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CinderashAutomaton
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

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Joined: 11 Jun 2021
Age: 36
Gender: Male
Posts: 66
Location: Canada

30 Jun 2021, 8:48 am

written to this beat


finally I'm out from under the earth
no longer feeling like everything hurts
breathing again what I thought might be ending
finally after so long I'm finally mending

but what a joke, it couldn't ever be simple
I look in the mirror, what festered just ain't no pimple
missing pieces, nothing eases,
nothing cohesive, just struggles and wheezes

everytime I look around, floor starts shiftin under me
when I try to get a handle, always something to kick my legs out from under me
this ain't no boat, at least sailors learned to sail
I open my mouth and what hits my teeth either nothing or hail

I played games all my life, studied them, lived them
hoped once upon a time I could make a living with em
but what kinda sick game changes the rules at every breath?
thought you were a construct? take a step and now you're aboleth

what's stability? it certainly ain't me
carefully constructed yet rigidity never seen
limits tested but it's like it's never been
what can I do when destiny's so bloody mean

but at least...
finally I'm out from under the earth
no longer feeling like everything hurts
breathing again what I thought might be ending
finally after so long I'm finally mending

------------

It's not finished. That's just the limit of what I could finish before I think I might hit my limit, thus leaving it unfinished in a disatisfactorily unpostable state.
I was inspired by NF when I started writing this. His pacing rubbed off on me, and the tone and topic resonated with me. At the time I was also (and still am) frustrating over how it feels like few things about my mental states, my limits, capabilities, preferences and even personality and identity are stable and consistent. It's like how I read in a sci-fi book once, a race of intelligent beings trying to make sense of a world with inconsistent laws of physics. Progress is stilted if not flat out impossible.

sigh... well at least I'm still alive. I'll figure something out someday.


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Thank you deeply for sharing your experiences. I don't feel so alone anymore.


funeralxempire
Veteran
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Joined: 27 Oct 2014
Age: 36
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 13,446
Location: I'm right here

30 Jun 2021, 11:15 am

Awesome, do you plan to record it?


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the problem with capitalism is that eventually you run out of other people's resources and cheap labour to exploit
戦争ではなく戦争と戦う


CinderashAutomaton
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

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Joined: 11 Jun 2021
Age: 36
Gender: Male
Posts: 66
Location: Canada

30 Jun 2021, 12:17 pm

I'm not sure. I've got a lot of work to do before I could record something I'd be happy with. At most I'd perform for some friends after some practice if I ever finish the piece.

Thank you for the compliment. Glad you liked it.


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Thank you deeply for sharing your experiences. I don't feel so alone anymore.


ocean
Velociraptor
Velociraptor

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Joined: 6 Jul 2007
Gender: Male
Posts: 404

11 Jul 2021, 8:08 am

i liked it...well written...beat is also good


_________________
then i saw...
fast cars ice cold star fame
then i paused
mad bars nice flows all changed

smarts and crafts mudda******!