REAL problems

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When you hear someone complain about a problem of theirs, do you ever think "grow up; some of us have real problems", and then regret it afterwards, even if you haven't actually said anything about it to anyone?

This happens to me a lot, though most of the time I just ignore the complaining that feels like the person is whining about nothing if I see it online and in real life I just say something like "that sounds hard" (even though it doesn't. In other words, I tell a white lie. I hate those but it's undeniable that sometimes they make life much easier) or give some other pretty empty phrase and eventually try to guide the conversation elsewhere when the person has gotten to complain enough so that me changing the subject can't be considered too rude.

This happens to me more often if I have a bad phase in my life, like right now: I have four doctor's appointments this month, routine check ups but there's a chance that on some of them they find something alarming, so that's stressing in itself, but since it's apparently unlikely I'm stressing more about the bills I'll have to pay because of them. On top of all that, I'll have to pay my home insurance by the beginning of the next month. I have a little money saved up of course, so it's not like my account is at risk of going to 0, but the idea that I might have to use more money this month than I actually earn this month is really stressing.
Oh and they've tightened the restrictions again due to Covid, but I spend most of my time at home anyway so meh, that's not really a big deal for me. So yeah, in the light of all this, I feel like snapping when someone complains about having to wear a mask when going grocery shopping. Or having to wash their hands every time they get to their work place. Stuff like that.

Anyway, the point is that looking down on someone else's problems makes me feel bad, even when I haven't actually said or done anything. But sometimes, when you're having a really hard time, it's normal to feel annoyed with people who complain about things that, at least at that moment, seem so meaningless to you... right? I mean, when I really don't bring my thoughts to light in any way, do I need to feel guilty? Could I instead treat it like one of those situations when I'm trying to eat healthy and get tempted to eat something good (and not so healthy), but manage to stop myself? As in, would it be okay that, instead of feeling guilty for thinking certain things, I'd feel proud of myself for keeping my mouth shut despite what I'm thinking?

Of course, I do think that sometimes it's okay to tell people to grow up and stop complaining about minor problems. As an example, let's take there are two friends, A and B. A earns well, and B is in a low-paid job and struggles with the cost of the necessary things. Both are aware of the other's usual financial situation. They meet up to chat, and A complains how they can't take the yearly summer vacation to overseas since this year they don't have enough money. Just the day before, B was grocery shopping while counting their last coins, wondering if it was enough to buy everything they need until payday next week. Now, in a situation like this, would you snap at A to stop complaining if you were in B's shoes? And even if you didn't, would you judge B for snapping? I certainly wouldn't, and I might snap, too.

As a side not, let's all remember that it's against the new rules of The Haven -section to go to someone's thread and complain about how small their problems are. Even if the problem complained about here would be the same one as A's problem in the example.

I think you can be proud of keeping your thoughts to yourself even if it means telling a white lie. And...if you think about it, it’s not really a lie because everyone’s problems seem terribly serious to them. What is the scale of seriousness anyway, that each person should be judged on?

I was just reading a novel in which a character lives by the following three questions: before speaking aloud ask yourself, Is it true? Is it kind? Does it have to be said?

I hope everything turns out clear for you in reference to your medical situation.

I have many “first world” problems. I might complain about them sometimes.....but it’s also good for me to gain perspective. I’m lucky I have a roof over my head, while someone else is homeless in the street amid sub-zero temperatures Celsius, with snow and ice. The homeless situation is really bad in NYC right now. My irritation with “having too much work” seems insignificant now.

I don’t often criticize people with seemingly insignificant problems—because it can seem significant to them.

In a way my most serious health problem is also a first world problem: if I had it in a poor country and poor family in such a country, I would've died as a toddler. Where I am, I was able to and am able to at least get treatment, even though there's no way to completely fix the issue. This is also something I tend to think about: the fact that I have a lot to complain about means that I'm still alive to complain about it.

I think everyone thinks this sometimes. Some people even say so, which annoys me. I've often been told "I wish that was all I had to worry about" or "want to trade?" Also I've been told that here in the Haven too.

If it was after the new Haven rules were set to place, then it might be appropriate to report such a post. The older rules weren't as strict though, so if it was during those then it probably wasn't breaking them, even if it was bad taste.