Which option do you think is best?
I chose #2 because I already get a lot out of being alone as it is, so it's easy to ignore the fact that there is no significant other to speak of. Also, it doesn't help that previous relationships were stressful due to social obligations and not yet being diagnosed. In those cases, whatever attraction may have existed initially did not last.
Socializing is still an option while single of course, along with flirting. Even if none of it amounted to anything, I would still learn a lot from those interactions and have work to get lost in. A large variety of traits are attractive to me though, beyond looks, so even with just a hint of physical attraction, it wouldn't take much effort to choose #1 instead.
I couldn't be in a relationship with a guy I wasn't romantically attracted to, probably because I'd just end up letting them down. It happened before, years ago when I was single. This boy asked me out, and I thought he might grow on me so I said yes. But he kept texting sweet messages and as I read them I felt nauseous. Then I went to the movies with him and as he sat with his arms around me I had to pretend to love his touch. But I was getting more and more depressed by the day, until I could no longer keep up this charade. So I had to get my friends to tell him that he's not my type and that we could just be friends. He took it well but I think he was heartbroken. But it was the kindest thing to do and had to be done. I felt free after that.
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Isn't that what basically defines boyfriend/girlfriend stuff? I don't know since I'm asexual, but that how it looks from the outside to me.
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auntblabby
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nick007
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Isn't that what basically defines boyfriend/girlfriend stuff? I don't know since I'm asexual, but that how it looks from the outside to me.
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nick007
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auntblabby
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people by and large have not shown enthusiasm for my inner beauty. they only notice an outside that does not impress them. oh well, i'm closer to the end than to the beginning so it is increasingly a moot thing.
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people by and large have not shown enthusiasm for my inner beauty. they only notice an outside that does not impress them. oh well, i'm closer to the end than to the beginning so it is increasingly a moot thing.
People need to be willing to give others a chance to prove themselves before writing them off. It's like that with LOTS of things not just romantic relationships.
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why do you care if you let them down...you are not attracted to them?
I don't like to hurt their feelings but letting them down is a different thing.
just tell them you don't feel the same...its difficult but its life
auntblabby
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people by and large have not shown enthusiasm for my inner beauty. they only notice an outside that does not impress them. oh well, i'm closer to the end than to the beginning so it is increasingly a moot thing.
People need to be willing to give others a chance to prove themselves before writing them off. It's like that with LOTS of things not just romantic relationships.
amuuuricans by and large seem uniquely unforgiving and strictly of a good first impressions mode.
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auntblabby
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so far, i am too dissimilar to everybody on earth, to be widely considered suitable mate material or even friend material.
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I'm great when I'm single, mentally balanced, therefore with the knowledge i gathered if it were possible singleness would be a good idea. There are more chances for me to select partners that are abusive and easily give up. Seeing as the majority of people also have this issue since most suffer from one form or another of childhood traps and few do learn how to distinguish between healthy and non healthy partners, as well as being tricked is not hard even for professionals who are trained not to be, I would say that is not a bad life, a life where people are single.
However if i highly desired to have a relationship for the sake of having a relationship i would do it regardlessly of much anything. But from this there comes the moral question: how would i make it fair and honest, because that's a necessity of relationships and the ego. If I did this, I would go against what I represent for selfish purposes, but that's the nature of desiring a relationship for mainly the sake of having one. And if not I think there is not much possibility for me to be successful, id have to search for partners who are up for what I want and I'd likely not find them easily and fast. Even for sexual partners generally there is a requirement there for you to be interested in them, is what they expect and I don't blame them for desiring that.
I actually did number 1 (not a joke) but the situation was, friends i was not attracted to wanted to be with me, i gave them a chance, and I believed we could make it through based on what i had observed they were like and given the work we both agreed to do. Eventually attraction developed, I would say in one case significantly more, but that didnt ensure a healthier relationship neither success.
I dont naturally desire relationships, I desire people.
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