Do others still want me to have a girlfriend?

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Marknis
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06 Apr 2021, 6:01 pm

I am having a really bad depression episode to the point I only just now truly have gotten out of bed but only have reached the couch outside my room and my mind keeps telling me others don’t want me to have a girlfriend.
My mind is always attacking me and making me assume the worst about everything.
If others tell me that they still do even if they don’t mention it outright, it would help my mind. I am also thinking of not giving anymore lip service and truly taking a hiatus from this place. I use my iPhone for online activity too much and I feel like it’s contributing to my being dysthymic, which is the diagnosis of clinical depression I suffer from. It’s possible it’s making me develop double depression because I can usually get out of bed but it’s been getting more difficult which is a symptom of major depression.



Mountain Goat
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06 Apr 2021, 6:40 pm

Of course I want you to have a girlfriend.


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IsabellaLinton
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06 Apr 2021, 6:49 pm

I'd like you to meet a girlfriend. I wish you didn't worry so much about other people's opinions though.

All that would matter is your opinion, and hers.



HeroOfHyrule
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06 Apr 2021, 9:27 pm

I hope that you are able to find a girlfriend. Like Isa I think it'd be good if you could shrug off other people's opinions of you, but I also know that's usually easier said than done, especially when someone has depression.



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06 Apr 2021, 9:34 pm

Of all the self-defeating things I've seen you say, "others don't want me to have a girlfriend" is the most incomprehensible. How do you / did you know this? Did anyone actually say "I don't want you to have a girlfriend" - ? Was it anyone here? Someone you know in the real world?

I would venture that probably most people don't care one way or another. You're fortunate that a few people are saying they want you to have a girlfriend. I could say I don't care one way or another, but that's not really where my head is. My head is wanting you to get well generally with better self-esteem and self-direction ... (and then I think the girlfriend thing will take care of itself.)

I'm sorry your mood is so low.


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Marknis
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07 Apr 2021, 12:29 am

Mountain Goat wrote:
Of course I want you to have a girlfriend.


Thank you. I just hope it will happen until I turn 40. I don’t think this community will last long enough to where I can finally say so.

IsabellaLinton wrote:
I'd like you to meet a girlfriend. I wish you didn't worry so much about other people's opinions though.

All that would matter is your opinion, and hers.


If I didn’t have this horrible curse called clinical depression, I would be able to tune out other people’s opinions, especially the negative ones that still plague my mind.

If I finally meet her, I won’t let anyone tell me I can’t have love or care if they are upset.

HeroOfHyrule wrote:
I hope that you are able to find a girlfriend. Like Isa I think it'd be good if you could shrug off other people's opinions of you, but I also know that's usually easier said than done, especially when someone has depression.


Thank you. I really wish I didn’t develop depression. Granted, it’s prominent in my family but if I hadn’t been bullied, sexually harassed ironically by homophobic men, had stupid religious ideas shoved into my head like it was Satan making me feel depressed, and not having things go the way I wanted them to go or not go the way others said they would, I would’ve been better equipped to manage what I go through daily.

BeaArthur wrote:
Of all the self-defeating things I've seen you say, "others don't want me to have a girlfriend" is the most incomprehensible. How do you / did you know this? Did anyone actually say "I don't want you to have a girlfriend" - ? Was it anyone here? Someone you know in the real world?

I would venture that probably most people don't care one way or another. You're fortunate that a few people are saying they want you to have a girlfriend. I could say I don't care one way or another, but that's not really where my head is. My head is wanting you to get well generally with better self-esteem and self-direction ... (and then I think the girlfriend thing will take care of itself.)

I'm sorry your mood is so low.


I can’t bring up every post because it would require lots of deep digging and would make my mood plummet even lower. These posts do stick in my mind, especially the first one.

viewtopic.php?f=3&t=375560&p=8235485&hilit=+individuality#p8235293

viewtopic.php?f=3&t=383913&p=8431555&hilit=+Definitely+possible#p8431555



Marknis
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07 Apr 2021, 8:53 am

I’ve also had people in person tell me they don’t want me to have a girlfriend and that I’ll never “get laid”. I did have a short lived relationship and I did “get laid” but because the experiences were fleeting, there is still emptiness in my soul.



