Should I try to date 'bad girls' in this sense?
Been there, done that.
Damn, have I been there.
It takes the sexual wind out of your sails and leaves them fluttering impotently.
Frustrating, ain't it.
Perhaps so does seem a bit nitpicky, if its kind of new to her...then it will probably take some time to get more comfortable with it. So may require some patience, in the meantime you may have to use your imagination a little.
Looking at the naughty bits helps me.
We are not there, yet.
I suggest you try it yourself until we get the zoom conferencing thing working.
Also, interestingly, last night I was able to get aroused by her and we had sex. She told me a story, from her past, that was kind of naughty and didn't make her so saint like after all. She didn't tell it to get me aroused, but I got aroused from her telling it and did the trick. I guess I was more sexually hot for her, knowing that she is not such a good girl afterall.
However, I feel guilty needing that extra oomph, and I probably should be aroused more easily by her, than needing extra ammunition like that? Or maybe not? Plus I wonder what she might be thinking of it now, thinking "was I not enough for him just by being in the room, and he needed to hear that about me to get aroused"?
Sweetleaf
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However, I feel guilty needing that extra oomph, and I probably should be aroused more easily by her, than needing extra ammunition like that? Or maybe not? Plus I wonder what she might be thinking of it now, thinking "was I not enough for him just by being in the room, and he needed to hear that about me to get aroused"?
Well maybe, when you have trouble getting aroused you can think about her when she is more arousing. Like i guess think of the things that do turn you on that she says/does during sex, if she's not doing all that in the moment. It seems she can get you aroused but doesn't happen all the time.
And idk, about if you should be aroused more easily or feel guilty about needing a little extra oomph. In my case, I find my boyfriend aesthetically pleasing, but don't really get 'turned on' by it. He has to do the things I find arousing to get me turned on, and I suppose I don't find any use in thinking if that's how it should be or not it's just the way it is and we've made it work. I did worry about hurting his feelings...but he was more worried of our lack of sex so was just glad to find out I had ideas of what would get me in the mood.
Also, you mentioned she'll try and dirty talk but break out laughing...and idk could be she's not very confident about it yet and may take some time and encouragement for her to get more into it. Seems she is at least open to it.
_________________
We won't go back.
Lucky gurl.
No one wants a "good gurl" in the bedroom.
And so you should.
She can do better.
I was being disingenuous.
Didn't you see the green smiley emoji?
I find this thread amusing.
I find your interest in discussing your sexual frustrations "interesting".
I also wonder why this thread isn't in the adult section.
But I find this discussion hilarious, not offensive.
The_Face_of_Boo
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Well the last two times we had sex, I was able to get aroused fine and the sex was good. But I had to picture bad girls in my mind doing bad girl things in order to get aroused enough. Is that bad since I wasn't thinking of my gf, or should I not let it bother me, and sometimes people just need a little extra fuel?
Dunno.
Tell us more about your sex life.
Rexi
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Well the problem with me is a I felt my gf is not naughty enough. However, the other day she was really naughty and wild in bed and went all out aggressive on me. I was really turned on by it, and I asked her what made her do it differently this time.
She said she was just having a really bad week, which she was. Her ex has been stalking her and she had to take legal action. I feel bad for her having a bad week, and feel bad about her ex stalking her of course... But does she have to have a bad week, and a stalking ex, in order to be passionate in bed though, or is that normal for some people, and they are not near as passionate otherwise?
shes revenging on him having a great time with you, she seems to have a lot of issues in her life. I'm not surpised she isnt able to focus on having sex. Sex was very depressing first time and very difficult to figure out and uncomfortable. I had massive experience in text and theory but it cant compare at all. It's a true challenge and it comes with massive pregnancy risks.
Maybe shes getting angry with you too or projecting his behaviour on you. Maybe she senses something is wrong.
Is this your wife or a new gf?
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Rexi
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I think your libido is on the lower side too. Might be worth checking with a coach, professionals, doctors. It's worth it if you're happy with this person. These people have experience with the worst cases, there is hope.
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Rexi
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Location: "I know there's nothing we can do. But my heart can't accept it." "If this is real, then I want to change the future."
Well the problem with me is a I felt my gf is not naughty enough. However, the other day she was really naughty and wild in bed and went all out aggressive on me. I was really turned on by it, and I asked her what made her do it differently this time.
She said she was just having a really bad week, which she was. Her ex has been stalking her and she had to take legal action. I feel bad for her having a bad week, and feel bad about her ex stalking her of course... But does she have to have a bad week, and a stalking ex, in order to be passionate in bed though, or is that normal for some people, and they are not near as passionate otherwise?
Did you tell her that you were really turned on by it though? And you'd like to incorporate more of that even when she hasn't had a bad week? Obviously not the part of her having a bad week, but just that you enjoyed the way the sex happened.
Like you have to use words to explicitly express you enjoyed that, its nearly impossible for neurotypicals to get hints from autistic people, even if you think you are giving the hint right.
I did but for some reason we tried having sex two more times, and she wasn't like it as much, and I couldn't get aroused as a result.
I was told by other people that maybe I am not sexually attracted to her and we should just be friends, and I should perhaps break up with her as a result. But I feel that I am really in love with her and she makes me really happy and I never felt this way about another person before. But my friends tell me that she can still do that for me, even if we are just friends, since there doesn't seem to be sexual attraction.
However, the thought of breaking up with her would devistate me, even if we could still remain friends after. Even if we still remained friends, the thought of her having another bf later, as a result of me leaving her, would make me really jealous inside, like I threw away something great.
Is it normal to think this about someone, who I should be just friends with if the sex isn't working, according to other people?
In such a case people have to let go, itd be unhealthy to carry it on, it's a lie and you will keep wanting to drag it back in. And that won't be good, back and forthing is very toxic and addicting. Keep getting back together.
You have to think about her preference too. Would she want to be friends? Would it be good for her?
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Rexi
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online counselling
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