I don’t want to live without having a girlfriend

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Marknis
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04 May 2021, 12:13 am

I really don’t see the point of living my life without having a girlfriend. I want someone special to spend time and experience things with but I feel like love has been denied to me. I am not perfect but I’ve never seriously harmed anyone out of malice. I’ve seen men joyfully hurt others but they still have girlfriends and wives so I just don’t understand why I haven’t been able to establish a relationship.

I work a thankless job and go home to my room alone to crash on my bed. I don’t have anyone waiting for me and no one to share my bed with. It’s no different than how I was going to school except I had some dreamy eyed optimism about a better life after school since I was often told life really began once school ended and the Abrahamic god had “plans” for me. If I had known things would’ve gotten worse, I would’ve killed myself a long time ago.



cbd
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04 May 2021, 5:33 am

Damn OP , Sorry to Hear .

Do You Have Hobbies ? .. Focus on That .

Simply Having a Girlfriend isn't The Beginning and the End .

Many are Relationships with the Wrong Person .. Who Ultimately Doesn't Care or Acts in a Way that Can Truly Make the Experience Not Worth it .

Seek the Right Person . Settling Just Because of a Perceived Loss isn't a Good Plan .

What Moves are You Making to Find the Right Partner ?



Marknis
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04 May 2021, 10:00 am

I’ve lost interest in my hobbies and it’s largely because the pandemic keeps me from pursuing them socially.

I’ve tried online dating and that always ends up being unproductive for me. I was really hoping a speed dating event would happen in my city but it got cancelled.



AquaineBay
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04 May 2021, 11:05 am

Marknis not doing malice and being nice is the bare minimum of being a decent human being. Also you're starting to come off as having a martyr complex. "Other guys treat girls like jerks and I don't so why they have a girlfriend and I don't!" There are other examples but that would be off topic.

By the way, have you ever thought about what a girl would think and the amount of pressure you would put on her if she knew you couldn't live without having a girlfriend(and trust me that mindset will seep out of you quick)? Look, I wish I had a girlfriend(or honestly just a friend in general) to share things with but I know I have to be doing SOMETHING to make that happen outside of going to work(if I had a job) and crashing in my bed.

You can make friends playing games online, you can make friends on forums with the anime shows you like. Setup a video chat or just call them and play or watch a show together. Socializing and making friends is the first step to getting a girlfriend. You said you had a friend, why not hangout with him and do stuff together and he and you can work together to help expand both of your social circles?



Redd_Kross
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04 May 2021, 11:25 am

The way to getting a girlfriend is to concentrate on boosting your own, independent happiness.

If you NEED a girlfriend chances are that's because you think they'll somehow fix you. They won't.

Do stuff that is calming, uplifting, and fun. Whatever you really enjoy. Reading, playing games, watching movies, hiking, cycling, skateboarding, yoga, martial arts, driving, listening to music, meditating, cooking, horse riding.....

I find volunteering very helpful and I'm pleased you've just started a new volunteering position. Just enjoy it for what it is, without imposing any extra rules on yourself ("I MUST get a paid job out of this, I MUST meet new friends, I MUST find a girlfriend". No, just enjoy it, and that's all.

You seem very keen on turning everything into a big deal at the moment. I suspect that's the depression talking. Ignore it, there's no need to be putting such pressure on yourself. Do things because they're fun, rather than trying to suck the fun out of them. Fun is a valid goal in itself and you DO deserve to have fun. And when you're happy in yourself and enjoying life again, a girlfriend will come along for the right reasons, when you don't NEED a girlfriend any more.



Joe90
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04 May 2021, 12:55 pm

Usually women stay with the wrong guys because:-

1. They're desperate
2. They have low self-esteem
3. The guy is charming and manipulative

The same applies to other gendered relationships but because the OP is a guy looking for a girlfriend I thought I'd...you know (can't think of the right words).

I think you will get a girlfriend soon. My cousin is a good-looking NT guy with a car and a job and a group of friends he used to go out to bars and clubs with (before the pandemic) but he still has never met a girlfriend and he's depressed about it. I've never known him to be in a relationship, even though he's only 25 but all his friends are in relationships. He's just shy I suppose. Actually, I know a few good-looking NT guys that can't seem to find a girlfriend. And I bet you're good-looking too. But unfortunately good looks don't seem to win people love, even though it may seem that way.


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cbd
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04 May 2021, 3:47 pm

Marknis wrote:
I’ve lost interest in my hobbies and it’s largely because the pandemic keeps me from pursuing them socially.

I’ve tried online dating and that always ends up being unproductive for me. I was really hoping a speed dating event would happen in my city but it got cancelled.


try new things with less current limitation . art for example ..

what are your main hobbies that involve socialising ?



Marknis
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05 May 2021, 2:06 pm

AquaineBay wrote:
Marknis not doing malice and being nice is the bare minimum of being a decent human being. Also you're starting to come off as having a martyr complex. "Other guys treat girls like jerks and I don't so why they have a girlfriend and I don't!" There are other examples but that would be off topic.

By the way, have you ever thought about what a girl would think and the amount of pressure you would put on her if she knew you couldn't live without having a girlfriend(and trust me that mindset will seep out of you quick)? Look, I wish I had a girlfriend(or honestly just a friend in general) to share things with but I know I have to be doing SOMETHING to make that happen outside of going to work(if I had a job) and crashing in my bed.

You can make friends playing games online, you can make friends on forums with the anime shows you like. Setup a video chat or just call them and play or watch a show together. Socializing and making friends is the first step to getting a girlfriend. You said you had a friend, why not hangout with him and do stuff together and he and you can work together to help expand both of your social circles?


Most of my friends in the flesh ar in relationships and have jobs so they aren’t interested in expanding their social circles. When I do get to hang out with them, the time is limited.