Not quite diagnosable but tired of "normal" people

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Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
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16 Jul 2021, 8:10 pm

Hello and thanks for reading this.

I have a son diagnosed with Asperger's and have myself always not fit in with "normal" people. I've asked several professionals over the years if the difficulty could be Asperger's, but none of them would confirm that. But when I read the list of traits in women, large chunks of them could have been copied from my diary, if I had kept a really honest diary.
Maybe I can be accepted here because of my son, and because I have so much in common with you, and because I would rather read what you're thinking about than the thoughts of the conformist people called "normal."
I'm 66 years old, long divorced, enjoying being on my own... I have no friends because, although I'm better able as an adult to start friendships, I soon realize that I don't belong with those people, don't think the way they do, like the same things they do, etc. I have a good many acquaintances that I'm happy to talk to briefly.
My unusual long-term interests include budgeting, which I think is fascinating; I'm even using play money to "pay" myself my income, then taking the money back out when I spend some. That's probably the oddest one. I also like books and music playlists on Amazon and jigsaw puzzles, among other things.
So I'll read on here sometimes, and maybe make an occasional comment. For anyone who has read this far: do you think that when I make a comment I should add that I haven't been diagnosed, but am a lot like an Aspie and have an Aspie son?
Oh, and to explain my username: I may not be on the wrong planet (although it often feels that way), but I am definitely not on the same page with the people around me.



Mountain Goat
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16 Jul 2021, 9:01 pm

It makes sense. Welcome. I wrote it on my signature below about waiting for an assessment.



Double Retired
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17 Jul 2021, 11:25 am

Welcome to WP! I hope you find it a nice place to stay.

Formal diagnoses are not required here. Nor even a suspicion you might be on the Spectrum.

Personally, in 2019 my bride and I did a little on-line research and we both concluded I was probably a "High Functioning Autistic" and I found that unsatisfying. I didn't want a suspicion, I wanted to know! The thing that tipped the balance for me was the Autism Spectrum Quotient Test. I am sort of embarrassed to admit I only very recently also discovered the RDOS Aspie-Quiz (note that you do not have to register to take the quiz). You might find them interesting even if you don't go for a formal assessment.

Oh, now I am formally diagnosed as Autism Spectrum Disorder, Level 1 (Mild).


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differentpage
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
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17 Jul 2021, 2:15 pm

Thanks, Double Retired! I tried the test you mentioned first and got a 32/50--"some autistic traits/Asperger's." One more point, and I would have been in the next category.

I think the problem with my being diagnosed is that I have some understanding of other people's feelings, but then a lot of Aspies seem to have that. I can also do "small talk." I don't think I could when I was young, but you live and learn. Ask about their family, ask what they think about some current event, etc.

I haven't undergone formal testing, but have asked a couple of professionals, when I used to try to get people to like me and went in for counseling about it. They dismissed the Asperger's idea.

I love your line about discovering why other people are weird. :heart:

Thanks also to Mountain Goat.

Are you, like me, wanting to be diagnosed with something, instead of just being generally weird? Asperger's/autism is not the person's fault in any way, and you can find people who are like you and hang out with them and hope to be accepted and understood. That's why I kept wanting a diagnosis. But I'm not a typical enough untypical person, I guess.



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17 Jul 2021, 6:09 pm

Just because Life is complicated...

In addition to Autism Spectrum Disorder there is also a Borderline Autism Personality diagnosis which is sort of "Almost Autistic"--but not enough so to get a diagnosis of Autism. (Not to be confused with the completely different Borderline Personality Disorder.) And, on top of that, ADHD and Autism share some traits! I guess this is why some people go to college to learn about it...

P.S. This is stuff I've picked up on the Internet--much of it on WP. I was 64 before I'd even heard of the Autism Spectrum so I am clearly not qualified to diagnose any of this stuff! If you're lucky, someone who actually knows what they are talking about might join this Thread!

Underscores denote hyperlinks.


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browneyedgirlslowingdown
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17 Jul 2021, 10:26 pm

Welcome, no diagnosis needed. My daughter was diagnosed years back, and it was dismissed for me by therapists over and over. I was diagnosed this year finally. I just want to say, when you know, you know.


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Diagnosed ASD 5/17/21
AQ 40/50
Your broader autism cluster (Aspie) score: 153 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 50 of 200
You are very likely on the broader autism cluster (Aspie)
Systemising Quotient (SQ) 78
Empathy Quotient (EQ) 41
CAT-Q 156 Compensation 56 Masking 48 Assimilation 52


differentpage
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
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18 Jul 2021, 7:06 pm

Thanks, browneyes. Could be the same thing happening to both of us.

