Tomorrow I finally going get my apartment clean, two or more people going come & clean, I’m going wear a mask for the first time, I hope my nose won’t get itching. I hope they won’t do anything to upset me, like put stuff away in the wrong places, I don’t want them to touch some of my stuff. Why Aspergers people can have a hard time with stuff? When I have cleaning people before, some of them did things wrong, they blamed me, thinking they know. I wish I can do more things, like clean stuff without being in my wheelchair. I have sooooo much more pain in my feet & lower legs, the pain is near my ankles. With all my pain in my feet & lower legs, when I’m on my feet, that when I get pretty bad anxiety. I sooooo hate everything about me, I cannot do anything right. I soooo wish I was dead. I cannot do everything myself. The anniversary of my mom’s death is this month, she will be gone for 8 years, I wish she was here instead of my dad, I know that is wrong, but that how I feel, my mom was the BETTER parent. I still need her to take care of me, but I should take care of myself, I’m going to be 51 this year, I can feel & act like a 5 year old. I been sooo more emotional lately, I hate crying when I have my glasses on.
07 Jun 2021, 10:00 pm
