Real Friends?

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I have asked all my friends why I am their friend, it turns out that I am their friend because they feel that I need them as a friend. Therefore I am their friend for my benefit only not there’s. It is my understanding that friends are supposed to have mutual benefits, does this mean that these people are not friends just acquaintances. What would you do if all your friends were like this?

Last edited by androidbeing on 10 Jul 2005, 1:20 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I'd pounce them, and then bite them, and then talk about how much fantastic 4 is gonna rule/suck.

I wouldnt believe them about it being for your benefit only. Anyone that is selfish enough to say that you give them no positive input wouldnt be altruistic enough to keep hanging around with someone they dont like in my opinion. It sounds like a strange question to ask though maybe they were just being defensive as is often the case in friendships.

I asked them to be completely honest with me. I understand that people normally lie about things like this so as not to upset people.

Some groups like a whipping boy but as i havent been around yourself and your friends i cant tell if its that or they genuinely are just friends for your benefit. If they are nice to you and you enjoy they're company then i wouldnt let what they said change things between you and them.

What is a whipping boy? i haven't come across that term before

They DO get some benefit from being your friend. But this benefit might not be an obvious thing, and they might not even be aware of it or don't know how to express something intangible in words.

Everything is economics. TNSTAAFL (there's no such thing as a free lunch)

My friends are friends because they want to be my friends, yes. However, after talking to some of them, I began to realize it. Unfortunately, I am off speaking terms with one of them. That is a shame because I thought they were a friend of mine all along. If any of you would like to know what happened, please send me a PM.

Here is a description from collins concise dictionary- whipping boy- a person of little importance who is blamed for the incompetence etc of others especially his superiors; scapegoat. Origin. referring to a boy who was educated with a prince and who recieved punishment for any faults commited by the prince.

I would probably get upset and think "f*** friendship, I'd rather be alone than pitied". Then after I'd started avoiding all these now-former friends, I'd go looking for people that actually wanted something I could offer. You're quite correct - a friendship is supposed to have mutual benefits. Although benefits are typically intangible - anything from someone to talk to when you're upset, to someone who's not going to be too demanding of you.

I understand why you might want to really know what motivates people to accept you as a friend, but the problem with asking them to explain is that they have probably never consciously thought about it, and they may have found the quesiton a bit confusing. I find that people general don't consciously think about things that "just work" without much effort on their part. So if some people find it quite easy to form and maintain friendship, they never stop to think about WHY that process works for them. It is only those of us who struggle with how this process works who ever think about it.

As a personal example, I have come to realize in the last few years that it makes me very happy to feel that I am helping other people to achieve their own happiness. So I have become very willing to do things for my kids and some of their friends (like giving them rides to visit friends or go to activities), even when I know that it is inconvenient for me. So I choose to express my affection for my kids and their close friends in this way because I have come to realize that I derive a very tangible benefit from it - a sense of satisfaction that I have helped to make THEM happy.

But most people are not consciously aware of what benefits they derive from relationships, and therefore have difficulty explaining why they choose to be in those relationships. If they are being your friends because they feel you need them, you should realize that this also means that they derive happiness or satisfaction from being needed by you, so it is mutually beneficial.

I'd get pretty mad and probably call off speaking terms with them for a while. I've had to call off speaking terms with one of my classmates at school for various reasons and we only talk to each other when it's necessary now.

Most of my friends are my friends because of mutual benefits. One of my closest friends at school, Jen (name changed) and I work together in classes and stuff. It's nice because we're both able to keep each other company and we have different, but comprable personalities.

I would like them to be as honest as possible.