In time one learns that the experts don't know everything every time.

Double retired, in case you read this: I also asked if I could have ADD. Expert: "If you had ADD you couldn't even read a book." I have my doubts about that one. There is a lot of variation out there, but the list of things to check off doesn't take that into account.



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18 Jul 2021, 7:58 pm

differentpage wrote:
I also asked if I could have ADD. Expert: "If you had ADD you couldn't even read a book."
:lol: What are they an expert on? Clearly not ADHD!

My bride is ADHD and is a voracious reader. She spends a lot of her time reading books.

I am very used to asking her to do something and hearing back: As soon as I finish this paragraph...page...chapter... And then much later I have to ask again.

She's up at the really busy end of ADHD. As I noted earlier, traits of ADHD especially at the high end and Autism especially at the low end overlap (for instance, hyperfocus). When I was being assessed for Autism that confused her because she also had a lot of the Autism traits. I got her to stick to her disorder and leave mine alone by pointing out two key differences between them (and between her and me):
- I am strongly a creature of habit and routine and don't like change, definitely not true for her
- I tend to focus on a few "special" interests, unbelievably not true for her

P.S. Despite being on the Spectrum, I look good on paper...but I'll admit that, in general, she looks even better than me on paper (and definitely so in person!).


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18 Jul 2021, 8:13 pm

differentpage wrote:
Thanks also to Mountain Goat.

Are you, like me, wanting to be diagnosed with something, instead of just being generally weird? Asperger's/autism is not the person's fault in any way, and you can find people who are like you and hang out with them and hope to be accepted and understood. That's why I kept wanting a diagnosis. But I'm not a typical enough untypical person, I guess.


It is more with me that I reached a point when I needed answers as I had had a fair few burnouts and could no longer work. I didn't know much about autism before a series of events after prayer happened to me and even then I was in denial for a few years.
But after being so hard hit bu burnout where I was having strings of partial shutdowns and a fair few full shutdowns mixed in, that I was in quite a mess.
I have had shutdowns since an earlyage and never knew what they were and despite most of my life trying to find out what they were I was never able to explain to doctors.

But it was on this lifelong hunt I happened to have a few events all come together where I had a rough "Lead" of an idea which I came onto this site to ask a question.
One thing after another lead me to find out that I had been experiencing shutdowns and partial shutdowns.

The rest has happened since then.

I was accepted for the assessment not long before I joined this site and I have been waiting until I will be assessed.



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18 Jul 2021, 8:43 pm

Mountain Goat, I hope you get your assessment soon, and I hope you don't mind if I hope they decide you are on the Spectrum--because I would be pleased to share a "disorder" with you!

And while I love my bride, I'm kind of glad she's got her own disorder. She and I share enough, as it is!


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chaosmos
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20 Jul 2021, 8:08 pm

Hi there,

I'm really new to this forum and hold strongly that I am a high functioning aspie. I am a primary school educator who works closely with children with ASD and my 10 year old step-daughter is most certainly on the spectrum but currently undiagnosed. I have excellent reference points!

That idea of feeling on a 'different page' (thanks for coining it differentpage!) really resonates with me and through my own therapeutic process (working closely with a trauma-informed therapist for the past 4 years) I've realised that a lot of me fits with the anecdotal experience of adult women who get diagnosed in later life. It all makes sense in so many ways. The online tests also seem to bend that way too - (RAADS-R = 159, AQ = 36). I am tentatively considering formal diagnosis but feel the informal one from my therapist and self identification feels enough at the moment.

My only question is... and maybe some of you lovely folk have a similar experience... I also have a diagnosis of Complex-PTSD which has, without qualm, affected my neurological development and my interaction with the world. There is inevitably overlap there if one considers both C-PTSD and ASD presentation. But after years of therapy, the layers of trauma have been lifted to re-reveal who I actually am, which I believe, is wondrously gifted and limited all at once.

I see myself as very like my grandfather - also gifted, also socially introverted, also a stim-maniac when experiencing big emotions, also a deeply curious observer.
Perhaps he is on the spectrum too!

I'd appreciate thoughts and references if they are there! And thanks for sharing your stories too :wink:



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20 Jul 2021, 8:09 pm

Double Retired wrote:
Mountain Goat, I hope you get your assessment soon, and I hope you don't mind if I hope they decide you are on the Spectrum--because I would be pleased to share a "disorder" with you!

