Graves of dreams

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Joined: 24 Jan 2016
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08 Apr 2021, 4:49 pm

!	magz wrote:
	Split from viewtopic.php?f=24&t=294259&start=62448

I don’t know why I am posting in here when I plan on taking a hiatus. I suppose it’s like laying flowers on the grave of my shattered dreams I wanted to achieve.

Marknis
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08 Apr 2021, 5:09 pm

I feel like a father burying his children with how my dreams got killed by the Bible Belt and the people in it. The flowers I lay on their graves are for the love that was denied to me, the songs I failed to compose, the drawings my hands couldn’t put onto paper, the stories writer’s block put up dead ends for, and the family that died before it could be formed. :cry:

funeralxempire
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08 Apr 2021, 5:19 pm

Marknis wrote:

If you've got songs to compose why not compose them?
I'm willing to lend as much assistance I can to support you if you give it a try.

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Marknis
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08 Apr 2021, 5:59 pm

I have more flowers to lay on the grave. They are for the friendships I lost.

Marknis
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08 Apr 2021, 9:20 pm

I don’t know when I will return from my hiatus. It also seems like no one will care when I am gone.

AnonymousAnonymous
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08 Apr 2021, 9:23 pm

Marknis wrote:

It also seems like no one will care when I am gone.

Why do you believe in this assumption?

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Marknis
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08 Apr 2021, 11:16 pm

AnonymousAnonymous wrote:

Marknis wrote:

It also seems like no one will care when I am gone.

Why do you believe in this assumption?

Very few have wished me well in regards to my hiatus. It’s making me feel like I should just step away permanently.

magz
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09 Apr 2021, 11:06 am

Marknis wrote:

That was quite poetic!

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Marknis
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10 Apr 2021, 8:20 pm

magz wrote:

Marknis wrote:

That was quite poetic!

I just hope there is still a chance in this life to revive these dreams even if it feels like the odds are against me.

magz
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11 Apr 2021, 4:48 am

How about growing some new ones as well?

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Marknis
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12 Apr 2021, 7:51 pm

magz wrote:

How about growing some new ones as well?

I honestly don’t know how to make new dreams. My old dreams died and it feels like there is no point to living anymore if I can’t achieve my old dreams. I also feel like most people have lost faith in me ever finding a girlfriend.

funeralxempire
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12 Apr 2021, 8:47 pm

Marknis wrote:

magz wrote:

How about growing some new ones as well?

f**k what other people think. If you're in a relationship at some point it should be because it's something you'd like and that your partner would like, not because of people you'll never meet in person.

Are you used to having other people give you goals? I know from what you've described it seems like your mom can be pretty domineering/controlling. If you've gotten used to having other people impose plans and goals upon you that can make it harder to come up with new ones.

Hope is important for forming goals and when you're in a bad place mentally that can make it all the harder, especially if you're not certain about how to fix the things that keep you in a bad place.

Recently I've been seeing a therapist at the hospital and it helps a little, he's also able to tell me about different things that exist for help that I've been unaware of. Do you know if anything similar exists where you live?

magz
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13 Apr 2021, 4:16 am

Marknis wrote:

magz wrote:

How about growing some new ones as well?

What do you care what other people think? - R. Feynmann.

I know part of depression is being unable to dream, wish, feel anything. It's a symptom. Some genuine new feelings sprouting would be a sign of recovery - maybe fragile at first but, you know, precious signs of spring.

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BeaArthur
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13 Apr 2021, 12:47 pm

Marknis, you need to watch the movie Harold and Maude. It has a message for you - and it also has some damn fine music.

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Sarahsmith
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13 Apr 2021, 1:19 pm

Damn Mark, wish I could write that poetically!!

magz
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14 Apr 2021, 3:12 am

Last night I thought of one idea for you:
Have you ever had a pet?
Nothing fancy - I don't know if you're a cat person or a dog person, or even a hamster or guinea pig - a little furry creature can change a lot in a person's life.
My Aspie daughter convinced me to buy a hamster and geez, how cute he is! And my husband got surprisingly attached to our fish once I started the tank. Pets are more important than I expected.

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