Been having flashbacks as of late

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I posted a thread about this, in another forum a few months ago but I've been having a bad time with this. In my prior thread I started, I discussed my work issues. Now, I'm dealing with flashbacks of painful memories from my life in general. I'm 41 years old and there are a handful to say the least. Some of them happened a very long time ago, but once in awhile if I have a flashback it hurts like it was hours ago.

There were times I made such an ass of myself, someone tricked me into something, being bullied, treated like I was stupid or slow, and or had a meltdown in public. It's like I'm tied to a table, my arms, hands, legs, and head tied down. Then there is big TV screens on every wall and on the celling forcing me to watch all of it.

I know when one is coming on, I get embarrassed and think "Oh s--t! flashback!" . The thing is, I know it's in the past and it's over, some of the people it happened with are long gone. Some aren't. I can still feel everyone laughing or feel getting yelled out.

Growing up no one knew what to do with me, I got punished for having meltdowns and belittled for making a social gaffes. I got called a "Moron" one time by a family member, I'm still furious 20 some years later.

I need to this stop, how do some of you deal with all this?

I know how this feels.

Quite often I have vivid memories of something embarrassing or unpleasant happening from long ago - childhood, school etc. Despite some of these being 45 or more years ago its as thought they happened yesterday. The feelings of fear or shame seem just as powerful as they were at the time.

The other thing that happens is I when I go to bed I will re-run any unpleasant events that have happened during the day - its as though I am living though them again. This is often when I have misunderstood others and responded in the same way or an attempt at humour has gone wrong. The most common one is reliving stressful episodes of having to engage in 'chit chat' and small talk.

When this happens I try to make a conscious effort to think about and focus on one of my special interests or a TV programme / film Ive watched recently. If this doesnt work I try to do something like making a cup of tea and speaking a running commentary on what Im doing out loud. The other thing I do is open my display cabinet of scale Sci-Fi models and describe a particular one out loud.

Interesting ways to cope. I have to tell myself, it's in the past and it's over. It still hurts though.