I’m pretty dumb

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Joined: 14 Feb 2017
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20 Mar 2021, 1:57 pm

Met someone on kijiji. We’re just online friends. I invited him to talk on Facebook messenger. He saw my profile pics on Facebook too but doesn’t want to be Facebook friends or something because he doesn’t use Facebook. This may have been dumb because I don’t really now this person and now he knows what I look like. I sort of know what he looks like because he put a profile pic on kijiji but then took it down and he made up some reason I can’t remember. The thing that scares me the most is I could potentially say something negative or the fact I have a crush about him to my mom, but what if I think I’m messaging mom but forgot to look and I was actually messaging him! It already happened the other way around. I thought I was talking to him but it was mom. So I don’t like this iPhone situation. Do you think I should tell him we should go back to kijiji? Hope I don’t get in any s**t. Knowing me...

funeralxempire
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20 Mar 2021, 2:07 pm

Sarahsmith wrote:

I would try to not worry about potential negatives since building a network of friends some times requires taking risks and making oneself vulnerable.

Do you enjoy talking to him?

Mona Pereth
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20 Mar 2021, 2:08 pm

To Sarahsmith:

How are you talking to him now, if not via kijiji?

You said he doesn't use Facebook.

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Last edited by Mona Pereth on 20 Mar 2021, 2:13 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Mona Pereth
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20 Mar 2021, 2:12 pm

funeralxempire wrote:

I would try to not worry about potential negatives since building a network of friends some times requires taking risks and making oneself vulnerable.

IMO, a person who has identified oneself as having a tendency to say things to the wrong people can and should try to work out a system for reducing the likelihood of mix-ups. And I think we can and should see if we can help Sarahsmith brainstorm such a possible system, after first getting some basic clarifications.

funeralxempire
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20 Mar 2021, 2:17 pm

Mona Pereth wrote:

funeralxempire wrote:

I would try to not worry about potential negatives since building a network of friends some times requires taking risks and making oneself vulnerable.

I agree.

That said, I've also noticed a lot of us on here have conditioned ourselves to be averse towards the risks required to form close bonds so it's probably worthwhile to say 'but don't detach because you're worried about a hypothetical risk that hasn't presented itself'.

Sarahsmith
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20 Mar 2021, 2:20 pm

I thought you could message people on messenger even though you aren’t friends on Facebook? That seems to be what we’re doing now.
Yes I enjoy talking to him. He seems somewhat enlightened. He knows stuff about Hinduism and Buddhism. Most people I’ve met where I live aren’t into that stuff and that’s a drag for me.

Mona Pereth
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20 Mar 2021, 2:25 pm

To Sarahsmith:

Is there any reason NOT to go back to messaging him on kijiji?

Last edited by Mona Pereth on 20 Mar 2021, 2:30 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Sarahsmith
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20 Mar 2021, 2:28 pm

I do tend to worry a lot about everything bad thing that could possibly happen. You think it’s better to just deal with s**t as it comes? It is depressing and exhausting worrying all the time. But I do it so that, when something bad does happen, then I’m prepared. But it’s exhausting thinking this way. But I mean women do need to protect themselves so...

Mona Pereth
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20 Mar 2021, 2:28 pm

funeralxempire wrote:

That said, I've also noticed a lot of us on here have conditioned ourselves to be averse towards the risks required to form close bonds so it's probably worthwhile to say 'but don't detach because you're worried about a hypothetical risk that hasn't presented itself'.

Agreed, as long as we also figure out what the reasonable precautions are. Looks like you and I agree that there's a happy middle ground here.

Sarahsmith
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20 Mar 2021, 2:31 pm

Mona Pereth wrote:

Is there any reason NOT to go back to messaging him on kijiji?

Idk good point. Since I don’t want to stop talking to him, I’m worried he’ll get bored using that. But to be honest I’m more comfortable with that. But if we’re using messenger than it would be an easier thing to use if I decide I want to hang out with him. I don’t know what the hell I want.

Sarahsmith
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20 Mar 2021, 2:35 pm

He seems to want to talk on messenger so I’d feel bad for disappointing him, because I like him.

Mona Pereth
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20 Mar 2021, 2:49 pm

Sarahsmith wrote:

He seems to want to talk on messenger so I’d feel bad for disappointing him, because I like him.

Has he specifically expressed a preference for Facebook Messenger? Or does he, perhaps, just message you via Facebook Messenger because he thinks that's what you prefer?

What do you think would happen if you were to send him a message via kijiji again?

Another question: Do you use Google for any purpose beyond just search, e.g. do you use gmail? If so, do you ever use Google chat? Also, does your mother use Google for any purpose beyond just search, e.g. does she use gmail? If so, would she be willing to use Google chat with you instead of Facebook?

Sarahsmith
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20 Mar 2021, 2:52 pm

No I never used google chat before. Interesting. I was kind of bored talking on kijiji myself and he just said messenger would be faster. But I’m scared to slip up with messenger if you know what I mean.

Mona Pereth
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20 Mar 2021, 3:03 pm

Sarahsmith wrote:

I would suggest that you ask your mother to help you experiment with Google chat and, if you and she both like it, continue to communicate with her via Google chat instead of Facebook. Otherwise, if your mother doesn't like it but you think your new acquaintance might like it, then invite him to chat via Google.

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