And while I love my bride, I'm kind of glad she's got her own disorder. She and I share enough, as it is!


I am being patient. :)



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20 Jul 2021, 8:15 pm

chaosmos wrote:
Hi there,

I'm really new to this forum and hold strongly that I am a high functioning aspie. I am a primary school educator who works closely with children with ASD and my 10 year old step-daughter is most certainly on the spectrum but currently undiagnosed. I have excellent reference points!

That idea of feeling on a 'different page' (thanks for coining it differentpage!) really resonates with me and through my own therapeutic process (working closely with a trauma-informed therapist for the past 4 years) I've realised that a lot of me fits with the anecdotal experience of adult women who get diagnosed in later life. It all makes sense in so many ways. The online tests also seem to bend that way too - (RAADS-R = 159, AQ = 36). I am tentatively considering formal diagnosis but feel the informal one from my therapist and self identification feels enough at the moment.

My only question is... and maybe some of you lovely folk have a similar experience... I also have a diagnosis of Complex-PTSD which has, without qualm, affected my neurological development and my interaction with the world. There is inevitably overlap there if one considers both C-PTSD and ASD presentation. But after years of therapy, the layers of trauma have been lifted to re-reveal who I actually am, which I believe, is wondrously gifted and limited all at once.

I see myself as very like my grandfather - also gifted, also socially introverted, also a stim-maniac when experiencing big emotions, also a deeply curious observer.
Perhaps he is on the spectrum too!

I'd appreciate thoughts and references if they are there! And thanks for sharing your stories too :wink:


Hello. Your grandfather seems an interesting gentleman. I had two grandfathers but one died when I was about a year old so I don't remember a lot about him except that he was there on my first birthday. I seem to remember someone so it must have been him.
My other grandad I did know well and he was interesting. He was a designer.



chaosmos
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20 Jul 2021, 8:24 pm

Mountain Goat wrote:
chaosmos wrote:
Hi there,

I'm really new to this forum and hold strongly that I am a high functioning aspie. I am a primary school educator who works closely with children with ASD and my 10 year old step-daughter is most certainly on the spectrum but currently undiagnosed. I have excellent reference points!

That idea of feeling on a 'different page' (thanks for coining it differentpage!) really resonates with me and through my own therapeutic process (working closely with a trauma-informed therapist for the past 4 years) I've realised that a lot of me fits with the anecdotal experience of adult women who get diagnosed in later life. It all makes sense in so many ways. The online tests also seem to bend that way too - (RAADS-R = 159, AQ = 36). I am tentatively considering formal diagnosis but feel the informal one from my therapist and self identification feels enough at the moment.

My only question is... and maybe some of you lovely folk have a similar experience... I also have a diagnosis of Complex-PTSD which has, without qualm, affected my neurological development and my interaction with the world. There is inevitably overlap there if one considers both C-PTSD and ASD presentation. But after years of therapy, the layers of trauma have been lifted to re-reveal who I actually am, which I believe, is wondrously gifted and limited all at once.

I see myself as very like my grandfather - also gifted, also socially introverted, also a stim-maniac when experiencing big emotions, also a deeply curious observer.
Perhaps he is on the spectrum too!

I'd appreciate thoughts and references if they are there! And thanks for sharing your stories too :wink:


Hello. Your grandfather seems an interesting gentleman. I had two grandfathers but one died when I was about a year old so I don't remember a lot about him except that he was there on my first birthday. I seem to remember someone so it must have been him.
My other grandad I did know well and he was interesting. He was a designer.


Yes, it feels like a privilege to know him. He was a physicist in his working life and is still a free diver at 85. He has spent many of his later years travelling Australia in a caravan with my Gran! A very interesting man indeed!



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21 Jul 2021, 1:37 pm

chaosmos wrote:
My only question is... and maybe some of you lovely folk have a similar experience... I also have a diagnosis of Complex-PTSD which has, without qualm, affected my neurological development and my interaction with the world. There is inevitably overlap there if one considers both C-PTSD and ASD presentation. But after years of therapy, the layers of trauma have been lifted to re-reveal who I actually am, which I believe, is wondrously gifted and limited all at once.
My knowledge of the alphabet was pretty much exhausted in this earlier post of mine in this thread. If we're lucky, someone who actually knows what they are talking about (which would not be be me) might join this Thread.

One thing I do know, though, is it's good to see you join us on this WP. Welcome!


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AnonymousAnonymous
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22 Jul 2021, 5:17 pm

Welcome to Wrong Planet! :)


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