NTs: GROUP A is unaware, GROUP B is two-faced

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This video of an interview with an Autistic woman named Anita Lesko is interesting. Not just because of her experience of being bullied in the workplace for being Autistic, but by the interviewer's genuine shock.

See, I think the interviewer is a genuinely good person, and wouldn't partake in such bullying behavior if she worked in the same hospital. However, the interviewer would also NOT be victimized herself, so she'd be rather oblivious to the fact that the bullies (people she herself gets along with) are doing such things. It's like there's two groups. GROUP A is made up of genuinely decent people. GROUP B teams up and goes up after the outsider. However, GROUP A and GROUP B don't have a problem with one another...

So, GROUP A is seemingly oblivious: "I get along with the Aspie, I see no need to ostracize them for being different. I also get along great with GROUP B, they seem like nice people, friendly people; so I'm not sure I believe the Aspie for claiming to have these problems with them."

GROUP B is like Jekyll and Hyde. They're not consistently evil and their treatment of others is highly versatile depending on the person they're interacting with. They're decent human beings to those they perceive to be "normal." But they have no qualms adjusting behavior and acting maliciously toward the "other."

Those in the first group, who are consistent in their genuine behavior, assume GROUP B must be the same...can't fathom they'd turn into monsters when dealing with the Aspie.

I think a lot of well-meaning NTs give us poor advice based on their own limited perceptions. They don't have conflicts with the problematic NTs. They're oblivious to these Jekyll/Hyde types because they only see the good side and don't know how they're not consistent in behavior with everyone.

Again, this GROUP A are good, well-meaning folks. They go through life naive that a lot of folks they themselves get along with are not consistent in their niceness. They're blissfully unaware, and can't fathom why the Aspie is having such problems.

Anyone have any thoughts or think they see what I'm getting at?

I don't think it's accurate to divide NTs into 2 groups. Like in everything, there is always a 'third' as well. NTs are individuals, and one NT from group A might not get along with one NT from group B.

Or is that kind of what you're talking about?

I once worked at a place where this sort of thing went on. There was a woman there who about half of the people sucked up to and the other half saw straight through her. Most of the people there liked and accepted me though, from both 'groups'. But the couple of people who were bitchy towards me were in her 'group' (including her). If she upset me, some people would say "oh, she's just having a bad day, that's all" or "oh, it's just her way." But others would be like "yeah, she is a cliquey b***h" and some even left because of her. I ended up leaving too because I was driven out by the cliqueness that went on.

^ Everyone has one-on-one interpersonal problems with others from time to time.

I was talking about group-think; not all are part of the group, but fail to see the problem because the group is nice toward them. They don't understand that these seemingly regular people are acting in tandem to target one individual.

In your example, quite a number of people saw through the one problematic worker. Others were blatantly trying to curry her favor. Some stood up for her, some saw what was happening right away. But this was ONE problematic person acting with hostility toward you. Not my A/B scenario. In your case, there really were no groups. It was you, her, and people with varying degrees of turning-a-blind eye.

Now, IF people who you'd formally gotten along with started getting nasty with you, following her lead...and if others didn't pick up on any of it because they weren't receiving the same treatment, then you'd have a scenario comparable to what I'm talking about. Glad it hasn't happened to you...yet.

You may be done with the Autism spectrum, but the Autism spectrum isn't done with you.

Surprised no one could relate to the autistic lady in the video or had any personal experience.

I've noticed people that I do get along with don't usually have problems with the people who give me a hard time. They often don't even realize or suspect these people whom they get along with are capable of behaving differently toward someone else.

It's the same phenomenon as people, though not themselves racist, not "seeing" racism experienced by members of a different group. People are often amazingly oblivious to what doesn't directly affect them.

That's a very apt comparison! Being colorblind, having two friends (one of your race, one of a different race). Not realizing that the two are having issues due to racism, assuming how they present to you is how they present to each other.

But in that example, the outsider at least has members of his own race who can empathize, who have experienced the same thing. And if/when the subject is broached, the racial outsider has an obvious x-factor to point out (his skin, face, genetics, culture, whatever).

As mentioned in the video, Autism isn't visible as a disability the way someone in a wheelchair is disabled.

Moreover, unlike discrimination against someone who is obviously different (such as a different race or in a wheel-chair), what is it that makes GROUP B pick up on these differences and decide to pounce? GROUP A is more likely to be oblivious because there's no obvious visual factor.

And there is an irony of sorts. GROUP B will say, "he's not a different color, and he's not in a wheelchair, he's not disabled, so it's HIM...he can't cry discrimination" ; yet, they actually do pick up on the disability (maybe subconsciously?) and decide to POUNCE. They're actually more aware (in a bad way) than GROUP A that someone is different. GROUP A folks will usually say, "You seem like a nice, normal person, I can't understand why those equally nice people in GROUP B attack you. It's in your head, or you're doing something on purpose!"