understand that everyone, including parents, are prone to have mental issues. For example, I recently made plans to take a vacation behind her back then got stopped in the airport by the cops stationed there. I asked them to maybe consider calling a police officer in a neighboring county with whom I did some volunteer work with but they instead demanded my mother's phone number.

Dear Bravo5150,
I don’t understand your post.
You are an adult, why should you not vacation or travel as you wish?
Why should police be involved?
How would she know you were at an airport?

I had a narcissist father.
I had a loving empathic mum.
I learnt to read at two years old. Mum never bullied me into it but she was very very proud.
Dad on the other hand was jealous that his daughter was bright and being the narcissistic personality disorder he couldn’t bear it so he focused on my shortcomings my sensitivity and my inability to walk without falling down.
My mum gave me lots and lots of Validation because she thought I was bright.
Rather than listen to her I chose to listen to my father and I gave Up reading and ignored my mum when she tried to encourage me so I invalidated her.
My mum got fed up with me whining about my dad she thought his name calling was silly.
She could not coax me into using my talents because I was so focused on my dad‘s name-calling.
Dad treated her horribly.
Eventually my mother got sick of my whining on and on and on and over the years she started to behave like him violence drinking
Gaslighting manipulation abuse and all the other horrible narcissistic behaviour is including infantilises and.
Has I Of chosen to keep reading things would have been much more different because I don’t remember feeling loved and cherished by her and now it is the opposite.
I take responsibility for this.

Narcs are the worst type of person IMHO. As long as they are in your life you will never ever be happy. They suck you of anything good you have inside of you and they use you until you have nothing left to give and even then they keep on. They make you completely rely upon them.

They are disgusting, filthy animals and should be completely exhiled from the human race.

What I was trying to say is how often I try to get away but get pressured by others acting in some sort of professional capacity who try to use their position to coerce me into having something to do with my mother. I used the travel scenario as one example. Whether I explain the above situation with the cops demanding to call my mother when I specifically told them I prefer they call a cop at a different department that I work with or other scenarios, the bottom line is that everyone tries to railroad me into a bunch of crap about the importance of family and noone gives any thought to the idea that some people are too messed up to be parents. Everyone keeps pressuring me with the idea that my mother has good intentions then they ignore the fact that the path to hell is paved with good intentions.

I'm with Sylkat. What did you do to attract police attention? It's not normal that a person going into an airport is just randomly stopped by police who then ask for the person's mother's contact info & won't let the person proceed further. Same in other situations... Unless you frequent the airport, the odds of anyone there even recognizing you would be slim, let alone knowing enough to stop you from proceeding further (as in, they wouldn't know your mother to know to stop you).

The police approached me because they were curious about the clothes I was wearing with a lot of pockets on them so I could wear instead of check some items I was traveling with. But that being beside the point when I said that if they needed to call someone, I preferred they call the cops I worked with who could vouch for the fact although I dress a little weird, I am harmless. But instead of calling the cops they demanded my mother's information.

Dear Bravo5150,
I understand now; I myself have all 4 pockets full when I wear Levi’s, and that’s all the time!
It does seem to me that they could have requested you to dump all of your pockets, verify the harmlessness of your ‘stuff’, and let you on the plane, but I guess these are paranoid times.
I wish that you had not had to go through that.
I suppose that you mother is not letting you forget the incident?

I'm getting along with my mother now.

But, objectively, I find her to be a narcissist.