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07 Apr 2021, 9:32 am

You have a classic ability to mishear/misread other people's statements. Luhluhluh did NOT say "I want you not to have a girlfriend." She said you should stop perseverating about it and go do other things. You read that as follows:

Quote:
I am not going to let people tell me I am too "messed up" to ever have a girlfriend. You are essentially telling me you don't want me to have a girlfriend. Why do you want me to be alone and single forever?


Linguistic confusion is not uncommon in autism spectrum disorders. You should learn to mistrust your tendency to mindread. This is something that is very fruitful to work on in therapy.

Have you contacted that HOCTIL agency yet?


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Marknis
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07 Apr 2021, 11:32 am

What made me feel like she was telling me she didn’t want me to have a girlfriend was the harshness in her tone and the way she said give up to me. Even though she never posted directly to me again, she would post in my other topics after that incident and say harsh things about men in my situation, especially that we were “bitter whiny as*holes”. I wish I could’ve proved her wrong but she’s been gone for a long time.

I wish I could do other things without constantly thinking about my singlehood. It’s a nightmare for me, especially when I am driving. I could be in heavy Austin traffic and still think about how lonely I am. I probably suffer from an irritable amygdala. I used to be told it was either God punishing me or Satan trying to deceive me when I had obsessive thoughts. I even once thought the devil was invading my mind when I had psychotic episodes. I now know they were caused by chemical imbalances.

I am uncomfortable calling them right now because my stutter has been bad lately so I think it would be easier if I emailed them.



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07 Apr 2021, 1:50 pm

Marknis wrote:
I am uncomfortable calling them right now because my stutter has been bad lately so I think it would be easier if I emailed them.

That's wonderful! Email is fine. I'm sure they have a variety of ways that people contact them.

Don't expect miracles. This is one tiny step, hopefully it will lead to an avenue for growth.


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Marknis
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07 Apr 2021, 4:07 pm

There are those who supported me wanting a girlfriend in the past but they no longer reply to me. I feel like they no longer wish me well and want me to remain unhappy.



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07 Apr 2021, 4:19 pm

I'd like you find a girlfriend, but you don't need approval from anyone but your hypothetical partner.

My opinion shouldn't mean anything whether it's positive or negative so I don't feel comfortable restating it over and over again.


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Mountain Goat
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07 Apr 2021, 4:36 pm

Marknis wrote:
There are those who supported me wanting a girlfriend in the past but they no longer reply to me. I feel like they no longer wish me well and want me to remain unhappy.


They may not read because they have read and replied before. Do not think that they have changed their views.

Meanwhile, rather then worrying about getting a girlfriend, you could do with some trains or another exciting thing to enjoy so that it will occupy your mind, so my answer would be (My funny sense of train humour kicking in) is to buy a trainset.
But seriously. For now, while one may keep a lookout for a nice lady to come ones way, the rest of ones time would be good to spend in a hobby which will occupy ones thoughts... Divert ones thoughts from negatives like "I don't have a girlfriend [Yet]" and towards "Look what I have just made" sort of thing as then one can keep positive and be more attractive to a potential girl.


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HeroOfHyrule
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07 Apr 2021, 5:52 pm

funeralxempire wrote:
My opinion shouldn't mean anything whether it's positive or negative so I don't feel comfortable restating it over and over again.


Mountain Goat wrote:
They may not read because they have read and replied before. Do not think that they have changed their views.

I think these replies sum it up perfectly.

You most likely still have a fair few people who wish you well and want you to succeed in your life, but they can't keep giving you the same affirmations over and over. They have their own issues and may run out of ways to respond to you eventually as long as you keep needing affirmations about the same thing.

It also honestly kind of becomes hard to respond to you when you focus on the negatives and say most people don't like you when that's just not true. I get you have depression and issues with insecurity, a lot of us do, but replying is going to seem hopeless to some people if it doesn't do much and you're going to just focus on negative responses.

That's at least how I see it and why people may not respond to you as much sometimes.



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08 Apr 2021, 12:05 am

Brother Marknis, I want you to have a girlfriend.


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08 Apr 2021, 5:00 am

Same here Marknis, I hope you find someone! :D


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