Holding myself back from social situations

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Because i cant fit in society. I know they dont want me and im just not meant to be social. But at the same time i feel lonely and weird.

Most of us have a lot of trouble with social situations that are purely about being social. I have managed not to go to any parties for about 10 years now. It can be easier to deal with people when some other activity is the centre of attention. For me it's music, but it could be sports, board games, a book group, evening classes... anything where "being social" is a side benefit not the main focus.

It took me years, maybe decades, to realize that I actually don't like socializing, as it is practiced on this planet. I decline invitations to family events, work parties, whatever and have been so relieved since then. The quality of my life has gone way up.

I can handle a group with maximum size of 3, or 4.

Although from your perspective I am sure it is hard to believe, but I feel more alone, lonely and abandoned in a large social group than I do when I am totally alone.

I definitely know where you're coming from. In a large group you feel like a misfit because you're not being social. You're basically ostracizing yourself, so you feel lonely because you're not really part of the action. When you're alone, you are accountable to nobody but yourself.