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Mountain Goat
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30 Aug 2021, 1:58 pm

It is interesting in what we take for granted as being normal is not normal for other people.



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30 Aug 2021, 2:14 pm

Mountain Goat wrote:
It is interesting in what we take for granted as being normal is not normal for other people.


I find this realization to be frustrating all the time. Like, I know people lie, and are dishonest, and duplicitous, etc. But *I* am not like that if I can help it, and it really infuriates me that me being as honest and straightforward as I am is...abnormal. Like, is it *really* that hard for NT people to do this?

Or as another example, I don't seem to really have a difficulty seeing what is ethically right vs wrong (or morally right vs wrong). I might have a hard time understanding the true motives of people and stuff, but it is pretty easy to tell what the right thing to do is...just don't do things that hurt other people, or do the least amount of harm if you can't avoid that. When people are doing something that clearly has an obviously really bad outcome, and they don't seem to be remotely bothered by it, difficult time interpreting social cues aside, I can usually tell, "Ah, this is one of those 'Bad Guys' they keep putting everywhere in stories or cinema, etc."

Apparently this is a nigh impossible task for other people to figure out, and they treat it like it is super duper subjective whether something is really bad. Like it depends on your POV.

I am not saying I am some perfect example, but if *I* can figure this stuff out, I really wonder what the hell is wrong with most other people when they can't, and have no excuse for being unable (An excuse which arguably I qualify for).



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30 Aug 2021, 2:27 pm

Mountain Goat wrote:
It is interesting in what we take for granted as being normal is not normal for other people.
Yes. I think that is why we can sometimes miss very important and even critical medical issues.


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skibum
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30 Aug 2021, 2:29 pm

Something Profound wrote:
Mountain Goat wrote:
It is interesting in what we take for granted as being normal is not normal for other people.


I find this realization to be frustrating all the time. Like, I know people lie, and are dishonest, and duplicitous, etc. But *I* am not like that if I can help it, and it really infuriates me that me being as honest and straightforward as I am is...abnormal. Like, is it *really* that hard for NT people to do this?

Or as another example, I don't seem to really have a difficulty seeing what is ethically right vs wrong (or morally right vs wrong). I might have a hard time understanding the true motives of people and stuff, but it is pretty easy to tell what the right thing to do is...just don't do things that hurt other people, or do the least amount of harm if you can't avoid that. When people are doing something that clearly has an obviously really bad outcome, and they don't seem to be remotely bothered by it, difficult time interpreting social cues aside, I can usually tell, "Ah, this is one of those 'Bad Guys' they keep putting everywhere in stories or cinema, etc."

Apparently this is a nigh impossible task for other people to figure out, and they treat it like it is super duper subjective whether something is really bad. Like it depends on your POV.

I am not saying I am some perfect example, but if *I* can figure this stuff out, I really wonder what the hell is wrong with most other people when they can't, and have no excuse for being unable (An excuse which arguably I qualify for).
I feel that same frustration so often. It's very difficult for me to make sense of it and deal with it sometimes.


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Mountain Goat
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30 Aug 2021, 2:52 pm

skibum wrote:
Mountain Goat wrote:
It is interesting in what we take for granted as being normal is not normal for other people.
Yes. I think that is why we can sometimes miss very important and even critical medical issues.


It is also why it is so hard for others to believe you because unless it presents itself in obvious ways (E.g. if one does not mask) if the symptoms present themselves internally and not externally visible so others may not have a way of understanding.

How can one understand if one lacks the ability to think in te same way?

I was considering this, and I have been thinking a lot if I am on the spectrum or jot, and I thought that as I have quite a few traits, then if I am on the spectrum, then how exactly do the majority of people think if it is different to how I think. Yes, I know the outward results are different. Oh boy, I know that! (I used to put it down to me and my parents and brother (Later brothers) having a different way of life. It actually came as a shock to discover that what I had blamed due to havinga different upbringing were autism traits and not my character (Yes they are my character but for a different reason)).
Uhmm. What was I talking about? Oh yes. The way we think!! !



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30 Aug 2021, 4:13 pm

Yes. That is probably my biggest struggle. It is very difficult and even sometimes impossible for people to believe me. Fortunately I have excellent therapists and doctors that do but I had to fire a lot of them to finally get the ones that I respect and who respect me.

It also took many years to finally get a couple of my family members to believe me. Unfortunately it's only a handful.

But the majority of people do not and cannot. People will sometimes ask me why I even bother with people who don't believe me. The answer is, I don't have a choice. I don't live in a bubble. I will have to interact with the public at large sometimes. It isn't possible for me to be 100% completely isolated. I don't have that kind of money or those kinds of resources. So any interaction that I have with anyone at all, even with people who believe me, can pose a very severe danger to me because of the neurological consequences that can happen if an interaction goes badly. And it doesn't take much.

I have come to a point now where it's so critical that every single interaction I have of any kind has to go my way. I am not being selfish, I am literally that fragile. A conversation or interaction that goes wrong could literally land me in the emergency room.

But because this disability is not visible to the eye, and because people can't wrap their heads around this concept and they can't fathom how anyone can possibly be so ridiculously fragile, it's kind of like that fragile bone disease, except in a psychological/emotional sense, they can be extremely insensitive or rude to me and even verbally attack me. This is incredibly dangerous for me because of the neurological damage it can do. So for my safety, all interactions I engage in must be very carefully monitored to keep me safe.

But yeah, people can't understand this because they can't visibly see it so they can't imagine that it's a real thing. And that becomes incredibly dangerous because if they argue with me about the realness of my disabilities, that can land me in the ER. And it has on several occasions.


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"I'm bad and that's good. I'll never be good and that's not bad. There's no one I'd rather be than me."

Wreck It Ralph